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I'm new to the site so bear with me on my feedback profile, I know it may seem that I'm a lil young to be giving advice but not all wisdom comes with age or experience. I hope I can help you all out with your problems and really this is something I enjoy doing, my friends have all told me that I give good advice so hopefully I do and you all feel better after talking to me!! :) xx

advice

It sucks because I'd love to have a boyfriend or a best friend but it seems so out of reach and out of my control. I'm 18 and it's just embarrassing that I haven't experienced such things and I feel depressed over it. I don't think it could be my looks, cause being totally honest I think I look good. The only thing I want to change is my weight, cause I'm slightly overweight, according to my BMI, but it's hard to get motivated to work out and eat healthy when I feel depressed over my adolescence. I'm 18 but I don't even feel like an adult, really. I just feel like curling into a ball and hiding away from everyone. It's hard to even get motivation to clean my room. But my mom exaggerates my room being messy when I think my mental state is far more important than clothes being on the floor. My mom took away my laptop for not cleaning my room, so I have to use the one in the study room, but it's annoying because I'd rather just lock myself up in my room all day, and only leave to get food. It's pathetic but I don't know how to change. I just feel like my life has been going downhill since I was 6 and my family moved here to America from England. Last year I thought was the worst year of my life but this is, and it shouldn't have been, as it was my final year of high school. But there's absolutely nothing good about these past 2 school years, except the concerts I went to, and the two times I got to travel overseas. Everything else was total crap and I blame myself, cause I think it's mainly my fault, so I don't know why I'm causing soo much pain to myself. and then there's other issues I have to worry about, like race, because for some stupid reason most people aren't colorblind and a lot of people believe racial stereotypes and are racist in a way, when, as someone who's lived in 3 continents, I see the world as my home and I'd never not try to be friends with someone because of their ethnicity because I don't think that way at all. we're all individuals. but I've had some fake friends, like some people who used me and then if I saw them in the hallway they wouldn't even acknowledge me. what the hell? I find it hard to trust people. I even have trouble sharing really personal things with the therapist I just got. I'm just afraid. I criticize myself so I don't want someone else to criticize me for things I'm already worrying about. And I hate how I only get to see her once a week cause I feel like seeing her everyday. There's so much pain I just keep inside. And then I feel guilty, too, cause there's people who have way less than me who are happy and here I am moping about, so why can't I just be happy and move on?? I'm just so mad because I'm such a mess right now and I don't know how I'm going to be able to break free of this and be able to reach my dreams.

Its not huge intimacy issues you have, it's trust issues. You're afraid that if you get really close to someone and have them be your shoulder to lean on they're gonna tell the whole world your problems. I have the same problem, and because of this you on some level don't trust your therapist but you know that you need her. Don't be embarrassed that you haven't had a boyfriend yet! Plenty of my friends have recently turned 18 and they're still waiting on their first kiss. There's nothing wrong with that it just means that you're holdin out for the right person to have that first intimate moment with. As for the whole weight thing I find that if you set one day aside for yourself and really look hard at yourself in the mirror and you seriously don't like what you see start then and there. Don't just go back to your bed and say how much you hate how you look you use that whole day to come up with a plan on how you're going to lose a few pounds to get to your ideal BMI, and you start the plan in the same day. Have a healthy breakfast, walk instead of catch the bus, grab fruit snacks or cereal bars instead of crisps and chocolate, do a few sit ups and squats and press ups instead of being bored and pointlessly flicking through the channels. Force youself to make a change because no one else is going to do it for you. I don't have to suffer abusive racial comments but I do have to suffer abusive homophobic commers and have been for the past 4 years and will for the rest of my life and the sooner you come to this realisation the better. There are always gonna be people who are ingnorant and stupid and think they're comments are funny when in fact they're hurtful derogatory and just plain wrong. But we can't change those people. I seems like quite a few of your problems actually stem from you being couped up inside your house. It sounds to me like you feel trapped and it's making you delressed because you feel like you can't escape everything you're feeling. You should go out more, cycle round your local lark, go for long walks, cinema, theatre, arcade, anything! I hardly ever left my house and always felt down and as soon as I started to agree to go out I felt a lot happier. Maybe make one day at the end of each week a day that you go out, it would give you something to look forward to. Don't think about other people's problems - focus on your own. It doesn't matter how hard other people have it right now it matters how hard you have it. Part if me feels like you're not allowing yourself to move on because you're scared of what will happen if you put yourself out there. You have to believe in yourself be able to live halppily and move on. Continue those councelling sessions, tell her everything, air every last problem you have with her And you'll start to see a change.

AskSinz.

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There are some nights where i dream of this girl trying to kill me. Sometimes when I wake up I feel as if she is there in my room. It gets hard to wake up some nights. What does this mean? Am I going crazy?

If this is a recurring dream, then it possibly means you subconsciously feel threatened in some way, such as worry about a relationship, your job, money, family problems, problems at work, etc.
Dreams are the brain's way of sorting through and 'filing' our emotions, problems, events, etc., and our subconscious way of dealing with them. Give some serious thought to the things going on in your life, and you will probably be able to understand what it is that you are worried about, even on a subconscious level. Once you can identify that, the dreams should stop

Hope this helps xx

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I'm not really sure if i put this in the correct category, but anyways. I am 16 years old and ever since i was about 11 i used cutting as a way to take control of stuff that is happening in my life. It has been used from the death of loved ones,boyfriend issues, friendship issues, school problems, cancer of my youngest brother and even sometimes when i get too happy. I always hide the cuts, and usually cut over scars that i already have made. A close friend of mine was recently sent to a special hospital for cutting and that made me realize that i have a BIG problem. I just didn't know what else to do so PLEASE help me!

For people who cut, doing something different may be a big change. Making this change can take time because you are learning new ways of dealing with the things that led you to cut. But a therapist or counselor can do more to help you heal old hurt and use your strengths to cope with life's struggles.

Start by being aware of which situations are likely to trigger your urge to cut. Make a commitment that this time you will not follow the urge, but will do something else instead.

Then make a plan for what you will do instead of cutting when you feel this urge.

Like all urges, the urge to cut will pass if you wait it out. Distracting yourself with something else helps time go by and gets your mind off the urge to cut. The more you wait out the urge without giving in, the more your urges will decrease over time.

Here are some things you can try while waiting for a cutting urge to pass:
•call a friend and talk about something completely different
•take a shower (make sure you don't have razors in the shower)
•go for a walk or run, take a bike ride, dance like crazy, or get some other form of exercise
•play with a pet
•watch TV (change the channel if the show gets upsetting or features cutting)
•drink a glass of water
•try a breathing exercise
•try some relaxing yoga exercises
•listen to soothing music that will shift your mood

Some people cut because the emotions that they feel seem way too powerful and painful to handle. Often, it may be hard for them to recognize these emotions for what they are — like anger, sadness, or other feelings. Here are some alternatives to cutting that you can try:
•draw or scribble designs on paper using a red pen or paint on white paper — if it helps, make the paint drip
•write out your hurt, anger, or pain using a pen and paper
•draw the pain
•compose songs or poetry to express what you're feeling
•listen to music that talks about how you feel

Sometimes, doing things that express anger or release tension can help a person gradually move away from cutting
•go for a walk or run, ride a bike, dance like crazy, or get some other form of exercise
•rip up some paper
•squeeze, knead, or smoosh a stress ball, handful of clay, or Play-Doh

If you cut because you feel alone, misunderstood, unloved, or disconnected, these ideas may help:
•call a friend
•play with a pet
•make a cup of tea, some warm milk, or cocoa
•try some yoga exercises that help you feel grounded, such as triangle pose
•try a breathing exercise like the one in the button above
•curl up on your bed in a soft, cozy blanket

You'll notice that all the tips in the lists above have nothing to do with the cutting sensation. When you have the idea to self-injure, start by trying the ideas on those lists — such as making art, walking your dog, or going for run.

If they don't help, move on to the substitute behaviors shown below.

These substitute behaviors won't work for everyone. They also don't help people get in touch with why they are cutting. What they do is provide immediate relief in a way that doesn't involve cutting, and therefore holds less risk of harm.
•rub an ice cube on your skin instead of cutting it
•wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it gently against your skin
•draw on the skin with a soft-tipped red pen in the place you might usually cut

Cutting can be a difficult pattern to break. But it is possible. If you want help overcoming a self-injury habit and you're having trouble finding anything that works for you, talk with a therapist. Getting professional help to overcome the problem doesn't mean that someone is weak or crazy. Therapists and counselors are trained to help people discover inner strengths that help them heal. These inner strengths can then be used to cope with life's problems in a healthy way.

If you need anymore help please inbox me, good luck xx

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I'm a 16 year old girl and I'm not sure which problems are the causes of others, and etc.. so I'll just say all of them. I'm a perfectionist with extreme procrastination (its basically ruined my entire junior year so far. and i've had it for as long as i can remember but it's just getting worse), I'm afraid of success because I'm afraid of being able to sustain it... though I really want to be successful. I have big dreams but I find it hard to notice how little things affect the big picture.. I just see the big picture, and I delude myself into thinking I can get, without doing much work beforehand. I thought I had high self esteem because I was able to stand up for myself.. but I was just pushing all my problems to my subconscious.. because I now realize that I actually have low self esteem.. and I'd somehow convinced myself I'd become more confident. Also, its easy for me to ask questions in class over work but its very hard for me to ask for help in general over personal issues.. like all what I'm talking about right now. I think I'd feel a lot more comfortable with a therapist than with anyone else. Whenever people ask me if I'm okay its very hard to admit I'm not.. every day I keep saying I'm fine cause I don't want to break down in front of my parents, teachers, etc. Generally I feel like people don't care about me.. which seems silly cause I know my family does.. but i dont know I just feel neglected, and sad because I think I've missed out on a lot of childhood and teen things. I don't have anyone I could call my best friend and etc and I don't know why this gets to me so much when I tell myself that it shouldn't matter. But its hard to go on facebook and see everyone else have fun. But I think I'd be a good friend to people but idk they always let me down.. but at the same time I think its also my fault cause I always underestimate the strength of my friendships with others.. its just.. ugh. I just wish I could have better relationships with people.. I mean even my relationships with people on the internet is a lot better. Like everyday these problems are on my mind and its driving me crazy cause I don't know how to stop and the work keeps piling on and all these bad habits have just gotten a lot worse... but it's just so hard to tell people this.. I tell them I don't need help when I know I need it.

I'm also socially awkward (due to my lack of much social experience due to not having much close friends) and tend to eat my feelings (even though I want to lose weight). I always feel burdened by a lot of regrets because I say I want to do a lot of things but I just don't do them and its annoying because I blame myself.. as I'm the only one who can change me, but why cant I get myself to do it? what the hell is wrong.. like I cant even control my own actions? why am I so lazy like this?

I'm looking for therapists on this website: http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php
But I don't know what criteria I should be looking for in a therapist.. in terms of what I'd label my problems as, in the drop down menu. Should I email or call the therapist, too? And what exactly do I say? Do I summarize the mess I wrote here (Idk how to though) or what? Should I talk to them first or ask my parents to talk with them first, too?

Thanks so much, you don't even know

I'm 16 too and with the majority of your problems, I can really relate. I know you find it difficult to ask people for help but the first thing you have to do is let your friends and parents know how you feel. Because then they can get some help for you. You don't have to tell them everything you wrote here out loud, but you could print this off and just sit them down and be like, I really need to talk to you about some stuff thats going onm hand them this piece of paper with all of this on it. They will understand and try and get you some help. I'm not really a therapist but as for perfectionism and procrastination you just got to think if i keep putting off these tasks Im going to feel really depressed, you know? I mean would you raher feel on top because you've done something or feel like comfort eating because your depressed at yet another thing you put off and it got you into crap. You have to change all priorities and want to change. You can just expect these things to happen. Give yourself this life you waint to aim for, you want to be confident and have high self esteem, get everything done on time etc etc. So do it. Just do it, if you don't then you can never be this happy person you want to be. In life there are so many things that cross our paths and so many bridges we have to overcome and if we cant pick ourselves up now it will be really difficult later in life. Your best bet is to show this to your parents and tell them that you think therapy is best for you to help you overcome your problems. They'll be more than happy to help, when you get to the therapist youll begin to explain your issues and then they can go on to refer you to different people if they feel that it will be best for you. I really hope this helps and if you feel the need to inbox me for some more help please do not hesitate to ask because this is what this site was made for! Hope this helps!!xx

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f/16. so many things are going on especially with this guy I used to "talk" to. we were together for a little over six months. he told me he loved me. everything was great. i didn't want the whole "boyfriend. girlfriend" title because in my head i feel as if it gives him more power to hurt me even though I knew it was possible for him to hurt me because I was emotionally attached to him. recently we've been having problems. we completely stopped talking for a month. we had a talk and now we are i guess acquaintances. we both seem miserable though because we want to be together, we love each other, we just need time.
my best friend who is also friends with him, told me she feels as if she talks to him as more than a friend. she told me this while we were high. I asked her if she liked him and she said "no, I never said that" but due to the fact that I was high I went into deep thinking and somehow convinced myself that she likes him. i started having flashbacks to a few times the three of us hung out and she would try to make me look stupid in front of him. I'm not sure if I'm just over-thinking everything. I've promised to stop smoking weed, and I'm going to stick to it. I'm trying to get my life together but I don't know what to do with the guy I'm in love with. It's so confusing. I love him, he loves me but now we barely talk. I hung out with him and my best friend right after my best friend told me that stuff and we were still high so I stood quiet pretty much the whole time in fear that I would say something I would regret. I left first and I hugged him around three times because part of me kept forgetting I already hugged him and the other part didn't want to leave his side. my best friend made a comment that got me really mad. "damn, stop hugging him." he gave me another hug after the comment.
I'm very self conscious and have a really low self-esteem. I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm completely lost, I feel worthless and I don't know what to do. I have no one to talk to that I trust. My mom passed away and my dad left me a couple of years ago. I live with my grandma but we rarely talk.

Hey im also f/16 and my friend is going through the same things as you are expect its with a girl. The first thing that you have to do is kinda part youself from him so you can lose the emotional attachment. I mean i understand that you do love him but to give each other time means you have the time to re-evaluate whats going on in your life and make changes. I'm in a relationship and i had a huge emotional attachment we took a break for a bit and i tried to stay strong and we talked through our problems and in the process that it took for me to make sure I was strong which was to just go back to the days before we were together. Which was when i could deal without talking to her for more than a day. Then after that happens you don't become detached from him. You just become less clingy and less deep in the emotion so you can see whats going on. My friend smokes weed to and is trying to cut down, and it's reall good that you want to do this. Because it can have really bad long term effects on you and one of those is paranoia which you could be going through. What you need to do is talk to him like your friends again do the whole getting to know them all over again process and just chill out. You'll soon get a sense of purpose again. As for your mum passing away i'm really sorry to hear that, but im sure she wouldnt want you throwing your life away. If it helps you can talk to her before you go to sleep. Just let a little out at night if you believe she's watching over you. Just as you live with your grandparents so does my mate. She always has really low points and it can be difficult to bring her back up from those but you just got to think, you have friends, you have a life, and you begun a love life. Your childhood makes you hold on to what amazing times you have with people that you love and you just have to ease your grip a little. You can inbox me if you want to talk more because I am more than happy to help. I really do hope this helps, please don't hesitate to ask any other questions. Hope this helps xx

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