Gender: Female
Member Since: June 6, 2013
Answers: 4
Last Update: June 24, 2015
Visitors: 680
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I'm Kayla and I'm 23 years old. I have been battling with depression for a year and a half now. My life is pretty great actually. I have my very own beautiful house that I pay for, with the help of my 2 best friends, I have a wonderful boyfriend that loves me more than life itself, I have a college degree, a stable job, a car, a dog, everything people typically strive for. But somehow, I am just not satisfied. I think I hate myself and will never give myself the credit for my accomplishments. I hate my face. My nose is way too big, bigger than any nose I've seen on anyone. It's not little and cute like every other nose. It's long, pointy, with a huge hump. My hair is too dry, I can't do anything with it. My toes are all the same size and look ridiculous in sandals. I can't find any clothes I like to wear because I feel so ugly 100% of the time and no crop top or accessories can make me feel sexy. My boyfriend wants to have sex ALL the time but I never want to. I used to be 100 pounds like 6 months ago. I had a flat stomach, abs, bathing suit body to a T. Now I'm 130, my stomach pokes out, sometimes I look pregnant. I know most people think "oh poor you." but it's really messing with my head. I think about suicide on a daily basis. Everytime I drive, I think "If i just turn the wheel and close my eyes, I won't feel a thing". Everytime I walk into my garage, I think "All I have to do is leave that door closed and turn the car on and just sit here and breathe." Every time I'm at home and my roommates are gone (like this week, they're in New York; We live in Texas) I think "I'm sure I can guess the code on Caitlyns safe and get her gun. One second, boom, don't feel a thing". These are thoughts that bombard me every single day. And leave me with whatifs. I have never made an attempt. But I think that's only because I'm scared to feel pain. I would never drown myself, or set myself on fire, or jump off a bridge. Is this doctor worthy? Can I just get assurance that I'm not the only one who feels like this? Why am I not satisfied with my life? I know it could be alot worse. Please help me :(
Sincerely,
Sad All The Time (link)
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Hello Kayla,
You know, It's funny. As I'm typing this, I keep looking at where it says 'Your brilliant answer:'. I cannot even begin to think that my response to this would be brilliant, nor anything about me or my life. This is kind of ironic because I was just talking with my mom today about how I got high honors in all of my classes since childhood without trying. Even so, I have never once thought of myself as smart or helpful, and I know there is much more I could be doing with my life.
I'm not going to tell you to be grateful for what you have because I know exactly how you feel. I have been a self-harmer since I was 9 years old, and I am still struggling with my urges to this day. (Please do not come anywhere close to self-harming, because even if it helps you a little it hurts your loved ones much more.) Other than my parents' divorce and a nasty custody battle that left me in a pit of depression for a few years, my life would be considered very good. I have friends, family, and many things to be grateful for. And yet, I still feel extremely suicidal and have suicidal thoughts almost all the time. I notice myself feeling that pang of loneliness even when I'm surrounded.
So, let me ask you: Do you have anyone who can relate to your mental situation in a way that you would like? Or are you putting up a mask to hide it all from those who you consider your friends?
I am a very psychological person, and there is never a moment where I'm not thinking or putting myself in someone's shoes. I honestly don't think that it does any good, but I like to try to help people with what I can, when I can. So, from your situation, the above questions are the first questions that popped up. If you don't think you do have people you can relate to, maybe it's time you started looking for someone that could really understand how you feel. I'm always open to new friendships, so if talking to me is something you are interested in, please let me know. You are never alone.
Also, do you have social media of any kind? If so, are you very active with it? A lot of psychological problems are inspired from hidden peripheral things that go on in social media. (Sorry if that didn't make much sense, I couldn't really find the proper words to describe my thought process.)
I look forward to your response, should you grace me with one. I will keep you in my thoughts!
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I always end up running back to a girl at my school. I hate it because I don't have a chance with her and she's way to "cool" for me .I've had feelings on and off for her for about 2 years.I'm 14m and she's in my grade,but I want to know how to completely forget about her romantically. I want her as a friend but I want to stop crawling back to her. Any help would me very much appreciated guys! A THOUSAND thanks! :D (link)
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What you have to do is simple. Close your eyes and picture her face. Then, ask yourself what you really think if her. Whatever your first answer is is what you should trust. If this girl is very good looking, make a small list of things you like about her. If your first words are something that describes your crushing on her, or you thought you want to be more than friends, tell her the next time you see her that you are having some technical difficulties at home or whatever and that you need a little time to yourself to sort things out. Then, start spending more time with your other friends until your feelings for her have cooled. When you're ready, tell her you have it under control and want to start hanging out more often. If things heat up again, hang in groups to distract yourself.
Moving on, think about what makes her too cool for you. Does she act like it, or do you think she's cool because of the things she has or things she does? If all her accomplishments and knickknacks where taken away, would she still be cool? If not, don't call her too cool for you, because she's just a regular human like you. Things shouldn't define you.
I'm sorry if you don't like my answer, but hey, I tried. And I'm listening to sad Indian songs, and I'm stressed, and my ribs hurt. Sorry if any of that inched it's way into my mood, ruining this answer, but best of luck!:)
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My girlfriend had a vaginal bleeding which is color black. 2 days after it already became like the normal color of blood released during menstruation. We can't determine the 1st day of her menstrual cycle. Is it the day when the color of the blood is black or 2 days after when the color became identical to the color of a normal menstrual blood? Thanks for the answer (link)
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As long as there is bleeding, it is the first day. And the black blood thing is either dried blood or very heavy flow.
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I want to know what are. the nicest flowers. to plant. in your. garden ?? As i want. to make my new. Garden look nice thnx (link)
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When growing a garden, you have to use lots of variety. Definitely get roses, your choice of color. If you have a big yard, Azaleas are beautiful. if you want a smaller garden in front of your house, get some columbines, irises, and lilies. Also, don't be afraid to try mixing heights and colors. Just don't go overboard. I remember before my grandmother died, she started planting random seeds in the backyard and we ended up mutating some grape vines. Anyways, Best of luck on your garden. :)
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