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Gender: Male
Location: South Carolina
Occupation: Student
Age: 26
Member Since: September 27, 2009
Answers: 13
Last Update: October 10, 2009
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My sister is 15-years-old. We have had problems with her for years, she doesn't do anything anyone tells her, has screaming tantrums on a daily basis, steals from us and more recently has been kicked out of school.
Today I found out that she is pregnant by her boyfriend of six months. I am absolutely livid. This is my final year of school and I will be taking important exams around the time that the baby is due. It is also my 18th birthday next week, which is a pretty big deal as I live in the UK, and we were planning a big party with family and friends. Obviously this is now being completely overshadowed.
I know I'm being selfish for just thinking about myself but for years I have suffered as a result of her behaviour, baring the brunt of my parents' anger and finding it really difficult to stay at home as the constant noise and arguments are too much. This feels like the last straw. This year is so important for me and instead of fully supporting me, my parents are going to be preoccupied with this.
I know she might not even end up having the baby as it is very early days and she hasn't made any decisions yet, but I am furious with both her and my parents, who I partially blame for this. Ever since she got together with her boyfriend I told my parents I didn't think it was a good idea to let her stay at his house and that she wasn't using protection but no one listened to me. They are now angry with me for being upset. My sister and I had a bad relationship anyway but now I don't want her anywhere near me. As far as I'm concerned she has ruined what is going to be one of the most important years of my life.
What should I do? I honestly don't think I can bare being anywhere near her, let alone live with her, especially if she decides to keep the baby. I can hardly look at my parents because I'm so angry about their attitude and the way they're dealing with it. (link)
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Before I go into any kind of detail, I have to say several things in your defense:
1. I don't think you're being selfish.
2. I think you have every right to be angry.
3. I think you sound very mature for 17.
4. I think you have a very bright future ahead of you.
I come from a family that sometimes makes me wonder how I could be related to such stupid people! Every one has flaws, but my family could be on a two part episode of Jerry Springer. It might sound mean, but it's the truth. My mom and my siblings' choices still confuse me and I'm 26 years old. I don't know how I went on to college and got on the honor roll, but I did and I'm in the process of transferring to UNC, which is a major university here in America. If I can do something like that with the way I was raised, I'm positive you can do something even greater.
It sounds like you're a very level headed young woman who's tired of dealing with the drama of a younger sister who desperately needs to grow up and two oblivious parents who won't do their job and show her the way. It's understandable that you would be angry, frustrated, and maybe even a little jealous that her BS continues to steal the spotlight from all the good things that you're doing. Unfortunately, your parents aren't going to change and it doesn't sound like your sister is getting an efficient amount of guidance and support from them, so you're going to have to keep your eye on the prize and focus on yourself.
I really wish you got the attention you deserve, but you have to remember what's important: your future. While your sister and your parents are going to suffer the consequences of their actions, you get to be the one who gets away from it all. You're not going to be the one with the baby to take care of. You're not going to be the one who has to take care of the baby who had a baby. Will your life be easy? Absolutely not, BUT it'll be easier AND better than theirs. It might sound selfish to take comfort and joy in that, but it's not. This is your time to shine, and even if you're the only one celebrating how great your choices have been, party like a rock star!
You really deserve it.
So what should you do, you ask? Absolutely nothing. Keep doing what you're doing because you have success written all over you. Soon you'll be out on your own, I'd imagine, and you won't have to deal with this. Their problems are only your problems if you let them be. Regardless of what your sister decides to do with her baby, live as though it's you against the world. If things change for the better and your family stumbles upon some common sense, then good for them and great for you, but don't expect that to happen. Remember, your family are the people you choose to keep in your life. Don't let these people get you down. You have to ignore their attitudes or accept them. It's your choice to make.
Good luck!
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My parents are having some really bad marital problems right now. It sounds like they are going to be getting a divorce soon, but they are still living in the same household with me and my little brother. I am 17 and my brother is 15, by the way.
My parents are always fighting and they sleep in different rooms. My dad sleeps in the living room on the couch and my mom sleeps in the bedroom. I have my own room and so does my brother, by the way. Mom just started working nights while my dad works mornings so they just don't interact any more than they have to.
Two days ago I found my brother smoking pot. I know he's 15 and lots of kids his age are turning to weed but, let's face it, it isn't good and it isn't the best way to cope. I know he's stressing out over Mom and Dad but drugs can lead to serious problems in the future. Weed is illegal, too, and I don't want him to get in trouble with the police. He begged me not to tell Mom or Dad about it and confessed that he's been smoking pot for like 2 months now or more.
I want to tell my parents because it just isn't good for anyone. They need to start paying more attention to us, I think. I don't want my brother to find safety in smoking weed. I want him to be able to rely on the family.
What do I do? How do I tell my parents what is going on with my brother? How can I explain to them that he's turning to drugs because they are not here for us any more and haven't been since they started fighting? (link)
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I really think you're going about this the wrong way. Your intentions seem good, but I get the feeling that you're very close to making a bad situation even worse. Your parents are already stressed out, working a lot, and not communicating very well. The last thing they need is to find out that their 15 year old son is smoking pot, but it's their responsibility so they do need to deal with it sooner rather than later. Your brother is very young and it seems like he's turned to weed to A) deal with the stress of the situation in your household and B) to experiment with something that a lot of his friends are probably doing. Contrary to what a lot of people on this site will say, it's honestly not the end of the world.
I get the feeling that you, more so than your brother, are craving your parents' attention. It seems like you're almost excited to tell them about his new hobby because it'll get their focus off of themselves and back on to you guys (more so you). Unfortunately, that's not going to work. You're not going to be the hero. Not only is your brother going to be very angry with you, but your parents will be even more stressed out. I'm sure you love your brother, but it's not your problem. This is your parents' news to find out. I would suggest that you talk more openly with your brother and get into his head. Find out what's going on with him before you get him in trouble and make his situation even worse. With his parents fighting and his sister ready to sabotage him, no wonder he's turned to smoking pot.
Maybe if you show your brother some support and let him know that he can come to you with his troubles, he won't need to turn to pot to unwind. You're right, he does need to rely on his family, but why would he do that if his family feels more like soldiers in battle than a support system? Talk to your school's guidance counselor and get their opinion on this matter. That might help you and your brother out a lot. Let a professional deal with these issues while you deal with being 17. I'm sure you have a lot of stuff to figure out too. Maybe talking to the guidance counselor can help with that as well. They might contact your parents and help set up some kind of family counseling, which could benefit everyone. Don't be afraid to open up about you. You count too.
I'm sorry that your parents are fighting so much and that they're not paying enough attention to you and your brother. Instead of talking to them about him, talk to them about how you feel. Maybe that will help ease some of the tension and help remind them that in addition to taking on the roles of husband and wife, they also took on the roles of dad and mom. Regardless of how their marriage works out, they need to get their priorities straightened out immediately. I don't think you guys should take a backseat to their frustrations. Also, when I was a very young teen, my parents decided to divorce and I was very happy about it. It relieved a lot of tension in my house and everyone was so much more peaceful. Sometimes divorce can be a healthy step to take.
Good luck!
PS: Smoking pot has never killed anyone. It's by far the most normal thing mentioned in the question you asked (most people experiment with marijuana at some point in their life and it's much safer than many drugs prescribed by doctors - cigarettes, alcohol, caffeine, and junk food are far more unhealthy and much more dangerous to a person's life span). Just keep an open line of communication going with your brother and make sure that his experimentation doesn't go any further than weed. If you find out that he's doing anything else, disregard what I said and tell your parents about it immediately. If they don't do anything, tell your guidance counselor as well. As of right now, there's no need to panic. Just talk to him about it. He needs you. :)
Update:
Are you sure your brother is the 15 year old and not you? I've never communicated with a more uneducated and naïve 17 year old in my entire life. So let me get this straight, you blame weed for the death of your two cousins who decided to get high and drive? Would you also blame a cell phone for their deaths if they died while texting? Is no one in your world responsible for their own actions? You're unbelievable! Also, you make a comment suggesting that there's something wrong with me if I think weed is natural. Um...you do realize that marijuana is a natural herb that grows just as organically as tomatoes and apples, right? It's not like it's some man-made substance meant to rot the minds of the youth of America. As for me needing to live somewhere else, it's been predicted that marijuana will be legal in the state of California as early as 2010. Just like with gay marriage, other states will follow. You really need to lay off the Disney movies and get a dose of reality. No wonder your family is falling apart - none of you can face what's right in front of you, so you run away to something else. Your parents avoid you guys and each other by working odd hours and sleeping in separate rooms. Your brother avoids his true emotions and numbs himself with pot. You avoid the truth and make up "facts" to get yourself through the day. You and your family need help. Good luck finding it.
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