I aim to give you solid advice on your problems. I don't sugarcoat things and I'm always straight up. Don't come asking for what you want to hear as I always give the truth even if you don't want it because it's what you need and the only way to grow.
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Member Since: December 31, 2006
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Last Update: August 30, 2022
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So I met this person at my college last year from a small Bible study group we have on campus. I met the group during my second semester and have been participating with them since then. One of the members I found admirable because of his high level or intelligence both on religious topics as well as other topics in general. I don’t have a vehicle, so two of the members would rotate giving me rides to church since we all lived in the same general area. One of them moved, so this year it had just been one person taking me. I live in the dorms now, so our dorms are right beside each other, so no one has to pick me up or anything. The whole time I had thought he had a crush on this one girl in our group and I found out I was right, but she had turned him down. I hate to admit it, but I’ve started liking this guy and I’m trying not to. I’m like 2 1/2 years older than him and a lot of guys don’t like older girls. Not to mention he likes someone I’m friends with. I’m pretty sure these feelings are one-sided, but I need some advice on how to avoid having them develop anymore? I don’t catch feelings too easily, but with my anxiety and ocd I know that this’ll just end in disaster. This person has become a pretty close friend of mine and I don’t want my feelings to mess up anything (link)
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Trying to stop liking someone you are attracted toand have a connection with is futile. All it does is torment you. A 2.5 year age gap doesn't matter because it's all about maturity. Where did you hear guys don't like older girls? That's false.
Your real problem is actually the friend who likes him. You're going to have to have an awkward but honest discussion with her. Mention that you haven't seen signs he likes either of you and have noticed him with someone else.
Put it out there that you haven't acted on any of your feelings so as not to hurt her but think there's a connection there he hasn't with anyone else. You really have to consider who is more important the guy or her? The feelings you may have for him may be unrequited but you should find out so you can move om if needed.
You can mention to the friend that one reason you never act with guys isyour anxiety disorder and OCD and them finding out and treating you badly. These disorders provided you are getting treatment for them need not lead to disaster. The right persom will have empathy and compassion and will like you for who you are. It's very important this person be able to.
Instead of asking this person out I would ask him for coffee or invite to a party. If he likes you he will move mountains to go and if not will turn you down. This is almost always a guage to determine if there's anything there. If there is things will continue to unfold naturally.
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Rating: 4
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Thank you so much for your advice! I don’t have a friend that likes him (that I know of), but rather it is him that likes a friend. Sorry for the confusion. He’s also introverted and we hang out a ton so he would probably consider it the same as our usual:(
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