aj6030's advice column | aj6030's Advice About Friendship

askaj6030

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: Ok so I don't get it anymore. Me and my one best friend have been best friends since forever it seems. In like 7th or 8th grade she started to hang out with this other group of friends. I was hurt at first but it's not like she can't have other friends. The thing that hurt me the most was when she would ditch me for them or not even invite into their plans, even though I was friends with every single one of them in that group. I tried everything, but eventually she came back to me and we were really close in 9th grade. Except she lied to me and I don't know if I can trust her anymore... it was a big thing her lie.. but I won't get into that. Anyway, she keeps talking about two of the girls in their "group" about how much they hate them and that they never have time for their "grouP" anymore and if they asked them to hang out then they wouldn't hang out with them. All the while I'm standing there listening trying to pay attention but frankly I could care less. Anyway Friday her and another girl in their group asked me to do something but I had other plans, and they were like "we should ask the two girls that never want to do something with us to do something tonight because I know they won't want to, but let's do it just for fun". I was like okay go have fun if thats what you call fun... anyway, Saturday night on my best friends away message was the she was having a sleepover with her best friends and they were the group including the two girls they talk about all the time. I have a few questions....
1) what should I do about their group? ignore it?
2) i really don't want to lose this friend and I have confronted her about the group and she just blows it off saying I'm her best friend even if she doesn't show it. any suggestions?

Sorry this is so long but I thank whoever took the time to read this because I really need help with this situation

You should ignore it and not let it bother you. If it gets to the point where they are making fun of you are calling you names and stuff then that's where you cut the relationship off. But in the mean time, just let your friend do what she wants, and just keep in touch. And if it's not to weird or anything, try hanging out with other people.

-AJ

Q: A girl who I thought was my best friend, Sarah, has been talking about my other best friend, Amanda, alot lately and I got so tired of listening to it, so I told Amanda everything. Sarah was acting like a jerk to her and Amanda wanted to know why, so it's not like I just told her to get them in a fight. Sarah had called her a bitch, a slut, and told me that she hated her because she always says she can't come over because she is busy. I honestly thought that was no reason to call her those things. Also, she had been purposely leaving Amanda out and making fun of her. She had said alot of other bad things about her too, but I don't feel like listing everything and I didn't tell her them because I knew she would get too upset. I told Amanda almost everything today and in return, she began telling me what all she has been saying about me behind my back. Sarah had said the same thing about both of us, including all of her other "friends." On myspace, Sarah's profile says, "If you're mad at me, get over it," just talking to everyone in general and plus every other time I've gotten mad at her for something, she turns everything around and blames me. So, I know I can't talk to her about any of this. What should I do? Did I do the right thing by telling Sarah?

Obviously Sarah is not a friend. She has her own self esteem issues and she needs to take care of that. But in the mean time, I would ignore her and prevent from talking to her.

-AJ

Q: 13/f im starting to really hate life.im not going to a physicatrist.im more baggy clothes all my ~girl~ friends are more girly but in all mixed groups and my ~guy~ friend is more of a unique person he goesin all stlyes too.every1 is in a group or clique. all but me.it drives me crazy.yes i cuss alot yes i love black and i LOVE jewelry. i have my own style.i can go in any group but its uncomfortable but id rather be with my bff thats a guy but he goes to 2 schools so hes only here half the time and when he is here hes usually w/ me but mainly doin tests and work he missed. im alone in a school death trap. i am myself i dont change for anyone and i have my own style.but im not happy at all i dont have friends tht would always go w/ me most ignore me when their w/ their group but they still call me their 'friend'.my only true friend is my bff thats a guy.ppl think of me as a freak.yea so i never cared but now i do.~~~can u answer this question first then the next~~~now we like eachother as bf gf but people who date end up hating eachother.hes all i have.if we would break up sayin still friends is like sayin your dog died but you can still keep it.people also say o the two freaks dating. i never cared befor but now i do. ~help mee o please~ what do i do ~can u answer them sepratly please

The cliques... You should not worry about this, you are unique like you said. If you want to be in a clique do something like a sport. Art club, drama club, a rock band. Something that involves others that you would like to do.

I know that feeling of thinking about going out with your best friend, and if he is your BFF, then you shouldn't because you might mess up your FRIEND relationship.

ALSO, you should talk to your guy friend, tell him that you want to spend more time with him. OR, you could suggest to go to the movies one day, the park, the MALL!

Anyway, good luck, and remember, you are your own person, you don't need others to complete your life BUT... they do make up a piece of the piem just don't rely entirely on them.

-AJ

Q: Well I have unique friends and we're totally different which is why I like them because if someone is interested in the same things I do then I feel like there's a competition to like what ever it is more and I start to hate them just for liking it. I don't know why, it's just hard for me to open up to people because i've had a really hard life. Now it's down to three friends but resently I found out that they like this thing that I really like and now I'm like having a hating feeling towards them and I know it's not right but I can't stop it..

Try not to think about it so much. When your friends are speaking of the things that you really like, just listen but you don't have to say anything unless they ask you a question.

Another idea is that you could just change the subject.

Another thing is that you could actually talk to your friends about your problem. If they really are your friends, then they would understand. Maybe you guys could come to an agreement. :D

-AJ

bio

I will answer EVERY question that I am asked. If you would like to email me privately, please do so at... askajforadvice@aim.com ...I will answer ALL questions willfully and to the best of my ability! :)