So... I recently found this thing online, a kink called ddlg. If you're not familiar with it, it's short for daddy dom little girl. Of course, this isn't actual incest or pedophilia. If you need any more information, some quick googling will give you a good answer. I think I might be kind of into this. I love when my boyfriend tells me what to do, when he "punishes" me during sex, and when he calls me kitten, doll, baby girl, or other names like that. I like acting child-like with him, and he likes when I dress like a kid, like when I wear cat ears. He takes care of me, in a way, like he reminds me to do my homework and makes sure I'm responsible. I'm sure this isn't the best description. I'm wondering if I should bring this up to him. We're very open about sex and everything else, and I feel weird not talking to him about this. It doesn't seem like a serious thing to me, but I do want to know his opinion of it. I don't want us to actively participate in this kink, I'm very happy with our sexual relationship, but it feels weird not to know where he stands on this. I would really like him to know that it's a turn on for me to somewhat act out the child-like part of this kink, but I'm afraid to tell him. So, basically... do you think I should bring this up to my boyfriend? Would it be easier to maybe send him a link about the ddlg thing, or just to explain my particular interests to begin with and not mention the ddlg kink at all? I'm afraid either way he'll think it's odd that I want to be treated like a kid at times. I don't expect this kink to take over our lives and I don't want it to, so in a way I feel like I'm making too big of a deal of this. Should I tell him and how should I tell him?
Dear Should I Tell,
Yes, tell him what you like. The best sex is always when your partner knows how to please you. I think he will be open to it, since he already does these things with you.
I find the best way to tell my husband what I like is during sex, I come right out and say, "I love it when you do this." Or I guide him into doing it and then tell him, "I love that. Do it some more."
Telling him what you like is not a crime and promotes honest communication. Those are two keys to a healthy relationship.
I think everything will work out great for you. Good luck! Let me know how it goes. You can email me anytime.
Best wishes,
Gigglz
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Hello, I am 22, female and dating a 24 year old male. He and I have been together for a little over two years now so it's safe to say I know quite a bit about him as does he, though you can't really time stamp that kind of thing. However, I know that he can get into moods, very similar to me on my period so we pretty much know what we need to do when the other gets like that. I'm an open book so I'll cry to him about getting sad over a television commercial or something when I'm on my period, whereas him, not so much.
So, this past week he's been in a funk, he hasn't been talking much, he's been getting irritated at very small things....we were out yesterday to a local park for an event and he wanted to bring his dog but his dog had to be home by a certain time to take his seizure medicine, on our way to the event, there was a very large accident which caused all of the main route to be shut down so it tripled our time of getting there so he was just worried that the accident wouldn't be cleaned up in time so he timed it that if it weren't we would still have time to get his dog home. My parents were telling he and I what their plans were for the night and that kind of thing as we were leaving and he was just getting so frustrated that "nobody was helping him get home by 6" he felt like everyone was against him in getting his dog home so he face walked all the way to the car, I walked normally and then he got irritated with me in the car that I was walking too slowly, therefore I wasn't helping him complete his task of getting home in time either. So, I know I shouldn't have, but I got angry and I yelled that he's been in a mood all week, what is his issue. He still wouldn't tell me.
Meanwhile, this same time last week, I was asking him what his problems were and telling him that I would be there for him and he literally said "geez, get off my case, would you?" I got so hurt that I stopped caring, I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't want to even know what was making him that way anymore. So, like i said again, I asked him and he still didn't tell me so when we got back to his house, he asked if I was just going to wait outside and then we could do what we had planned which was to grab dinner and a couple drinks but I was just so, hurt I guess you could say, that I told him I was walking back to my house and that he can just stay at his house that night. He had texted me a couple hours later, ensuring my safety and then he asked if he could come over so we could talk about what happened. I told him no because I just wasn't in the mood to get yelled at again.
When he gets in these moods, he says things that he would either regret or things that I know he doesn't mean - like his brain thought was before his mouth and that's when he yelled at me to get off his case because he said he felt like I was "interrogating him" and he felt "extremely overwhelmed". But then I told him that I don't like that when he gets in these moods, he takes it out on everyone so he'll just be short and very sassy to my mom and I do not appreciate anyone talking to my mom in a negative tone so I brought that up to him too like "hey, i know you wanted to get lucky home and my mom didn't know that you were on such a time restraint, she just wanted to let you know they were going to a concert and that we would have the house to ourselves until really late" because all while she was talking to him, he was sighing and giving one word answers and looking very unenthused. She cooks extra dinner for him every night, she lets him take showers at my house when he needs to, she is just the last person that he needs to be giving attitude to, when I made it abundantly clear that no matter how bad my mood is or how bad I feel, I would never disrespect his mom and his response was "yeah, well you aren't at my house half as much as I'm at yours".
So, it's the next day - we had gotten invited to go see a Grateful Dead cover band, something that he was excited to do before this whole thing went down, so I texted him to remind him, I'm really still not in the mood to see him yet but we are together and I thought that if I saw him, we could just talk and get everything out, I don't know. But he texted me back that he was going to pass, he was out hiking with his dog, something that we used to do with both of our dogs together.
I know it isn't a lot and I know I'm painting him out to be this awful person but he really isn't, he gets in these moods not as frequently as I do (my period, mostly). He is very sweet 97% of the time, for our two year anniversary, he planned us a whole trip to Niagara Falls and then we continued to road trip all the way through Canada. For my birthday, he wrote me this whole big letter about all the things he loves about me. When my car battery died, he jumped me and even took me to four different places so I could price match batteries and then even drove me all the way back to the first store because it wound up being the cheapest. He has never, ever hit me, never even got anywhere close to it or anything similar. We just have big arguments that last for a few days and then everything is fine after we talk about it. But lately, I've just been thinking he is dealing with something and he isn't telling me. My mom said she really believes that he has a mild form of anxiety, she'd had it for about 30 years so she really is keen on that kind of thing. His mom even said to my mom after we got back from Canada that she is shocked he drove the entire way because she really thought that his "anxious thoughts" would cause him to not want to drive further anymore. I just need help so I know how to help but I'm not even sure how I can help him if he won't ever talk to me about anything. I just feel so stuck. Please don't just tell me to leave him, I know that I get into moods that turn me into a raging bitch sometimes and he has dealt with every single one of my tantrums and yelling matches about things so I just want to be there for him and see if there's anything I can do.
Thank you.
Dear Anxiety or Depression,
Anxiety can make us all go crazy sometimes, and leads to depression and that out of control feeling. In my experience, anxiety is often caused by stress. Stress comes in all shapes and sizes, but it is how we deal with stress that can leave us with a bad taste in our relationships.
The first thing I would do is look at how you deal with stress. Yelling at each other is not the answer and it is not how you are supposed to treat the ones you love.
I used to be like this. I have been there and done that. It ruined my life in so many ways until I learned how to change things that affected my ability to handle stress.
The next thing I suggest is looking at your diets. Foods have a way of creating an imbalance in our brain chemistry. This can cloud our ability to handle and manage our moods. Look at the ingredients in the foods you are consuming and check for things like polysorbate 80, vitamin A palmitate and even sugar.
There are so many foods that affect moods I cannot list them all. The food industry has been corrupted and our food sources are clogging our judgements and our abilities to cope with life.
Visit this site, know your blood type and change your diets. That is the first step to being able to handle stress and control your moods. If either of you are depressed, which happens when you have problems with moods that cause you to yell, changing your diet will help as well.
http://www.dadamo.com/txt/index.pl?1001
The next step is to be aware enough that when you get into a mood, you can choose not to let it control you. Stop, take a breath and tell yourself you will be all right. Remind yourself that when you get into a mood, and feel like yelling, you are hurting yourself and others.
I challenge you and your boyfriend to eat for your blood types for at least the next 2 months. If you are serious about helping him, then you will do this with him. Both of you need to heal from the things that have already happened, that starts with a change of diet and a change in awareness.
If the moods are still present after changing your diets, then it is time to seek professional medical help for anxiety and depression. They come together.
Good luck and let me know how you are both doing. You can e-mail me anytime.
Best wishes,
Gigglz
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