Member Since: June 18, 2014
Answers: 2
Last Update: June 19, 2014
Visitors: 433
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hiiiii :) 18, female. SORRY SO LONG! i'll give back to those who take the time to read this.
i'm friends with this guy, and i have liked him for the longest time. well we're really close, i tell him everything. my cousin is his neighbor and i'm like best friends with my cousin so i'm always over there and thats actually how i met this guy like 4 years ago! well i really want his family to like me, but it's a weird situation. he has 4 other brothers and sisters, three sisters, and one brother, all younger. the youngest is the girl and she is like 5 and she absolutely loves me, everytime i go to my cousins and she is outside she will run over and give me the biggest hug. the other girl, well everyone thinks she is annoying. she is probably about 9 and i'm like the only one nice to her so she really does like me. the boy is like 10 and i joke around with him all the time, i'm pretty sure he likes me too! the problem is with the oldest sister. she is 14 and a freshman in high school. i've never talked to her before. i think it would be weird if i was like hey jamie! because she doesn't really know me and she would be like um, hey, why are you talking to me? because i've seen her alot before but i just pay attention to the younger ones because they always come see me so she doesn't really know me and she is quiet. i know one of her friends and one time her friend came and gave me a hug and started talking to me when i was outside at my cousins, and she just stood in their driveway staring at us. the other time i was talking to her friend, she came with but didn't say anything. the parents i also feel weird around. i've only been to his house like once by myself and that was at like 11:30 at night and everyone else was sleeping and we were downstairs on the couch cuddling and he was like we have to be quiet because they think jake (my cousin) is over here too. and he was like if someone comes down, i'm going to sit on the other couch. i feel like he is ashamed of me or something, like he is scared to tell his parents that i'm so close with him for some reason. they just think that we're aquaintances and say like hey when i see him outside or something but that's not it at all. they just think of me as jake's cousin. jake is the same age as this guy, so they're close friends they have known each other pretty much their whole life. this guy has been to my house alot of times, my family loves him but i think he lies to his parents about coming over here, like he will say he is going somewhere else and i just don't get it. and if i asked him about it i know he would be like, don't worry about it. his parents have seen me outside talking to their daughters and stuff, but they don't really say anything to me and it would be too awkward talking to them because i've seen them so many times now that it's like we know who each other are, but just never say anything. i also feel like i want his family to like me because he's only had one girlfriend, and he was going out with her for like two years so i always feel like i have to be better than her, and want his family to like me more than her. i know his oldest sister didn't really like her that much because she was over EVERYDAY and she got annoyed of it so i feel like if she likes me, i'll be happy and the other brothers and sisters adored his ex girlfriend. if me and this guy did end up going out though i think it would be weird with his parents, since im 18, and he is turning 17 in like two months. i honestly don't care about the age difference at all, it's like a year and a half difference but i feel like they would be like "why are you going out with an older girl" and they wouldn't like it, at all. this guys ex goes and watches the kids all the time when someone is not home, so i know that his parents still love her and really trust her. i just don't know what to do. how can i become closer with his family without being in an awkward position. any advice would be appreciated thanks so much. (link)
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If he likes you and wants to date you there is a good chance that they will all give you a chance the sister that stands but and does not talk alot is most likly just shy don't worry about being better then his ex be you that is what he would like about you as far as your age I wouldn't worry about that either My soon to be hubby is a year younger then I am and his family loves me you be the best you that you can be love yourself first and everyone else will follow!
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We live in the USA and are going to be Juniors in High School next year.
My childhood friend, Lily, was in a relationship with her ex-boyfriend, Bryan, for over a year.
I met him when they first started going out. Most of last summer and every Wednesday since last fall(for church activity's)they were at my house. He seemed really nice and you could tell they were perfect for each other. They both liked a lot of the same things, their personality's were similar, and they had a lot of chemistry.
But as the months went on, especially since I was with them a lot, there was more and more tension. Until they were eventually having arguments literally every time they were at my house. I was wondering when they were going to break up for months before they actually did.
When this happened, I would basically just leave the room and get food, or start doing the chores or something to give them a little privacy when they'd argue. Because I didn't want to get involved or over step my boundaries as a friend in their relationship.
But one day, Bryan was being mean to her and told me to leave so they could talk, Lily asked me not to.
So I didn't.
He started yelling at her, calling her a bitch and telling her she was immature among other things, because she 'broke a promise' or something,(I can't remember much as this was around 6 months ago) Then he took a knife and started cutting himself, in front of her.
And what makes this even worse is the fact that a year before Lily attempted suicide and cut herself often. And he knew this.
I just sat there in my phone playing games. I was so angry, but I kept telling myself that it was between them, and not to get involved.
The after he cut himself twice, she started crying and sat by me, I hugged her and I couldn't hold it back anymore and I yelled at him saying he was the immature one. He looked at me, made Lily sit up and whispered something in her ear. She then looked at me and asked me politely to leave, which I did.
I wanted to punch him so bad, but my cowardice at wanting not to interfere won out. It's one of my biggest regrets.
A few days later she came alone and told me things about him. That he was abusive and controlling. She told me how he tried to choke her on multiple occasions, among other horrible things.
I remember one time he started yelling and getting mad because she put on mascara(she usually doesn't wear make up). And another time because she asked to dye her hair.
It continued on like that until about 3 months ago, when he accused her of lying and cheating because she and I where at another friends house watching a movie and while Lily was asleep 3 guys came over for 45 minutes and left.
They got in a huge fight, and we were fishing and he was calling every 5 seconds in both Lily's and my phones. Until he came and yelled at her crying saying that she took it way to far.
Then her mom came to pick us up and we went with us to her house, and when I left an hour or two later they looked like they were fine again.
Then I think a day later she came to my house and wasn't sure if she should forgive him or not. I remembered some advice I found on this website and asked her: "Could you stay with him for another week?", she said yes. "Another month?", she said yes, and I kept going up to a year, 2 years and so on. Until she couldn't say yes anymore.
And at that point, she decided to tell him they should take a break.
But he kept calling again, for days non stop. She had to change her number because of it. The he would message her on Facebook, she would block him, he would somehow become friends with her again.
Then shortly after they broke up rumors started spreading, that she was having drunken hookups, paying people to have sex with her and that she was a huge slut. (I know for a fact none of these are true. Plus we live in a small town where everyone's a backstabbing gossip)
He'd message her asking if they were true, asking if she was talking to guys, when she'd say no, he accuse her of lying.
Over the 3 months since they broke up, he's ruined a lot of things in her life. He started telling people he'd kill himself if they talked to her and stuff. Basically he crossed lines should never be crossed.
I could tell he was manipulating her, but I don't know what for.
She told her mom a lot of what he did(I'm not sure if she knows everything, considering Lily told me I don't even know it all) and a few weeks ago, her Dad. Who called Bryan and told him if he ever talked to Lily again he'd beat him up and call the police.
But yesterday, he started telling Lily more rumors and asking if they were true and she said no, and he accused her of lying again, so she got mad and we went to his house to get him to tell her who's saying the rumors. (I knew it was a bad idea, but I didn't try to stop her because I knew she wouldn't listen)
And I sat in the car while she talked/yelled at him. They went into his back yard where I couldn't hear them, and when she came back she was crying a little, and we went to another friend of ours to tell her what was going on. Lily went outside to call her mom, while we(Me and our other friend, Megan)stayed inside. She called Megan, with out coming back inside, and said she was going home and would be back in a little while.
Megan and me waited, until about 45 minutes later, Lily's mom called and asked if Lily was there, saying she left to come here 20 minutes earlier. We said she wasn't then called Lily.
She didn't answer.
So we called her off and on for 2 hours, before she finally answered, saying she was in a car driving to a town almost an hour or so away and that she went fishing with Bryan and her mom knows where she is.
Basically what I'm asking for advice for is, I'm really worried she might get back together with him. She loved him, still loves him. A lot. She even gave him her virginity, which she broke up with most of her previous boyfriends for tying to have sex with her. When she was explaining what happened to Megan, she was saying how much she loves him and that she knows he messed up but also thinks she did too(for breaking up with him, or telling her parents, not sure which. Maybe both).
She spend her 16th birthday crying over that asshole. I couldn't bare watching that again.
I know I'm her friend, I also know I can't make up her mind for her, and if she does get back together with him I have no say in it.
But I can't just watch her go through all of that again... I just need some advice that maybe I could tell her, or some advice on what I should do..
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Have you thought about going to her mom and dad yourself talking to them about it I have seen things like this before I was like your friend at one point until one day My ex husband pulled a knife on me he tried to kill me.... Don't just let this go these kind of thing only get worse as time goes on and I am willing to bet you know things her mom and dad don't know she may get make at you for it but it is better to have a mad friend the not to have a friend.
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