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December 15, 2010Answers:
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so im 17 yrs old from canada. im in a long distnace relationship with a guy who is also 17 and lives in the usa. 9 hrs and 36 min away from me. We talk every day on skype and have been for 10 months. We love eachother to death! we have so many things in common and even our birthdays are right after eachother. My family knows about him as well as his about me. my dad has talked to him and i have in ways talked to his. He plans on coming up here in the summer for a couple weeks to see me cause we have never meet in person. ...he just hasnt got the ok from his parents yet...and i really hope they say yes.
What im really askin here is, its the hardest thing i have ever done, parents arent really for it and some friends arent eiether which make it hard. Is there anyone who is in the same situation and still together...married maybe? What was it like meeting for the sametime? awkward? and advice? I really want to get peoples advice who are or were in a long distance relationship. Thank you so much for your time!
I've been in long distance relationships before. One was a guy that I met like you did, online, and hadn't met him. But we did the skype thing, and were committed to each other. We did that for over a year, til we finally couldn't take it anymore. When I think about all the money i've wasted in my life, why hadn't we just spent the few hundred dollars and spent a weekend together? I don't know. He still talks to me a lot, and I know he'll never move on til we do meet. I reccomend you two do meet up, because even if it doesn't go well, atleast you wont spend the rest of your life wondering what could have happened. Just be sure to be safe about it... Good luck
so my ex boyfriend and i are having a huge disagreement over something. we broke up a while back ago. like june. and over summer/fall we were talking about getting back together but i wasn't sure so i kept putting it off and denying him.
now we are having a huge dilemma. he keeps saying that i was hurting him intentionally and that i was using him and playing him (because i kept his hopes up of getting back together but it never happened). yeah i made a mistake. guess what? i admitted it and i said sorry to him. i told him i was truly sorry for playing him but i wasn't doing it on purpose. he won't believe me though. he is so stubborn and nothing will change his belief that i did it on purpose to make him hurt. but thats not true.
this dilemma has been going on for about a week now. us 2 fighting and him saying i was hurting him on purpose but im telling him i didnt know what i wanted and that i care about him and want to be friends and i asked for his forgiveness. I'm practicaly begging him to forgive me. want to know what? because he is my first love. and to be honest, i feel like he and i have unfinished business. (we broke up over nothing really. we went out for a year) i guess you could say i still love him and care about him but he is pretty determined that i was doing this whole thing for revenge since he broke up with me.
any advice on what to do? i've been debating if i should leave him be and let him do what he wants, but i can't stand the idea of him and i not talking. i miss him. i want to be friends with him. i want to prove to him i wasn't doing it on purpose and that i was confused about what i wanted. how do i change his mind? i was thinking about driving over to his house after school to talk to him face to face? i really don't want to lose him because like i said, i feel like we have unfinished business and i dont want to risk losing that. i really care about him and i will fight until i bleed to keep him and make him realize i care about him more than anything and that he should consider forgiving me for my mistakes.
thank you!
Can't have your cake and eat it too. You admitted to playing him, and you're still doing it by letting him hang on to that one little thread of chance that you'll get back with him. He's clearly in love with you, and i know you say you love him too. If you really do, you need to figure out what you want, and what's best for you so you can both begin to fix things, weither that is together, or apart... Good luck!
Recently, I've noticed this guy in my class and we started to talk a bit in class 2 weeks ago, we would talk about school and say hi when we see each other, then I realized that I was attracted to him. Today, I saw him and we started talking to each other, and then I asked him where is a good place to get pizza and he told me the place, then I asked him to take me to go eat in that place, he said he is broke at that moment, but he said he would, and then after that I exchanged phone numbers with him so he can at least have a contact and try talking to each other more. After that, I was studying at the library and I saw him doing his homework also, but I don't know if he didn't see me or pretend not to see me because he was talking to his friend next to me and the computer was covering his face, I'm not sure if I came on too strong and scared him away, what do you guys think? I don't like him, I think he's cute and nice but I just want to get to know him as friends.
It was probably just one of those awkward moments where you just talked to someone, you don't want to say hi again after you just said hi. Or maybe he thought the same thing you did, like "why didn't she just say hi to me or acknowledge me?" Give it time. I think you should let him talk to you or text you first about hanging out or whatever, because like you said you don't want to come on too strong. And you haven't yet, you've done everything right exactly how you're supposed to. So now you just wait patiently :)
I'm sure he's just waiting til he gets some money together so he doesn't look dumb taking you out broke. No guy would want to be embarassed like that. Good luck in the boy search ;)
Well, to start off, my (ex)girlfriend and I had been going out for over 2.5 years. She was my first serious relationship. We're both freshmen in college now, and we broke it off about 2 and a half weeks ago.
I loved her with all i had to give, and she had been my best friend for most of the time we were together. We knew nearly everything about each other all the time. I had no problem devoting an hour or more every weeknight to talk to her, and I spent every weekend with her since school started this year.
The only issues we had was that I kind of had an addiction to pornography, and her attitude tended to make our disputes much worse than they should have been. We would have manageable fights over smaller things, but when i would admit to her that i viewed porn recently, things would get out of hand and escalate. Fights got worse and worse the more we had, and eventually they got to the point where we hit each other.
About a month ago, we got in one such fight that went further than they had ever gotten, and I decided to tell her that it was destructive for the both of us to continue doing this. I seriously tried to break up with her for the first time. Consequently, she threatened to kill herself that night if after I left, so i spent the night and skipped classes for that Monday.
After that weekend, I just didn't feel quite the same. I felt like what she had done was selfish, but i didn't mind giving us another chance. Talking to her on the phone simply got extremely boresome to me after a half hour or so, and things just didnt feel right to me when we talked. I can't quite explain how i felt- i just got repulsed by talking to her after a certain amount of time into the conversation. I used to love talking to her- this felt so strange.
We spent thanksgiving weekend together and things felt better again. I wanted to talk to her and be with her, but she was uncomfortable with the way our conversations went the week before. By the end of the weekend i wholeheartedly decided that i would love her again and try my best to be hers, and we promised to help each other work through our disputes and such. We were even comfortable enough with each other to have sex that Saturday night.
that Monday evening, i picked up the phone to talk to her and after 15 minutes or so, I simply didn't have any interest in talking, once again. I felt like a totally different person from the one who promised to devote himself to her from now on. I told her straight up how i felt and we decided that i might be able to use a break. She doesn't believe in breaks, so it took a lot of convincing, but we decided to go no-communication until that Friday. I talked to her that night, and felt the same exact feeling, and we broke up later that night.
My problem is that i can't "get over" our lack of a relationship. I just don't feel like its hit me yet or something. I by no means hate her, and I don't think about her enough during the day for the lack of her being there to affect me. I'm still taking care of a bonsai tree she gave me as a gift, and i forgot to take down some pictures of her for a week. Neither seeing these objects, nor thinking about her bothered me. Even the break-up went easy for me.
I visited her last week to receive some of my belongings she still had and, to my surprise, I couldn't stop crying. I saw her, and everything came back to me. She told me she had cried about the break-up for days afterwards, and it seemed like she had come to terms with it and was fine with seeing me. Yet I couldn't talk to her or even be around her without feeling completely miserable. I wanted to hold her and tell her everything will be alright, but i knew i couldn't.
Again, the strange thing is that once I got my stuff and headed back to school, i felt fine again. Once i got around my friends again i never thought twice about it. I haven't shed a single tear about this breakup except for when i encountered her to get my things that last weekend.
I feel like i'm two different people: One who cares deeply about everything i used to have, and Another who couldn't care less about it if he tried. I don't know if i should be thankful that the break-up went easily or if i should be worried that I'm not over this yet. How can I go from using her gifts and seeing her picture every day and feeling nothing to seeing her in person and falling apart? I've TRIED to feel sad about breaking up with my Ex, i remember everything and tell myself it will never be that way again, its like i can't convince myself that I lost something important. Its like i forgot how to sense my feelings when i'm not with her.
I just don't know anymore... How should i feel? this just doesn't seem normal. :(
Firstly, I hope you weren't personally hurt by her nagging about porn. It is EXTREMELY common for people to watch porn. That never should have been a huge issue for your relationship. It's one thing if you can't leave your house without watching multiple hours of porn, but viewing some is COMPLETELY normal for males your age.
Secondly, your reaction after the break up is also normal, though the situation seems so dificult. It's like you never got to say bye to the 'real her' the girl you fell in love with, because she changed so much, and was a completely different person after all the fighting.
Lastly, I think you are completely on the right path. The questions are going to seem un-answered, 'loose-ends' and going to seem un-tied, everything is just going to suck for a while. In a month or two, when you begin to move on, and meet other girls on campus, and remember what it's like to be single, I think you're going to be very very happy with where you are and the decisions you made.
Being friends with her a few months down the road isn't out of the question, but I think you should distance yourself from her for a while, and both get healthy on your own. Good luck..