I'm a junior in high school and i think i have a lot of friends. i'm not popular. but i'm not like a complete loner who has no friends. i have a lot of friends but i'm not like SUPER good friends with them. like say for example, there's an event going on, nobody asks me if i want to go with them, because they already have a group of friends to go with.
I really need advice on what to do.. i dont have trouble 'making' friends per say.. i just need advice on what to do because most of my friends belong with other groups of friends whom i dont know. and most of my friends dont know my other friends. what do i do? By my senior year, i want to have a kick ass year without worrying about which friends are my true friends.
my best friend who lives in a different state than me, told me that i need to throw a party and introduce all of my friends to each other.. i would do that except i SUCK at planning. every party or event i've planned, has turned into dirt and gone down the drain. i can't plan something for my life.. so what do i do??
please i'm desperate.. i've been feeling like this for a looong time since 7th grade and i'm sick of feeling like this. i keep telling myself that things are going to change and that this wont happen again, but it does. helpppp
thank you
First of all, I think that you need to stop viewing your feelings as being negative. You say things such as "I'm desperate" and "I'm sick of feeling like this". However, these feelings that you are complaining about are probably going to be beneficial for you in the long run.
Think about it. What exactly are you feeling right now? Lonliness? Confusion as to who your real friends are? Fear that you may not find out? Frustration at not knowing who your true friends are?
While these may seem like negative emotions, they are actually pushing you to do a very good thing. They are motivating you to take a deeper look at your friendships. They are challenging you to take another look at your life so that you can improve the quality of your relationships. In other words, you may be uncomfortable with the way you are feeling right now, but your feelings are in no way negative. They are guiding you towards more meaningful friendships.
In other words, listen to your feelings. You obviously have a desire to develop your friendships further and create more meaningful relationships with others. The question is, which relationships do you want to put effort into? Who do you believe are the special people that you want to devote your time and energy to? Who do you want to get to know better?
When making these kinds of decisions, it is often best to discard all of that clique crap that you were talking about earlier. Who cares if some of your friends are friends with other groups? Who cares if you do not belong to a specific group yourself?
Relationships are between INDIVIDUALS. The way one person feels about another is what counts. Groups and cliques do not matter. For example, there can be people within a group that absolutely despise one another. At the same time, people from different groups can love one another profoundly. In other words, groups are illusory. Do not worry about them. What matters is how you feel for each specific individual that you encounter.
So, think about the individuals that you know. Who sparks your interest the most? Who do you want to get to know better? Who do you want to spend more time with?
Decide. Then, go for it :)
Good luck.
If you have any more questions, or would just like to talk more about love, relationships, etc., please feel free to message me on twitter:
@wecareaboutlove
Also, on a side note, Valentine's Day is coming up! If one of the people you want to get to know better is a romantic interest, you may want to check out my blog:
www.wecareaboutlove.blogspot.com
...Heck, even if you don't have a romantic interest, please check it out :) We are having a conversation about Valentine's Day and any inseights or ideas that you have on the holiday would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!
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In advance: I get that this "dilemma" may seem ridiculous, but it's been bothering me. If you're only here to be sarcastic, move along. First off, I'm a girl. I've been thinking a lot lately about my HS Prom for some reason, and how it's going to work out for me.
Let's just say that I will not have a date. Not a lot of people really go to Prom with dates at my school, most people just go with large groups.
I mainly hang out with three other girls who, let's just say, are very anti-school event and pretty much everything-event. They hardly ever even go out. Which means I hardly ever hang out with them outside of school. We have a lot of fun when we're together, and we're good friends. But for some reason it never seems like they want to chill on the weekends.
My best friend, Jane, is heavily involved in student gov't so she is on an acquaintance-level with a lot of people. Plus Jane has a friend, Sue who has a lot of friends that Jane kind of knows. Jane will likely be going to the Prom with Sue and her friends. One of the friends that Sue will be going with in this group is Mary, a girl whom I have personally been friends with for a long time but only hang out with outside of school. (Yes, I'm sorry this is confusing.) The thing is: I do know Jane, Sue, and Mary. But I feel uncomfortable with asking to go along with them to the Prom, because chances are they won't bother to see if I want to go with them. Personally Sue and Mary are nice but VERY cliquey. And I could be wrong, my best friend Jane might not even go with Jane and Mary's group of friends (probably about 10).
Now, one of my anti-social event friends, Kate, has been insinuating things about her prom dress every so often. For all this time in HS, she has been saying how Prom is stupid and how she doesn't want to go, and I've been the one trying to convince her to go because, of course, I want people to go with! And this is where it gets even more confusing. Paula, who is a member of the Sue/Mary clique knows Kate on an acquaintance-level and for some reason to me (though I don't know for sure) it seems like Kate is planning on going with the Sue/Mary group because of the way she talks to Paula. (I don't know how I know this exactly, but... it just seems like it. I could be wrong though.) The bad part about it is that I don't think that Paula likes me. At all. She's always been very sarcastic to me. First of all, it kind of hurts me that Kate wouldn't even want to think of me first to go to Prom with me and the other two girls we usually hang out with at school (if they even want to go...). But, I could be wrong... Kate might be thinking that she and I will still go together.
AGH. This was long, and whiney-sounding... but, my final question is: What should I do? I can't go to Prom alone obviously and I can't go with just one person. I feel weird about asking Mary if I can go with their group to the Prom because I know some folks in their group don't like me much. But I think that my two best friends, Jane and Kate, are going with this clique. I feel like I'm just going to end up alone, not even going to Prom.
But the fact of the matter is that I don't even CARE about Prom that much. I just want to go so that people won't ask me later, "Why didn't you goooooo?" "Where are your Prom pictures?" And then assume I didn't have any friends or a date to go with and start to think I'm a loser. But then I think, maybe by that time I'll be so happy about going to college that I won't care about this petty Prom stuff.
Basically, I'm a socially awkward person. Please help by letting me know what you think.
First of all, take a deep breath. Prom is supposed to be fun. It isn't supposed to be a hair-pulling drama. So relax. Once you are relaxed, you need to look at this realistically:
Prom is for everybody. Who cares what car you ride in, or who walks in the doors with you? You should feel confident enough in yourself that when it comes right down to it, you don't need people linking arms with you while you walk across the dance floor. In other words, you don't have to go with a specific group of people. You can go by yourself.
All of that said, if you would prefer company, go ahead and pick a group to go with. But don't be all worried about whether or not they want you around. Why wouldn't they? You seem to be the type of person that has real self-confidence issues. Stop assuming everybody doesn't want you around and start thinking about the positive qualities that you would bring to the group.
I don't even know you personally, and I can think of a couple that stick out:
1. You are a caring person. I can deduce this by the fact that you seem so concerned with the feelings of everybody else. You seem to be constantly thinking about what other people may be thinking, feeling and wanting. That is nice.
2. You are open to helping your friendships blossom. This is evident when you talk about how you wish you could spend more time with your friends. This shows that you are stronger than they are in terms of understanding what it takes to make a friendship flourish.
3. You are inclusive. While you seem to be worried about other people accepting you, you seem to have no problem accepting others. Your question seems to be all about whether or not your friends want you around. You on the other hand, like pretty much everybody. This level of acceptance is rare to find in a person.
In other words, if your friends have a problem with you going with them to prom, that is a reflection of their own personal weaknesses. It has nothing to do with you, or yourself as a person. So quit feeling like you are imposing! And stop thinking that you have to go with whoever wants you to come the most. Anybody would be lucky to have you.
Who do YOU want to go with?
By the way, Valentine's Day is coming up :) If you liked my advice and would like to return the favour, please visit my blog and let me know what you think about my Valentine's Day article!
www.wecareaboutlove.blogspot.com
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