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Q: I have a vast history of sexual assault. I am in therapy and attempting to recover but I still struggle with the symptoms of PTSD on a daily basis. I am not necessarily comfortable talking about this part of my life with people and would prefer to not bring it up all together. Men, would you prefer a woman to be open about her past experiences? I don’t want to feel like I’m not being honest in relationships by not telling my partner. On the contrary, I am terrified of being seen as damaged goods and having way too much baggage for anyone to want to be with. Do you view women who are rape victims as too much drama and not worth it? Would it be a deal breaker?
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Hi there.
Thank you for asking such an important question.
I am not a man, but I do understand where you're coming from. I felt the same way when I was recovering from my own assault. I felt like nobody could love someone with such baggage. I learned that in order to be with someone, I had to work on my own self love. Once I done that and stopped blaming myself for something out with my control, I finally started the process of finding love. Keep on with your therapy if it works for you but remember, if it isn't it's okay to say no to therapy. To answer your question, if the guy or girl isn't ready to "deal with your baggage" then they simply aren't ready for a grown up relationship. Someone that truly cares about you will stick by you and be glad that you opened up to them. Don't let your fear bring you down because strength comes from within. Don't try to rid yourself of fear of being rejected, simply use each experience as a guide to direct you in the path suited to you.
I hope this helps.
Take care.
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Q: I am from india. I am a student preparing for competitive exam and i study but most of time i don't have motivation and i waste my time.
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Hello, thank you for your question.
Studying is hard, especially when it comes to exams. Everyone studies differently but I find that people I have spoken to find it best when they schedule time to study and take phones, tablets etc out of the equation. Maybe turning off notifications would help if you need your devices for studying and potentially looking at having one device without social media or anything other than study apps on it. This way you can leave all other devices out of the equation and stick with studying. Keep distracting objects away from your study space if you have one, if not, try to create one, whether it be at a desk, on your sofa etc.
I hope this helps.
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Q: I am a 16 year-old girl from Brazil and I need your help please. Basically, it all started in 2018: a new student arrived at my school and as we had a few classes in common we started talking. Even though we were never really friend we used to flirt with each other jokingly. But then, I caught feeling for him. Therefore, I told a friend we had in common that I liked him and I asked her to ask him if he would date me. He said no. Besides a couple days later, during a party, he asked one of my closest friend if she wanted to make out with him. Because of all this,I got extremely sad and decided I wanted to forget about him. But he would still talk and text me, even though he wouldn’t flirt anymore and it became hard to forget him (at this point I thought he knew I liked him but he didn’t want to loose our friendship). During vacation I stopped talking to him and we drifted away. When classes begun (already in 2019) I realized I wasn’t completely over him. During that year he almost dated two girls and I almost dated one guy (and while me and the other dude were talking I new I was completely over the first guy). But in the end of 2019, I noticed that guy1 was interested in me. But nothing happened between us, because I was too afraid: I thought he was using me as backup and that he never really liked me. In the beginning of this year (2020) I thought he still wanted something with me. But I started to ignore him and haven’t talked to him properly since last year (so I guess he just gave up but I don’t know). Now, he is talking to some other girl and I think they will start dating sooner or later. Therefore, I feel that I need to solve things between us before that happens. Also, as I decided to get over him for real now, I feel like I need to confess everything I felt during those years and just put an end in everything we ever had. I feel like I need to do that in order to feel good and get over it. My friends disagree. But I have already confessed old feelings for other guys and it helped to get over them. I feel like I need a confirmation, this time directly from him that he’s never felt the same way as me, even though it might hurt. But I still don’t know what to do. I’m worried about how he’s going to react. Can you please help me?
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Hi there. I want to start off with, I am so sorry you have to go through this. Now to the advice.
It's always best to be honest about your feelings, if it will help you move on then do it. It's not for his benefit, it's for your sanity. If you need this, just do it because it will allow you to find out how he truly felt during those years and lay all of the unknowns to rest. Moving on isn't as simple as deciding to, it's a process, you'll still feel things until one day you find that it doesn't hurt quite as much. From there it will get better, if it's meant to be it will be. You need to go through these things to grow and learn. You still have your whole life ahead of you to find someone, even if it doesn't seem like it now. If you're open to it, love will come to you.
Thank you for asking your question.
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Info
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E-mail: Member Since: February 16, 2020 Answers: 3 Last Update: March 1, 2020 Visitors: 539
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