about

I'm Shelagh.
I found this site when I decided it's time to stop sitting around watching people struggling and actually do something about it.
I'm a full time musician at the minute.
Occassionally I work at a recording studio.
I do wish to chase a career in music, but at the same time I understand the lack of security in that and so in a way Im still trying to figure out where Im going in life.
Although it makes life a lot more interesting if you dont know where you're going I guess.
Im new here, but Im eager to help, so do feel free to drop me a line, regardless of who you are.
Im here to listen and offer advice if it's requested. So feel free to chat away like.
Check out my myspace to find out more about me if you want: www.myspace.com/shelaghmonaghan
I write tons of essays and rants on there about life and such.

advice

Okay, so after my past relationship. I'm really not expecting anything good or long lasting right now.

So I liked this girl. (I'm a girl too)
She's nice, we have things in common and she's easy to talk to about things. Whenever I'm AROUND her.. I know i like her and I want to kiss her.

But whenever she's not here (we don't go to the same school yet) I feel unattached. Is that bad? I wouldn't cheat, I just have little crushes.

I'm starting to like this guy. (Don't say, you think I'm not bi anymore) He gives me butterflies and he's also nice too.
I'm not sure what to do though.

I have feelings for my girlfriend but then I don't.

We haven't been going out for long. Maybe like a week and I don't think I want to break up with her. I don't want to hurt her. I want her to HURT me. :[ Doesn't that sound weird?

I doubt anything could happen with this guy.. I'm not sure what to do with my girlfriend though.

Greetings.
I think all you can really do is sit down and think and try to figure out who you want to be with, if anyone.

About your girlfriend hurting you, you might just be feeling guilty for liking someone else and wanting her to hurt you so you can break up with her for a reason, to make it easier on yourself.
I don't think you should ever stay with someone out of obligation or guilt. If your heart isn't in it, then there's no point.
Basically follow your heart, if you do end up breaking up with this girl, tell her the truth, explain to her why, that it isn't her, it's just that you didn't think it was fair to be with her when you're thinking of someone else.

However, I think it's pretty much normal to feel unattached when someone isn't there. You might just be an unobsessive person, you care for her but you're not completely infatuated.

I say give it more time, you will become more aware with what you really want.
You could ask your girlfriend for a break for a while and explain that you just need to sort somethings out before you two end up getting any deeper into things.
I'd suggest NOT getting it together with this guy during this break otherwise things might just get more complicated.
Just take sometime and try to figure things out.
Then make your choice when you're sure.
You'll either realise how much you like being with this girl or that you're not that fused.

And I dont think it's a case of "am I gay or straight?", because I personally believe you like who you like and it doesnt matter what labels the people fall under (age, race, sex, etc.)

Hope I've been of some help.
Any questions, just ask.
Good luck!
Shelagh

[view]

im 16/f. my boyfriend is 18/f. they are taking his best friend out to the strip club for his 18th birthday. should i or should i not care? because i don't know how i feel about it right now.

Greetings.
I honestly dont think you have to worry.
I think it might be a bit of a misconception that because someone enjoys a night being entertained by a stripper that they are likely to cheat on you or whatnot.
I have found that strip bars offer a distance that relationship dont allow.
Basically it's a way to relax for some people; you go to the strip club, you, the stripper and everyone KNOW why you're there, it's to watch attractive women dance, it gives a clarity, which is good; it also means you can indulge in a fantasy that you might not be able to with your partner (normally because you respect them too much to ask them to wear a pvc uniform and dance for you and appear to "degrade" yourself. I personally dont see stripping as degrading, but most people have it reinforced by the media or religion, that it is "wrong").
I personally think letting your significant other go and indulge in this spectacle is better, as they can go drool over another person and not feel guilty about it.

Be safe in the knowledge that they are choosing to come home to you after all, which must mean they feel strongly about you.
Anyone can be a sex object to them, but you are the one that they see in a more meaningful light.

And I keep saying it again and again, talk to your partners, a good communication avoids these bad feelings and complications, it brings you closer together.

Hope I've been of some help!
-Shelagh

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker