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I'm 17/f and I have (or had) this best guy friend named Paul. Just to make this clear, we weren't together or dating and I never had any type of crush or romantic feelings for him, we were just best friends for like almost all of high school. Over this summer, especially we hung out all the time and went shopping and stuff. He was always the one I could vent my complaints to about other people and he did the same to me because we almost always shared the same views and didn't have other people who agreed with us. So there are these two friends that we have, Holly and Dani. They were pretty much his best friends next to me and I was (and still am) really good friends with Holly. The whole junior year, he started to get fed up with them and would complain about them all the time. Over this past summer when we would hang out all the time, all he could talk about was how annoyed he was with them and how he was "seriously considering not being friends with them anymore". I honestly didn't mind his complaining about them and even agreed with some stuff. but i said to him why did you get yourself into a whole friendship with them in the first place if you don't like them? I know, though that he didn't feel that way about me because I know we had a connection and could really, really relate to each other which him and Holly or Dani never did.
So then the first day of senior year comes. I'm really, really good at reading peoples' attitudes and have a really good sense of when people are being even the slightest bit snippy or moody or avoiding. From the first week of school until the fourth week of school this was the case with him. It wasn't too bad but I could tell he had a slight change in attitude towards me from what it was during the summer. He even canceled on me like twice when we were supposed to hang out, for reasons like, "now I don't have time" and "I'm too tired". AND every single time I turned my head I would see him with Holly and Dani. Like, if he could pick either me or Holly to walk in the halls to class with he would walk with Holly and not bother waiting for me. I mean, don't get me wrong we still talked all the time the same as we always did but it was just different from what it was over the summer. And the thing is, I did absolutely NOTHING that he could be potentially annoyed or upset with me about. So it's not friendship breaking material but definitely something he should be confronted about.
I call him and try to talk about it in a very calm, civil manner, trying not to make that big a deal and before I can even really say anything he's like, I don't wanna talk about this now, you're just in a bad mood. So I had no choice but to take the immature route and write him a fb message about how I felt. I was so annoyed that he was too immature to handle talking to me on the phone. I decided, I said what I have to say, now it's his turn to say something to me. It's been almost 4 weeks and he hasn't said anything to me. I really feel like he just doesn't care or he's too immature to have the balls to talk to me and confront the situation. I just feel really let down. I really don't want our friendship to end, but on the other hand, if he doesn't care it's not worth it right? In a way I feel like if he really wants me as a friend, he would talk to me but then again maybe he's just being immature, so if he's that immature i really shouldn't be friends w/ him anyway, but then should I let his immaturity in this one situation ruin our friendship? Should I say something to him or still wait for him to say something to me? This situation is just so middle school-esque but I feel like I shouldn't spoon feed him by talking to him. From the bottom of my heart I really want it to work out but idk if that's realistic. What should I do??

At 17 - I feel you have done everything right to maintain this friendship. YOu have shown your friend that he truly matters to you and that you want to save this friendship. He does not owe you the reasons as to why he doesn't want to hang out with you as much, or why he prefers Holly instead. But, if you ask him at least one more time, you can get that last question out of your mind (what if i did ask?) What is the worse that can happen? He might just not answer right? In any case - if he truly respected your friendship and you, he will tell you what has been bothering him.

Also, there might be some personal issues that are behind closed doors that he may not want to reveal. Sometimes there is not much else you can do but give someone the space they are asking for, they do sometimes find their way back. And if they don't, don't ponder over well 'what if and maybe' - sometimes friendships are only meant to last a few moments but in those moments they definitely change your life (for better or for worse) but it allows you to grow as a person.

=)

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17/f

ok, so ever since high school, i've always been part of different groups of friends. Right now, im friends with tom-boyish girls that aren't all pretty made-up faces, and another group that is all made-up faced and into boys. They are different groups of people but they aren't too different, like to the point where if u bring them together there could be a massive cat-fight.. So they aren't too different, they just dont exactly like each other a whole lot, they dont mind each other though.. I hope im making sense.

Well, i was just wondering what does this mean? Im finishing high school this year and starting uni next year.. Could this mean that im still 'searching for myself'? But i feel like i know who i am already. Or could this mean im not a cliche? Like i dont fall into a clique like in those typical American movies..? Or could this mean im two-faced? I seriously doubt this one, because im still the same person in both groups.. Fun-loving and goofy..
Sorry this is so long..
Thank you though.. :)

Having different groups of friends is natural. Personalities are never just 'one type' - you won't always have just 'one personality' - and obviously the groups that are your friends, like you as you are - hence why they don't mind your other friends - that isn't of importance to them.

I can also tell you, that most likely once you start university - you will find a new group of friends and a new identity (we grow up and learn a lot more when in a different environment). This doesn't mean that you have not found yourself - to me it seems as if you have, but just remember that the self is ever changing - we always learn and change.

I think you have a strong group of friends who have influenced you in the right way. Of course you know who you are already, but this changes - and its called growth =) life is actually wonderful, even if it has crazy changes!

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