Member Since: July 14, 2016
Answers: 2
Last Update: July 14, 2016
Visitors: 448
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I am a 28 year old female and I went out on a date with a 40 year old guy I met from the college that I go to. At first things were going great. We went out to eat and then decided to go to the river for a walk and we got there we didn't even get out there before he started kissing me and I told him he was going to fast and he stopped for a little and then a few minutes later he started touching my breasts and I told him to stop but he kept touching them. I feel so violated he'd didn't even ask me help. (link)
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That's sexual abuse and he's way older than you which makes it worse.
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Stop dating him!
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23/f, 29/m
My boyfriend made this comment about me trying out my new toner and he said, “why? your face is already breaking out. Wouldn’t that make you break out more?” Is that supposed to make me feel better? Is that supposed to be some kind of a joke? Because I don’t understand. He tends to make comments like this here and there. Does he expect me to not have a reaction to it? He subtly puts me down and it makes me lose my self-esteem.
The more I started thinking, I know that my counselor told me the signs and her thoughts on him not respecting my boundaries, but I guess that’s true. I keep thinking back on how he was hurting me during sex and I told him, “I thought you’re supposed to be turning me on, not turning me off.” And I said “ow” multiple times. He apologized and eventually stopped. He didn’t stop right away.
When I don’t give him a response that he likes very much, he ignores me or neglects me. Or he only sends me short responses until I apologize. He refuses to tell me how I feel. When I make a point like he’s hiding me from everyone and the relationship, he doesn’t answer. He tells me to be quiet while I’m talking. It makes me feel bad.
Whenever I tell him whatever he's doing doesn't make me feel very good and that he's not appreciating me or is being mean to me, he always backtracks and tells me that he's not being mean. That he supports my career change and he's encouraging me. Him encouraging me doesn't make every other comment or critic okay.
When I discuss something with him, he refuses to answer. When I’m upset, he acts extra affectionate until I act as if I’m okay again and then he treats me in a different pattern. He treats me well in person, but when he’s not next to me, he doesn’t treat me very well. He still makes those comments in person, though. Subtly putting me down.
He has this pattern of him being jealous of whoever I hang out with and he tells me that he’s suspicious. I haven’t done anything to break his trust and when I say that, he gets upset. So I think it’s a reverse psychology and maybe it’s that he doesn’t trust himself and he says it’s nothing like that and gets quiet and tells me he doesn’t want to talk about it.
I think the only person that should be worried, is me. He has done several things to break my trust and I haven’t done anything to him. I’m the one that’s paranoid and curious on who he’s hanging out with because he has broken my trust several times.
What should I do? What can I do? (link)
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If he hurt you during sex and didn't stop right away, that's sexual abuse.
Our book says,
"Actually, people may say it is not abuse because he isn’t hitting you. But there is something you can do, and that’s verbal abuse or emotional abuse. Whatever you’d like to call it, you can get help. And sometimes verbal abuse can rise to physical abuse (hitting, kicking, burning, etc.) and if not that, it can lead to running away or worse in the abused child. If you have a mom, or a friend of yours has parents, tell them. If you go to school, get a teacher’s help. Good thing you asked because there is something you can do and this is abuse " verbal abuse. Usually, men abuse children, but sometimes women do, so don’t be surprised. But it doesn’t matter if a male or female abuses you. What matters is if you get help or not. Report it.
You should contact Prevent Child Abuse America (http://www.preventchildabuse.org) and call its number, which is (312) 663-3520 about your abuse.
If you call 4-A-CHILD and go to Childhelp USA (www.childhelpusa.org) you can get help, save yourself, and if you have a mom, save her from getting emotionally abused, too. It may be hidden from you, but she might be in trouble too! But because you don’t know for sure, get help for yourself and don’t run away or commit suicide (that’s when you kill yourself.) This is important and it isn’t a joke!
You were a heroine and a brave little girl to inform us, and you should inform about this yourself. Thank you again for contacting Girlhood Guide about it! And if your friend’s being abused emotionally, verbally, or physically, please refer her to what we told you and let her read As Feelings Fly. Bring her right to Q&A: Sadness Flies and don’t let it keep going. Even if you have an enemy or bully that’s being abused, get her help to. Even bullies need help! Once again: you were a brave girl and you did the right thing. Thank you."
This applies to you.
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