I suppose I should introduce myself to you, and give you whatever I feel makes me quaified to do this.
Well, I'm Celena
And my Qualifications are: None.
I'm being completely honest, I'm totally underqualified.
But that's ok, because my sole purpose here is to entertain you.
I will answer questions truthfully and honestly, and giving the best advice I know how to give, as best as advice can be given from someone whose brain has been baked by Calculus, Unix and C++.
Also I suppose I should make some sort of a vision statment:
I promise, to you, my reader that I will keep this column as interesting and informative as the folks asking the questions allow.
There you are folks, I'm at your disposal, fire away.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Glorified Secretary. Computer Science Student
AIM: Celenachan
Member Since: December 3, 2003
Answers: 29
Last Update: October 4, 2005
Visitors: 3405
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I'm a 20 year old college Junior who is frustrated with her boyfriend. We've been together for a little over three months and he won't ever do more then a quick kiss on the lips. It's not like I want to have sex or anything but I don't know what to do, I am so frustrated. I've tried talking to him but all he says is that he doesn't want to do anything he'll regret. It is gotten to the point that he is so afraid of being alone with me that he refuses to come over to my house. I know he's really religious but at the same time it's really driving me insane.
Please help.
Erin (link)
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Sounds like you and your boyfriend are on different pages when it comes to the physical aspects of your relationships, eh Erin? It also sounds like the two of you are long overdue for a real conversation on this topic. And by a real conversation, I do not mean that you need to come in swinging low punches or that you need to let yourself be walked on. Good relationships are all about compromise.
If he says that he does not want to do something that he will regret, ask him, specifically, what he will regret. If he cannot give you a definite answer, then you need to sit down together and figure out where your boundaries are. If his religion is the driving factor, you need to make sure that you are both on the same page about that as well. In addition, you need to assert yourself, and make sure that he fully understands your perspective. Physical aspects of relationships are very personal decisions, and something that the two of you have to come to a consensus over. On the one hand, you shouldn't pressure him into a situation that he is uncomfortable with, but on the other he should also have your best interests in mind. I can't tell you what the right decision for the two of you is, you have to find that out together.
A compromise I reccommend about his reluctance to come over to your house is to stay in neutral rooms (ie, out of your bedroom) plan an activity ahead of time and stick to it. That way you won't be tempted into anything you didn't already plan and you can both enjoy each other's company.
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So, Celena darling, help me out here.
I like this guy a lot. We happen to be very close friends, and I am fairly sure that he looks on me as at least a *little* more than a friend. I know for a fact a relationship would do nothing to damage our friendship, even if such a relationship were to terminate. He's just not that kind of person.
The PROBLEM is, I told him I liked him months ago, before he developed whatever small reciprocation he has now. I bring it up occasionally in social situations, just a little remark to let him know *I*'m still interested... and he usually drops the bait. I know the ball is in his court, so I guess my question is...
Do I wait for him? I think it's worth it, but I don't know if he'll EVER come around... (link)
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I see two sides to this rather interesting coin.
On the one hand, you've already told him you are interested, and, as you've said the ball is in his court.
On the other hand, if, as you say, you have nothing to lose from bringing the topic up again, well, why not?
However, if he presents you with a second no, then you need to put this behind you, as solidly and quickly as possible.
Trust me, nothing in the world is harder than putting a crush on a good friend behind you.
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Okay, there's this guy I like. But, I'm not sure he likes me back. He isn't very nice to me around his friends, and he wasn't mean before I told him I like him. BUT I went to a sports game of his, and he kept looking at me. Is it because I was out of place or not? PLEASE HELP! Thanks for your time- Sakura (NOTE: Some evil guy told him that I liked him, and he said "Ewww." Then, a friend of mine covered for me and said that the evil guy was lying. But some time later I told him I liked him. Also, at the sports game, I told him 'good game' and he gave me a weird look. Is that because his friends were around?)
(link)
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Alrighty, Sakura, this may come as a shock, but chances are he wasn't looking at YOU at that sports game, but at that super cute blonde chicky on the bleachers behind you.
Sweetie, I'm sure you're a wonderful girl with a beautiful personality, and I hate to break this to you, but you have unforutantely developed a SATANIC. That is "Sudden Attraction To A Narcissistic Idiot Complex." This guy isn't into you, or more likely thinks you are 'beneath him.' That is -- by seeming attracted to you it will lower his "image." In other words, he isn't worth your affections.
So, Sakura, My advice to you is, have a good cry and try your best to get over this guy. He's hurting you whether he realizes it or not, and you, dear, don't need that kind of stress. So, take some time out, and have some girl-time with your friends (who seem to be willing to stick by you.), eat some chocolate and watch some Julia Roberts flicks.
Then, when you feel like you're ready to move on, the best of luck to you finding a guy who appreciates your beauty based on who you are.
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I need help my crush does not have a crush on me what should i do? (link)
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Well, the first thing you should do is include something I can call you with your question. Thus, diving again into the bag of horrible names which I give to people who don't name themselves, I dub thee Gertrude.
Ok, Gertrude, what you should do is endlessly obsess about this guy, follow him around, doodle his name with little hearts on your peachy folders, buy yourself a ring with his first initial carved in it, if you live near enough, set up a tent and camp out on his doorstep, call his phone at odd hours of the night, email him every hour on the hour (make sure you send lot of forwards and surveys about yourself), oh and buy him a 2004 Chevy Corvette, but send it to my address.
Come ON, Gertrude, what did you think I would say? If he's not into you, he's not into you. That's it, the end. You guys can become friends if you feel comfortable enough with him and yourself to do that, but for now, that's the extent of anything that might happen between you two. You can't MAKE someone like you, Gertrude, that's just the way things are.
Oh and that corvette? Make it silver.
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Hi Celena, I have this problem. I'm married to this person, ok? Her name is Celena, but she's cheating on me behind my back with this guy... =( Keep in mind that we have beautiful, talented and smart children.
-Sailor Erin (link)
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Well, Sailor Erin, It seems that this Celena character has been throwing you for a loop while she runs off and has fun with this other guy! How dare she! I recomend that you teach the beautiful children to cry, the talented children to write a heartwrenching melody, and the smart children to deliver a short, but heartfelt and effective guilt speech. Then sic them ALL on her at the same time. She'll be helpless. Failing that, join the fun with the other guy. After all, you can always have have more beautiful, talented, and smart children!
Good luck, Sailor Erin!
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Ok, Not too long ago, my best friend and I both liked the same guy. I dont think anyone knew it but us 3. Anyways, the guy (I'll call him Roboert) told me that he liked me. And my best friend was sitting right there. She got really mad because he knew that she liked him alot and he decided to like me. She even got mad at me. Well, she got a boyfriend and everything was cool. But now, they're fighting and she's started talking to Robert more. We're not goin out or anything but, I dont want the same problem to happen again. What should I do? I mean, should I stop liking him for my friend or is she a friend at all if she'd get mad at me for someone liking me??
--Thanks--
~Confused~
(link)
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Alrighty, Confused, I just got a phone call, it was Junior High. They want you to give them their drama back. But let's adress the issue first, shall we?
You are the only person not in the wrong here. You have three possible plans of attack:
1. Date Robert, piss of your 'friend' and then break up with him three months later when he decides he likes your friend better.
2. Don't date Robert, resent your 'friend', and later hook up with her current boyfriend to piss her off. (Meanwhile Robert dates that weird girl from your English class who writes depressing poetry on her peachy folder.)
3. Wash your hands of this Junior High drama, realize that both your friend and Robert are behaving in a manner that would disgust any self-respecting seventh grader. If Robert was really interested in you he would have taken you aside privately to share his feelings, not make a pronouncement in front of your friend who he knew would be jealous. On the other side of the equation, your friend has a boyfriend, and can't date Robert anyway. She's being petty, possesive and selfish. I'd say your best bet is to talk a little more with that
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Theres this guy at my school, I REALLY like him and I've told him exactly how I feel. One day we were on the bus, on the way to a football game, and he told me that he liked me too. Now that he told me that, everything is all weird between us. And he alwayz reminds me that he likes me but, he never does anything about it. He also likes this other girl but, IDK. He flirts with me and stuff like that...I don't know what Im supposed to do to find out if he really likes me or if its really gonna go anywheres. I dont wanna talk to him and make myself look like a complete idiot. And I dont want to hold on if theres nothing there and theres never gonna be anything...He got really mad at me for goin to my sis' boyfriends and watchin a movie with his cousin. I mean, my god!! If he wants me so bad, why dont he just take me?? I guess what I want to know is...how do u know if a guy really likes you and do you think i should just let go..and if so, how do i do that? Thanx for your help in advance!! (link)
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What is with people not signing their names, or at least an alias, to questions? As of this question I'm going to re-name anyone who doesn't include some sort of a name myself. Starting with you, Humberta.
Well, Humberta, The only way you are ever going to know if this guy likes you is to call up a psycic hotline and ask them to read his mind for you.
Get real.
Obviously, you're going to have put looking like an idiot on the line and ask him where he feels his interest in you is going. Tell him that you feel he isn't giving you enough attention to sustain a relationship at present. Also, tell him what your expectations and interests with and in him are. If he consents to an exclusive relationship and forgets that other girl, good for you. If not, also good for you, because you get to pull yourself out of what looks like it's turning into a never ending cycle of mindgames and emotional crap.
As for letting go, there's about a million articles, books, TV movies, help ads and programs on letting go, which, of course means - None of them work. There is one tried and true method to letting go: Time and separation.
Good luck, Humberta.
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okay, i asked you guys about a 22 year old minister who loves me, a 14 year old. well, it's gotten worse. he's called me, and he told me that he had a dream about me, and we had sex. yikes! i really don't know what to do about him. i don't want to make him mad, because he knows my phone number and could easily find out where i live. any advice? (link)
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Yes. My advice is to listen to my first advice to you. And to learn to capitalize. My next advice is thus:
This man is a predator. Tell your parents or another responsible adult exactly what he said to you. If they refuse to do anything, disbelieve you, or feel you are creating drama, tell him that if he continues his current behavioral pattern you will not hesitate to file a release report. If he continues, follow up. What his is pursuing is illegal. That is, against the law. Meaning he is a criminal. Got it?
And for the love of all things shiny, get some therapy!
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hey. well, to get right to it, there's this guy i fell in love with. he's a senior, and i'm a freshman, but i still love him more than life itself. but there are so many problems....he is my 19th cousin...do u think that's bad? then there's his "new" girlfriend. and the fact that he loves his 3rd cousin, which is worse than me. but the real problem is he is a vampire. i'm serious. he sucks his blood and everything! he's even tried to kill me a number of times. but i still fell in love with him somehow. but the day i found out he had a girlfriend, i slit my wrist 23 times. i've been doing it every night for almost a month now because of him. now, i'm not pretty or skinny, so it's not like i have another guy to like instead. do you have any advice? and then...there's my second problem. i'm 14, and there's this really nice, really sweet 22 year old who loves me. and i have no clue what to do. he's a minister, but he has a bad past and reputation. some of my friends are afraid that he'll rape me or something like that. but i like him alot. what should i do? cuz it's kinda illegal.......well, thanks in advance for any help you can offer. Bye (link)
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Wow. Would you like the short answer or the long one? Wait, I know! I'll give you the short answer and then move gracefully into the long one. The short answer is about three words long. Are you ready? Got your scratch pad? A pen? Good. You'll want to take this down:
Therapy, Therapy, Therapy!
Now here's the long answer.
I don't know who started this chaotic mess in your life, but it's time for you to break the cycle, and you can start by breaking it off, not with one, but with both of these men. Vampire Boy is obviously unhealty for you. Of course, he was probably abused as well, but that's no excuse for his violent acting out. You being cousins, regardless of how close, does not even come near the top of the reasons I would be locking you away from this boy. But I do think you need to look inside yourself and think long and hard about what attracts you to such a chaotic, issue-filled man. Then you need to work at never being attracted to those things again. Also, you need to tell them to a Therapist. Moving on.
Onto Minister Boy. Are you sure he's not a Catholic Priest? I don't care if he's so sweet, he blows gumdrops out of his nose instead of snot. The man is twenty-two years old. And you are fourteen. I don't care how developed or mature you are or think you are, the man is a criminal. If you get involved with him, and anyone presses charges he WILL go to jail. Also, your friends are, it seems, a good deal wiser than you on this one. I'd say that this may be one of the few safe times to listen to what they have to say.
Now, to adress your desire to cut your arms to ribbons. Stop that. And stop it quickly. None of these chaotic, asshole men are worth a pinprick on any girl's body. That statement merely solidifies my opinion that you desperately need therapy.
As stated above. You need to find a therapist, or at the least a mature, responsible adult to talk these things through with. You are too young to be dealing with this kind of chaos alone, or even with a group of young chaotic friends.
In closing:
Don't. Get. Pregnant.
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