Hey i'm not quite sure where to start, i'm a younger sister and an older sister so i understand that stuff (two brothers), i love sports, arts, reading, i hate math, i love giving advice, i want to really help people, i hate gossip, i love animals, and um.. i have friends that are girls and friends that are boys, sorry if that's too long.
Website: Ask Anna
Gender: Female
Occupation: Student
Age: 14
Member Since: July 23, 2007
Answers: 37
Last Update: July 26, 2007
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My older sister writes in her diary every day, so as a younger sister when she's not home, i read her diary usually it's just about cute boys, and gossip, but i was reading her latest entry and it said that her boyfriend is hitting her and she hasn't told anyone, i'm the only one who knows this, why is she letting him do this, and what should i do??? Please help A.S.A.P i don't want my sister to get hurt anymore. (link)
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Sorry if this answer is very long but this is a serious subject.
If you want to understand what your sister is feeling these are the reasons:
1. Peer pressure- she might feeling pressure to be popular, sometimes teenagers feel that being in an abusive relationship is not as bad as being alone which wil negatively affect their popularity
2. Lack of control- sometimes victims feel that they can't tell adults because adults will take control of the situation and make all the decisions, they ironically prefer the abuser's control then the parent's control, and sometimes adults don't treat teenage abuse seriously enough.
3. Safety- Teenagers feel unsafe breaking with an abusive partner because this person may have access to them at school or in the community, they rarely have the opportunity to seek refuge in a shelter or something of that sort, unfortunately service providers don't always take the issue seriously
4. Poor Information- Teens generally get their social information from their peers, they may be misinformed from peers or their partner that this abuse is normal sexuality in a relationship, such ideas that women are mens sex slaves might be reinforced by music videos, movies, television, advertising, and such.
5. Low Self-Esteem- Victims generally suffer from low self-esteem, they feel they will never find another partner, they feel alone, with no one to talk to, and no one who understands their pain. Abusive partners offer a place of "belonging"
6. Lack of community supports- Dating abuse still lacks attention from community service providers, especially adolescents, there are anonymous crisis lines, but there aren't many services.
Here are tips for helping your sister:ow but don't be confronta
1. Listen without criticizing
2. Show concern but don't be confrontational. Say "im worried that you could get hurt and i want to help" instead of "I know you are being abused and you have to break up with this jerk"
3. Be patient. They may deny the abuse out of embarassment or fear, but criticism will only further alienate.
4. Offer help but do not take control. Your goal is to empoweryour sister to make wise and safe choices.
5. Concentrate on their strengths to increase their feelings of self-worth
6. Be honest. discuss the limits of confidentiality up front so they know under what conditions you will involve other people, including parents, school, police.
7. Don't victim-blame by asking questions like what did you do to make him mad? Help them understand that the abuser is responsible for his actions.
8. Criticize only the abusive behavior not the abuser. The victim will feel forced to defen the person they care about and will not trust you to help. Understand that ambivalence is normal and the victim will take time to make change
9. Continue your support even if they choose to stay in the abusive relationship. When they are ready to think about leaving, they will be more likey to seek your help.
10. Continue to support even if the victim returns to an abusive relationship. Maybe they just need more time to develop stronger boundaries and courage.
11. Ask them how they feel don't tell them how they feel or how they should feel.
12. Be aware of your own "baggage". Don't bring your issues to the victim's relationship.
13. Be sensitive to cultural differences and realize that not everyone will share your values.
14 Provide information about relationship abuse. Give them numbers and names of community resources that can help them.
15. Encourage them to share their situation with family or caregivers secrecy nourishes abuse.
I know this might be a lot for you, and remember this can't all be done at once.
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i have this friend and ive gone with her and her boyfriend and a few other people to the movies. well when they are at the movies she lays on him and he puts his arm around her and stuff. and she sometimes like sits on him and they make out and its cute.
well im going to the movies with my boyfriend soon and i want to do that kind of stuff. how do i get him to do that. i dont just want to throw myself on him. how do i know he likes to do that kind of stuff too? i dont want to ask him cause thats kinda of weird. (link)
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First of alll if you really like this boy throwing yourself at him or asking him is not the answer he will think your just a slut, which i'm not saying you are but he might not be into that stuff let the events roll if something does happen great, if nothing happens then ask yourself what you really want from this boy do you like him do you want him as a boyfriend or do you just want someone to kiss and cuddle, either one is fine but only you know what you really want
Beware of going out with slutty guys because you want that though because that will just get you a bad reputation
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14 f
Does anyone have good flirting tips? what do boys like? What are some things I could do to show this boy I like him without saying it ? (link)
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A lot depends on the boys personality, is he show-offy and assertive, or shy and sweet natured. No matter what kind of guy he is body-language is super important, when you're talking maintain eye contact, smile :), bite your lip and look into his eyes, and remember guys like girls who are real so don't try to fake your way into his heart, and when he talks to you talk back, you don't have to be all over him but if you play to hard to get he'll never know you like him. hope it helps
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