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Member Since: December 31, 2006
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Last Update: August 30, 2022
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I have been dating this man for 7 months now. But it doesn’t feel like that long because we don’t see each other very often. About once a week throughout this whole time. He told me that his intentions with me are to be in a relationship. He also told me I’m his favorite woman out of everyone he’s dating and he does special things for me and no one else, the other women are just sex.
My problem is not that he’s with other women. My problem is that i feel like he doesn’t like me as much as i like him. I’m afraid “I love you” will slip out of my mouth before he says it to me. And i will feel like i care the most. Which has always hurt me in the past, and those relationships have ended because I’ve become clingy and just too involved in those relationships.
I’ve been doing it different with him though, i allow him to initiate all the dates and all the conversations. I haven’t been very good at allowing him to address any issues between us because he’s a very easy going guy and not many things bother him. So i find myself bringing it up when i need something to change. (I don’t like it because he gives me the impression that he doesn’t care. If there’s really nothing to say to me) I’ve already asked him “where is this going” and “what if we were exclusive” and he’s given me the impression both times that he’s in no rush. But he also doesn’t want to lose me.. and this rubs me the wrong way because it doesn’t feel like he would really care if he lost me.
He says he does things for/with me that he doesn’t do with anyone else; he bought me a diamond bolo bracelet, matching robes for us, took me on 2 vacations to the Poconos, has paid for every date and almost every meal so far with little to no complaints, he has come to visit me at work twice. But only because i asked him to. he has listened to me and remembered my orders or my favorite places to go and makes sure i have the food or the dates just the way i like them.
Yet still i feel like he may be putting on an act. I only see him like 1 time a week. He maybe has the capacity to put on a front once a week for me and go back to being himself for the rest of the week. I don’t know. I’ve mentioned to him that i would like to see him more often but he has told me he has a lot going on and his schedule is mostly him at work. When he’s not at work he goes to this secret society club, spends time with his family and friends, and, you guessed it, with other women. So he doesn’t even text me or call me unless he’s setting up the next date with me. I don’t know if i should start seeing other men myself and take the pressure off of him, or just cut it off. He hasn’t lied to me or otherwise mistreated me so it’s very conflicting.
We are not in a relationship. We are not even exclusive. This feels more like prolonged friends with benefits with a vague relationship future, maybe maybe not. I’m 23 he is 29. He has his own place and when we see each other i always drive to him. (link)
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Trust your gut it will never lie to you. If red flags are popping up about him then it's time to pump the brakes. If he's as in to you as he claims he wouldn't only be seeing you once a week regardless of where he works.
People can be sweet and do things for others but can also be playing them at the same time. If you sense he's putting on an act and telling you exactly what you want to hear then trust that voice inside your head. If he's going to places that are a secret from you that's also an alarm.
It seems as though he's in to multiple women and a player. I don't think there would ever be exclusiveness with him either even though he pledges it. If he's seeing multiple people once a week then you have to imagine what he's feeding them too.
He may seem like a nice guy or someone who could be a friend but I think you're being used and played for a sucker by him. It also seems as though he's not initiating things and counting on you to do so.
As far as lavish gifts go it's the same thing that he may be using his money on other girls. How well do you know him after 7 months? What do you really want from this? Why doesn't it seem to matter if he's with others and or just being a sexual partner with nothing attached? You have to ask yourself these questions and evaluate where you should be. It doesn't sound like a situation that I personally would want to be in or keep alive.
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Rating: 2
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I don’t necessarily want to leave him. And it seems like that’s what you’re encouraging me to do. You’re projecting onto me how guys have maybe hurt you in the past, it’s not helpful to me, someone that wants to make my almost-relationship work.
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