about

I'm not going to sugarcoat anything for you. I'm going to give you advice that lets you know the reality of the situation. I'll make sure you know everything, the good and the bad. I'm here to target the reality, not the moral. I don't care about the "right" thing to do. I care about the "best" thing to do. Send me a question, and face the reality.

advice

I’ve been having issues with my parents lately. I have a different problem for each of them. I guess this is a two-part question.
In order to fully understand my situation, I think a little background information is required . . .

My parents met one another while they were in highschool. They started dating soon after and eventually my mother ended up pregnant with me at the age of seventeen. It was completely unexpected and unplanned - I was a ‘surprise’, if you will. At the time, my grandmother was a very traditional woman. The idea of premarital children just didn’t sit well with her. She managed to convince my parents that marriage was their only option. They married three months after I was born.
Because my father came from a wealthier family, he graduated from highschool and was able to attend university. My mother, on the other hand, dropped out of highschool four months before her graduation so she could get a full-time job in order to support me and father while he was in school.
It’s not really a surprise that my parents are divorced now, they have been since I was five. But that’s not the issue. I live with my mother and stepfather now and she often talks about how she wishes she hadn’t been so careless when she was younger. She’s always warning me not to ‘throw away’ my youth like she did.
I know she doesn’t mean it, but sometimes I feel as though she resents me. I can’t help but think about how much better her life could have been had she not had me at such a young age. I know this is all in the past, and what’s happened cannot be changed but I would just like to know how I can get past this feeling of “I ruined my mother’s life”. I'd like to be able to stop feeling like a mistake.
Any and all advice is welcome =]

And that’s just my mother. . .
Now for part two - my father.

Like I mentioned before, my parents got married and then divorced at a fairly young age. I live with my mother so I only see my father once a month, if that. I wouldn’t exactly say we’re close . . .
Anyways, a few days ago, my mother told me a story about my father that really disturbed me. She told me that three days before their wedding, at his bachelor party, my dad had cheated on her. And even though she knew about it, she still married him. I was completely shocked when I heard this. I can’t help but be angry at my father. He doesn’t know that I know about this yet, but I would really like to confront him about it. I’ve talked to my mom about it and she doesn’t want me to say anything to him. She suggested that I just let it go. However I know that I won’t be able to do that. To me, this isn’t something I can just forget about. I would like some sort explanation from my father, even though I know he wont have one for me.
I’m supposed to have dinner at his house Monday night and I plan on confronting him then. My only problem is that I don’t know how I should go about this.

Any suggestions or any advice whatsoever would be greatly appreciated =]

Sorry this is so long =/

whoa.

ok, i don't know what you age is and i have never had the same problem as you. but if i was in a situation as you, i would try my best to become..well, the best. Try you best at school or a sport of an instrument, and try to make her proud. i know this sounds cheesy but this is obviously one way to do it.

another is help around the house, if she can't forgive you, she'll have to realize she can't resent her own daughter. her daughter who tries her best to help.

Also you could try and work harder and think how you can give her a nice life. that way when you become successful, you could help her right? that way you have a goal, so you'll feel more like you're not just a mistake you're a blessing.

but then there's one way. just ignore her. i know this doesn't seem like good advice, but you could just ignore her and move on with your life. but this solution isn't that great, but i'm just giving you choices.

And now your dad..

that shouldn't be too hard now that you're sure your going to confront him. you could start the conversation about school. and talk about how you have a friend, who has a boyfriend, that she knows is cheating on her, but she still goes out with him. ask him his opinion on something like that. you can be subtle and slowly build you way up.

or you could try another subtle method by talking about your mom, and ask how your mom and him met. ask if he ever cheated on her (because of some kids you know of course.)

OR you could confront him directly. say something like "DAD! i heard the most RIDICULOUS rumor. someone told me YOU cheated on mom right before the wedding! told you that was CRAZY" and if he asks you who told you, shrug and say just around. and if he pressures, say i don't remember after all it's been a while.

good luck

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My niece is a High School graduate who dropped out of college in her freshman year. Although, she is not a "genius" she is probably an average student. She says she quit school since she was "bored". Since then, she has gotten 3 different jobs (sales clerk or receptionist) and has been fired from all 3. She keeps blaming the company. But, I think it is her attitude or something she is doing. Should I tell my sister that her daughter needs to go back to college? Should I tell her that instead of blaming the company, that perhaps it is something that my niece is doing (or not doing) that is causing her to be fired? I think my sister is in denial over her daughter.
For example here is an edited version of an email I got about my niece's latest firing (names have been changed):
Susan called me to tell me that the boss of her new job- fired her. It doesn't make much sense what he told her- he said that she doesn't meet their exception for growth in their firm. That they are expanding and she doesn't fit with that plan. Didn't they know they were expanding before they hired her? Why waste their time and
hers?

Susan said she didn't have much to do- the
phones weren't busy and they told her that they would give her other stuff to do. So- I don't know what went on. Its nuts.

Oh well, I think she was bored anyway since there wasn't much to do. Everything happens for a reason and there is something better for her
elsewhere.

Thanks,
DB

There may be something better for her, but everyone has to start somewhere. it's her future. and you need to let your sister understand the importance of keeping a job and moving up in life.

but the problem of confronting your sister about it might not be the best solution, though it may seem the "right" thing to do, it isn't the easiest.

Remember this is her daughter. So instead of telling her it's her daughters fault, which would instantly put you on the "enemies" side, try helping your niece find jobs and pursue careers.

try to corner your niece. (that sounds a little mean..) but get her jobs that could not be boring. jobs that require lots of concentration. Also when you help her fins jobs, try to help her make the right decision in her life. Try to suggest going back to college, saying that if college really was too boring, perhaps she should take extra classes, that way, she would be too busy to be bored.

And maybe then, your sister will see what's best for her daughter. the reality, not the sugarcoated version.

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