Hello everyone :)
Please feel free to contact me about any problem or problems that you might be having whether they are big or small. I am truly happy to help. Even if all that you feel you need is a good pep talk, I would love to give it to you!
Gender: Female
Location: America
Member Since: July 12, 2010
Answers: 6
Last Update: July 18, 2010
Visitors: 2114
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Okay so I really like your advice and I want to kinda break down my really long story for you! Im going to try and keep it as simple and short as possible. I met this boy about 2+ years ago and almost immediately we were a match, but things went bad very quickly. We both were big "users" him into drugs, and me into alcohol. We fought ALL THE TIME and for over a year it would have appeared as though we hated eachother but really we were just hurt and mad at eachother. One of us would do something to hurt the other person then it would go back and forth. We have finnally started talking about how we really feel and we are both willing to not forget the past but work on overcoming it.. I love this boy with all my heart and I am not ready and don't think I ever will be ready to give up on him! He is in jail for being involved in a robbery that ended up in a shooting. I would love to hear anymore advice you have. And if possible if you could give me some examples of the things I could do to occupy myself that would be great. Thank you so much. (link)
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This is a pretty big and complex situation so I am going to break things down as best I can.
1.What is it about him that you love so much and that makes him exactly what you want?
2. I will be honest with you and tell you that I don't really feel right encouraging you wait to wait for someone who was involved in a robbery/shooting BUT if your boyfriend plans on truly changing his ways...that's a different story.
If he has had a change of heart then I can feel good about encouraging you and give you the advice that I think would fit your situation best.
3. The things that you could do to occupy yourself depend on your interests.
Ex.: Someone who likes children could consider volunteering or working at a child care center.
Think of the things that make you happy and find a way to incorporate them into your life. :) If you want to give me a list of things you like to do, your dreams, goals, etc. I would be happy to give you some advice on how to achieve/work towards those things. They can all help distract you and keep you focused on the brighter side of things.
More generalize yet more specific ideas for you would be:
-Find a family member or a friend who is struggling with something and try focusing on helping them. Reach out to others. When we are focused on helping other people with their problems we tend to have any easier time forgetting about our own.
-Do Volunteer/service work.
-Focus on getting your education, making your dreams come true, and achieving your goals.
-If you would like to give it a try, I would recommend seeking a closer relationship with God. :)
Sorry, I know that was still really long but I hope that it helped you out at least a little bit.
Be strong! You can do it!
Goodluck!
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I liked your answer to my question so I was wondering if you could help me with my actual problem. This guy I've been so in love with for 2years has finnally opened up to me and wants to be with me. But now he just went into jail and is looking at 6-8 years. I TRUELY believe I love him! I want to wait for him because I want him and only him. I have tried many times with other guys but it never works because I can't help but compare all other guys to him and none of them ever come close to what he made me realize I want in a guy. I just need some advice. How do I do this? I cry all the time, I can't stop thinking about him, and I get soooo impatient waiting for his letters every week! (link)
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Hi :)
Thanks for contacting me about this. I am more than happy to help! One of the things that would help me give you better advise would be to know why your boyfriend is in jail. If you don't mind telling me of course.
Until and if I get to know that my advise to you would be to find good things to distract your thoughts. Find things to do that make you happy and I would really recommend finding ways to be of service to others. That will give you a very good feeling of accomplishment and help you focus on happy things while you wait for him. :)
6-8 years is a very long time and there is a lot that you can get done in that time. If you are college aged, I would highly recommend focusing on your education. If you are graduated, I would recommend finding a career that you can be passionate about. These things will both last for a very long time and distract you by helping you focus on growing and achieving success.
I don't know if you believe in God or not but I would give prayer a try if I were you. :)It certainly can't hurt anything and it has changed my life for the better. But if you aren't interested in that, I would still recommend giving everything else a try. If you want to talk about this more I would be happy to speak with you about it. I have one sister who has been waiting over a year for the man she loves to return home and she has to wait 11 more months. I have another sister who is waiting for the young man that she loves to come home and she has been waiting for almost a year. So, I have experience with helping people wait :) It won't be easy...but true love can endure anything.
Rachiru~
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I Honestly think I am in love!! I know most people say it's an UNDESCRIBABLE feeling! But if you can describe you perspective of love to me, PLEASE do (link)
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Love is a feeling of deep devotion, concern, and affection.
When your in love with someone, you truly feel like you don't want to live without them. You put them before yourself and you are more concerned with what makes them happy then what makes you happy.
Love is far more than sexual attraction. Love is a deep, powerful, sweet, and angelic feeling that brings you happiness beyond description. Love is being able to love someone at their worst and their best. I could go on and on about it but don't confuse a sexual pull for love.
Love is special :)
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I met this boy in third grade, we became good friends, who knew we would still be friends all the way until 11th grade, best at that. Now, I tell him most things I wouldn't tell my girlfriends because they like to gossip, with him, I know he will keep everything to himself if I tell him. He tells me about this girl he likes, he sends me songs that he writes for his guitar, we are both in the marching band and we talk alot after practice, we text a lot, we talk about anything too, private life, our brothers, our parents, our plans for the week. We know pretty much all there is to know about a friend, which is weird because he doesn't open up easily. When he's with his guy friends, he laughs alot and he talks kind of loud, when he's around me, after band and we talk, his voice is kinda hushed, like he's afraid to talk to loud. My friend has problems with his brother, always thinking that his older brother is better than him, so every time I say something about his brother he says "yea, and then there's me.. the reject" so then I would continue to tell him everything he is good at. All of our friends think we are madly in love and we need to be a couple ASAP. Everyday after band, I give him his favorite pack of crackers, it's kinda our thing, everyone thinks it means more than just giving him food. Weird. Anyway, the reason I am writing this is because there is one thing that is strange for me, in all of the years we were friends, he and I have never hung out outside of school/school activities. Why do you think that is? I'll have bonfires and he will always make up excuses "Oh, I won't know anyone there." or "Oh, I'm busy, I have to practice the solo." I'm begining to think that it's because he'd be ashamed to be around me, at my house or anywhere outside of school ): My mom says it's probably because he's nervous, because he might like me as more than a friend and he won't know how to act outside of school. What do you think? (link)
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Oh, I don't think that that is the case at all. If he were ashamed to be around you, he wouldn't hang out with you at all, at school or outside of school. He would completely avoid you. But he doesn't!
It sounds like he is nervous and maybe even insecure with you yet comfortable at the same time. I had a guy friend who was basically the same way with me and it turned out that he just really valued the time that he spent with me and he preferred spending his time alone with me, just the two of us, rather than in a big group. I also think that when we were in groups with other people ,it would make him feel a little insecure. Your friend sounds like he is the same way.
And he liked me a lot(romantically) so that obviously contributed to the way that he acted with me.
Your friend definitely isn't ashamed to be around you, don't worry about that. =) Try asking him about it! That is way better than sitting around trying to figure things out yourself.
Good luck~
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Hey. Okay. I am a fifteen year old girl... when I was fourteen I liked a boy who told me he liked me too until we had a conversation one day about sex and I told him I believed in waiting for marriage and he told me he didn't like me anymore... My first boyfriend after that I thought I loved. Yeah, I know, I was young and stupid haha. But he could have told me the sky was green and I'd believe him. I believed everything he said. He talked me into giving him head and broke up with me immediatly after. He told me he didn't like me anymore, but he wanted that before we split... It hurt so bad to know that he had only said he loved me to use me... Later on he told me that for the last three months of our seven month relationship, he was only in it for the physical stuff. A few months after that I went on a date with a guy who attempted to rape me. He heard rumors that I "put out" and wanted to see how lucky he could get. I just don't understand... I feel so horrible right now. I feel like the only thing I have to offer anyone is my body. Am I really such a sucky person that that's the only reason any guy will stick around?? So many guys have "professed their love" (guys I've never even talked to!!) to me but they just want something... I feel useless. Like that sexual stuff is the only thing I'm good for. I know I'm not ugly but I'm starting to doubt if any guy can love me for the inside stuff. Or if I'm even worth the time for them to try to see what's there. (link)
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Never let the way someone else sees you effect the way you see yourself. These young men have looked at you through carnal, disrespectful, and arrogant eyes and they failed to see the beautiful qualities that I am sure you have. You hate the way that they looked at you, so do not start looking at yourself that way. =)
I think that it's magnificent that you want to wait until marriage to have sex! I feel the same way. Sex is the expression of love and you should preserve that special expression for the one man that you get to be with and to love for the rest of your life. Remember that.
You are worth so much and don't you ever forget it or let people treat you like your something unworthy of praise. Save yourself for a young man who is going to treat you with respect, see the real you, and put your happiness and protection before his.
Oh, and they did not value you for what's on the inside because they came to you with the intention of having sexual contact. Not because you don't have qualities worth loving. A good young man(and one who is actually worth your time and worthy of you) will love you for what's on the inside and make it known to you.
Goodluck and I hope that everything goes well for you and remember, your beautiful!
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Well..A while back people were saying my bf was cheating on me with his friend named Jackie. He told me that she was very clingy..and she tried to hold on to him and everything. My boy friends not the type to cause any trouble..or to hurt anyones feelings, but one day she really got to him and he told her..raised his voice and said that "We can't do this, I have a girl friend and I don't like you in that way." She told him that she loved him..she than started to cry..he felt bad afterwords. Well all the rumors were saying other things..but my boyfriend says that your the best thing that ever happend to me..and there just trying there hardest to ruin it for me. >.< My boy friend doesnt have to best life..he lives with his gma, and she doesnt treat him right...we have to hide the fact that were dating from her..he fought a lot for me..he cares a lot for me..but should I still be worrying? I asked even jackie if anything went on and she said no..she has a bf. >.< So Should I just move on..I'm the type who worrys ..all the time..so? what do you think.. (link)
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I do not think that you should be worrying about it. Your boyfriend sounds like he is very dedicated to you and cares a lot about you. He did the right thing when he told Jackie his true feelings and refused to act romantically/sexually with her. He did it because of you! Does that not prove his dedication? He has done nothing wrong and he has given you no reason to lose trust in him. If anything, he has given you reason to trust him. If she has a boyfriend now and he has proved himself to you then you should not worry. =)
Rumors are nothing. How are they supposed to know what went on anyway? You should believe in your boyfriend and what he says to you. And if you do not feel like you can really trust your boyfriend, then maybe you should reconsider being with him...You can't have a good or faithful relationship with anyone if you do not trust them and they do not trust you.
Believe in the things that you KNOW and not in the things that you question. =)
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