First of all its great that she's in therapy- thats exactly where she needs to stay. I think her boyfriend is trying to help. But he's an idiot. This girl is disturbed, the root of her problem is mental. She could be depressed, bi-polar, obsessive compulsive, etc. Most people who starve or purge themselves feel like they've lost control of their lives, in one or more areas, and by not letting themselves digest food they feel like they at least have control of that. Self-mutilators typically hurt inside and don't know why, so they'll cut as if to say, "This is where it hurts." They don't just cut for the sake of cutting, which is what her boyfriend must think she does. I'm sure you knew all that, so you can see that when her boyfriend says he's not going to eat or he's going to cut himself and does, how stupid that really is. I hope thats what she thinks when he threatens to hurt himself. I hope she goes, "Okay." because this is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. But from what you've said, she feels bad about it. Does he not realize that he's just adding more drama to the situation? He thinks she loves him soooo much that she'll stop hurting herself so he won't hurt himself. Her disorders are bigger than him and his ego. Please tell him to stop. The best thing he and you can do for her is be there to listen, whenever she needs you, and try to make her laugh more. Keep her mind off her pain. If he doesn't want to stop what he's doing, he may have a problem himself and you might need to let his parents know. You were very right to be concerned about this.

Peace...

Shade

You're not going crazy. I know where you're coming from, I happen to love spiders, but I'm completely terrified of centipedes ("All those legs!"). I was just minding my own business the other day, going through our DVDS in the entertainment center when the biggest, longest, leggiest, most disgusting, horrifying beast came out from betwixt Kill Bill Vol. 1 and 2. Seriously, the sight of them makes me scream, run and cry, like one of those people on a Maury Povich "Phobias" show. I've been afraid to get a DVD out for a month now.

Here's the thing: there's phobia ("I'm afraid of brown recluse spiders"), and then there's obsession("I can't sleep at night.."), and then there's obsessive compulsions ("I'm constantly checking under chairs, under tables, etc..."). You could have a disorder. But no worries for now, I think you can stop this thing.

First step, find out more about these spiders. Know what they actually look like. They're usually brown or tan with a black, sort of fiddle shape on their backs. Hence, the nickname, "The Fiddleback Spider". Know where they can be found. Know that spiders DON'T just attack you in your beds. They actually have better things to do with their time like eat bugs and spin webs. They will try to avoid contact with you. But do know what precautions to take if you get bitten. Here's a good link you should definetly check out:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brown_recluse_spider

I bet you know more about what happens when they bite you than anything. Arms and legs turning black and rotting off and all that. I think, in reality, most bites from these spiders guarantee an emergency room visit, but you don't have to give and arm or a leg for it. Anyway, I don't mean to under-estimate them at all, they are venemous, and can hurt you bad, I just mean, they get played up, and life's too short to worry about them. Its so easy to let ritualistic behavior (checking) take a little piece of your life here, and a little piece there. Eventually, it takes control of you. Rise against it, friend.

If you're still having trouble, and the checking gets worse, and/or you can't get the thoughts of them out of your mind when you know the thoughts shouldn't be there and you don't want them there, you might want to talk to a Cognitive Behavrioral Therapist. Sounds complicated, but they're just someone to talk to about your phobia, who'll help you change the way you handle it. I went to one (I was nearly suicidal and on a heavy dosage of Prozac) and my disorder (OCD), I'm proud to say, has never gotten a hold of me the way it did before the therapy, and I went for a good three years before having to go back on medication (I'm not on nearly as high a dosage as I was before). It helped me handle the repetitive thoughts, my biggest problem, on my own. If my small town has one, I'm sure you can find a therapist near you. If not, just talk to your doctor, maybe he/she could reccommend you to someone. If you'd rather try the meds, Prozac is good for this, but there are others.

Try finding an internet support group or chat room for people with phobias. I'm sure there's a great arachnophobia site out there.

Peace...

Shade

I really feel you. It is so hard for me to study. Here's what ended up working for me: I'd go into a quiet room and shut the door. Obviously, you don't want the television or radio on. Other things that distracted me that you may not have thought of were screensavers on my computer, the telephone ringing (I suggest being in a room without a phone, or just taking it off the hook for awhile), my pets wanting attention, birds, cars, and other noises outside ( keep your windows down for studying), and even oscillating fans.
If I had some chapters to read, I'd read them out loud. It really helps you focus and if you lose your train of thought, just go back and read it again. You'll be able to tell when the information sinks in.
In class, try sitting at the front of the classroom. That way you won't have much more to look at and pay attention to than what's directly in front of you. Your professor.
Finally, I know you're a guy and this idea might not thrill you, but my mind spins a lot too, and I found that journaling helps. If you're not comfortable writing on paper, try typing in Word. You can put a password on the document so no one else can access it, or just delete it when you're done. If I were you I'd keep it. When you see all that you've written, it'll reinforce the idea that everything that was in your mind causing it to spin is out, and that you should be able to think clearly now.
I know if I take the time to sit down and write about the things that are on my mind, its like I can let those things rest until the next time I write, which allows me to focus more on the things I need to be doing during the day.

If nothing seems to help, you might have some form of ADD (Attention Defecit Disorder), which I'm sure you've heard of. Try doing an internet search and see if you're experiencing any of the symptoms. If so, talk to your doctor.


Shade

PS> Vitamins you can take, such as Gingko Biloba, have been known to help with concentration. You can get them over-the-counter, I don't think they have any real side-effects, but of course, its best to ask your doctor before you start taking them.

Hi, I'm Shade. I'm an artist, living in sin in a small town, hopping from job to job, and recieving no support from my family. I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder when I was 18. I've suffered through many, many, many bouts of depression, panic attacks and just plain fun ole' anxiety. Since I left my Mom's house years ago, I've lived a lot of places and met a lot of strange, horrible, and beautiful individuals. I've learned a lot about people in general and I'd have to say I'm a good judge of character.
As mentioned earlier, I'm "the artist currently known as starving". I do some oil and watercolor, but mostly acrylic painting, also some clay and metal sculpture. I appreciate all kinds of art and love to talk about it. I like to read, mostly twisted, weird fiction or memoirs about drugs and the fellow insane. I love all types of music, mostly rock, and doing anything outdoors, all my animals, horror movies, and mexican food...I drive an old, crappy, loud car that embarasses me and I just left my job at the art gallery, so as of right now, I am unemployed, livin' off my man.

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