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About you: You have come here because you are searching for someone to help you. Everyone needs help now and again. My mission is to make a difference in the lives of others.

About me: Expert Listener, Nurturer, Chat with me and we will "make a way, find a way" to get through things together. I offer advice in Parenting, Loneliness, Nurturing, Friendship, Relationships, and some areas of medicine. If you have needs that are beyond my scope of expertise, I will redirect you to someone who can and will help you.


Education: Completion of nursing school, many specialty certificates, ranging from Emergency Medical Tech to Scrub Nurse. 25 + years of clinical experience, Mother of 5 and life coach to hundreds.

advice

I was molested when I was between 6-8 years old. It's funny in a sick way because I can't even remember how old I actually way, I can't remember the names of the two boys, I can hardly even remember the sex. I remember the fear so vividly that my heart's racing as Im'm typing this. It's also funny because a decade passed where I didn't feel anything about what happened. I never cried about it, talked about it, I barely entertained the thought of it, not because it was painful but because it was like an errant thought. It was like losing your tooth, just a part of life. I actually feel immensely stupid now when I think of all the effects of that incident that I never recognized to have been caused by that. Until a couple days ago, I never even associated the word 'molested,' with what happened. It was just a thing. Recently, this scrawny, awkward, pathetic boy decided to 'stalk,' me. I could've broken him in two if I wanted, but he scared the life out of me and I didn't understand why. The next day I found myself on the bathroom floor crying like I'd never thought I would over something that seemed so unimportant. I wanted to cut myself and I wanted to bleed and feel pain like I'd never felt it before- that was the first time in months I ever got the urge to cut. I wanted every vice I could lay my hands on to drown myself in the ridiculious nature of my problems. I never realized that my molestation was the reason I'd be afraid of a room of men, or that I was afraid when my boyfriend (at the time) tried to hold on to me or kiss me aggresively, that I hated intimacy with people of any sort, that I hated any man who'd disrespect my body in any way. It's like someone telling you that you were asleep for 10 years and you've been woken up to a world u don't want to be in. I've been through hell and back...but molestation....can that, something I barely remember yet so vividly feel, could have really been controlling my life for so long? It hurts me in the pit of my stomach and at the back of my throat when I think about it, and now I have to deal with this thing that I've let control me for so long. I cud've dealt with it if it happened recently, but a decade ago..I don't know where to begin. I feel stupid and helpless and I don't even know what i'm trying to ask.

You did one of the only things a small child could be expected to do. You "coped" with it by blocking it. And even though you are now suffering, and I in no way am down playing the intensity of your pain or it's justificiation, the coping your mind did was amazing. You functioned, somewhat difficultly, but nonetheless functioned for many years.

It's wonderful that you have had this epiphany regarding the origin of your anxiety and fears. This will save you lots of upstart time in therapy. Please seek the help of a counselor or trusted medical professional, or call the rape crisis line to get a referral. You might even want to google for a support group online if you cannot access one locally or afford counseling.

In the end, when all is said and done, you will need counseling to move forward. Take your time, be patient with the process, it took a long time to recall the event, it will take awhile to decipher it's affect on your life and how you can use this new information about yourself to better equip you for future, positive relationships both casual and intimate.

Please feel free to contact me anytime if you just want to talk, LPDearSusie@gmail.com.

Good luck, and remember, this is the first step to happy things... an awakening, if you will. Keep it as positive a process as possible, THIS part you can try to control and have an impact on.

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I'm a 17yr old female.I am at home,on break from school.I have a lot of idle free time n i don't know what to do.Please help.

Are you any good at creative writing? Write a fictional account of your life, like an autobiography with a lot of flexibility in the truth. I bet it would be loads of fun to control and change the outcomes of situations, and this is the kind of hobby you can put aside and pick up in summertime without thinking twice.

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I am available from 12 pm - 3am EST.
Maybe 5-6pm?

If that doesn't work for you, any time within that frame would be fine.

yeah, that's a pretty wide range! Ok, I should be available within that time frame too. Are you around now?

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Hello :)
I believe it was suggested that we set up a time for an IM session, were you still interested in doing this?

absolutely. what is your availability? Give me a couple of specific times, Eastern Standard Time.

Thanks.

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hey i'm 19/f and my husband is being deployed to Afghanistan next month. I've started to notice that as each day progresses i get very emotional about everything. I think about him being gone and i cry and i cant stop. It's just odd because I've never been this emotional before. I mean i can figure out that its because its getting closer to him being gone. Is there anything i can do to make myself not cry all the time? Its hard to keep my mind off of it.

Thanks and i rate!

It is a very difficult situation you face. The day will come, soon enough, whether you spend your time being upset or doing something positive and proactive, the end result will be the same.

It is very hard not to have control over the most important parts of our lives. I am sure you are both scared and waiting this time out is both a blessing and purgatory.

What to do in the meantime? Make a decision to prepare your first love box to send him in Afghanistan. Work secretly, if necessary. Find ways to be excited about what you will put in it, don't let him know so he can enjoy the outcome as well. You can time your shipping of it to be as close to when he deploys as possible. (don't want it to get there too early, they may not keep it for him?!?!) I am not well educated on what types of things are allowed in packages from home, but I imagine an old fashioned envelope with some of your perfume sprayed in it, perhaps a lock of your hair tied with a ribbon and securely attached to something he can touch without it falling apart. Think like an old romantic, and I bet you can focus this nervous energy and emotion on doing something truly wonderful for you both.

Let me know how you do, if you need more ideas, I would love to brainstorm with you!!!

Dear Susie... :)

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I alwaaays fear that i have a heart condition even though i am pefecttttly healthy ! i always fear that something will happen, in this case, i always feel my pulse. everytime i feel it, it's upbeat. i think it's because of my anxiety. i have BAD anxiety. are there any solutions to calm yourself down or are there any ways to get my mind off of it & to let me know that i am ok and that everything will be okay?

There are many ways to calm yourself down, when you have the time and inclination to think about it. The problem is, you don't know if it is physical or psychological.

Here are some guidelines. First of all, it never hurts to get a professional opinion. It may actually relieve some of your stress to do that.

Next, come up with a couple of quiet activities (really good down time) that you can accomplish anywhere you are when you are experiencing this type of anxiety. Have you every heard anyone joke about going to their happy place. Yeah, its not a joke. It is a real tool for controling things like anxiety, and I would be happy to talk to you further about that with a few more details. Does your anxiety prevent you from participating in normal activities? Are you very worried all the time about many things, or primarily about your health or just y our heart/pulse? Give me a few examples of when your anxiety is at its worst, so I can see which path to send you down to help you.

Eager for your response.

Dear Susie

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this is hard to say.. but im a cutter. Everytime i get upset, thats what I do.. that or go get messed up, but a razors a lot easier to get.. I cant ween myself from the blade. what do you guys think of cutters honestly ? & what should i do.. my parents know but think i stopped months ago.. ugh... wwhy am i doing this ?

Hi honey. You are doing this because you need to be in control of something. You can control the amount of pain or damage that you do to yourself. You already know this is unhealthy behavior, you don't need my lecture. Many teens "cut" and eventually get help. Let's make sure that you are one of the ones that gets help and not just punished for misbehaving. I have experience with this personally from one of my daughters. Would you like to discuss this together with your parents with my help? Let me know how I can help you to get the truth out there. You are not a bad person, you are a good person with some unresolved issues. You can and will overcome this. Show your parents this answer, that might help broach the subject with them again, and understand that you don't have a lot of control over stopping this behavior on your own, either. Let's find a way, make a way to fix this, okay. Please get back in touch with me and let me know what I can do to help you further.

Dear Susie

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i want to get more mental strength .now i take one desesion strongly but after some days it will disappeare .i faced a lot of incidents like that .i want a strong mental power and strong desesion .what will i do

Being a good decision maker takes practice. Let's talk about a few specific examples and how and why your decisions changed. It may very well be that it was the right decision TO change your original thinking. Write back with some more information. Thanks.

Dear Susie

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For the past 2-3 years I have found myself stuck in a rut. I have not been able to focus on anything, and I constantly seem to be wasting time. I am interested in just about everything under sun, yet I can never stick to doing one thing long enough for me to make substantial progress.

I used to spend ALL my time playing MMORPGs, yet they no longer entertain me. I haven't been able to find anything that could hold my attention since I quit. A lot of people say I am talented in about everything I do, yet still... for some reason it is difficult for me to simply focus.

It has gotten to the point where I can't stand it. Everyone around me is making progress, yet i stay in the same place, just doing different things. Someone who can do everything moderately well is useless in a specialized world. I want to find some sort of specialization. Something I could pour my blood, sweat, and tears into.

Advice?

Good morning. Yes, I think a live chat online with you would be in order. I have a number of questions that will give me a much better idea where you are in life and what direction to send you.

Please let me know the following information, at your convenience: Age, job (if any) previous jobs (if any) marital status, relationship status, areas of interest outside of the computer.

Thats a good start. Then we can set up a time to IM or something to get a little further down the path.

Looking forward to working through this with you,

Dear Susie

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