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Occupation: student of human behavior
Age: 27
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16/f. a friend of mine just died. and another friend, david, isnt really showing any emotion. and i know its affecting him cause he was like best friends with the kid that died. i told david that im here for him and such, but im worried. i know its not healthy to keep everything in. he'll talk to me when its just me and him. no body else around. and that doesnt happen too often. maybe its just a guy thing. idk. but im worried. and idk what to say or do. (link)
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Well, it's true that guys often don't want to express emotions, especially in front of other guys (or even us, sometimes) but it's not uncommon for people to be "numb" after someone they cares about dies. They are basically in shock and haven't really processed it yet. The closer they were to the person, the bigger the shock is. It's a huge thing to accept: someone you care about and saw all the time is gone and you are NEVER going to see them again, ever. Most of us have trouble with the actual concept of death. We know that the person is gone, we know that it's forever but the human mind can't really comprehend forever. And we have a lot of built-in defense mechanisms to protect us from shock and pain, such as what occurs when a loved one passes on. People often go to the funeral and go about their lives and seem fine and will think they're fine. Then something will happen (it's often something small, like finding an article of their clothing or going somewhere they used to go together) and it will hit them like a load of bricks that the person really IS gone. This may happen to your friend, David. If it does, you need to be careful about helping him through his grief. Grief is one of the rawest, most terrible of all human emotions because there is no cure for it but time. Make sure he knows that you can talk with him about this friend, remember the good times and the funny things he did but also remember to respect his space. He may not want you to help him. Men especially seem to need to grieve in private. Just make sure if he needs you, you're there. Give him some time. It can take awhile to process all these things. And if he starts acting differently or in an outwardly worrisome manner, be a good friend and try to get him some help.
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