I aim to give you solid advice on your problems. I don't sugarcoat things and I'm always straight up. Don't come asking for what you want to hear as I always give the truth even if you don't want it because it's what you need and the only way to grow.
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Member Since: December 31, 2006
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Last Update: August 30, 2022
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Alright I just want to say I have an extremely hard time meeting guys, at the moment I do not have friends and have always struggled with friendships. However I have questions, how can I meet guys since I am in my 30's? A guy with substance, a respectable guy? I am in the process of working on myself and I have always had a very time meeting serious guys. Most guys I meet aren't serious or flake out. It's very stressful and I have lost hope. What can I do? Lastly, I want to share a quick story about a recent incident with a guy I met. I met this guy through a meet up and he remembers me in the past meet up. With him remembering me from a past meet up I was excited- I thought it was funny he remembered me in the past. From talking to him at this event I felt a connection with him- great right? Well then I started getting red flags- he'd only text me late at night or wait very long periods at a time to get back to me or even a day in between each conversation. At the time I took it as okay he doesn't want to come across desperate or needy, I get it- play it cool. But then he started to text me late at night at 12:40am and 10:00pm on two separate nights. I was frustrated and thought yeah I'm not that kind of girl, so I told him to please contact me at a reasonable time. He then got offensive and said he had a life blah blah blah he goes to work and has volleyball, then I thought, well so what? I work as well you can text me during the day. I also remember him saying at the event he and another girl were making out and then he found out she had a boyfriend. That turned me off lol. Another thing is when I set boundaries in asking him to text me at a reasonable time he got defensive and said well I guess that's one of your pet peeves. Then I said well any respectable woman would like that. He then said I wasn't showing him any interest. How could I show a guy interest when he throws me breadcrumbs?? He takes a very long time to text and only texts me late at night.
Do you think I should drop this guy? He says he wants to go out but I can't respect a guy who doesn't value my boundaries or doesn't treat me right. If he has time to play "volleyball" he has time to message anyone at a reasonable hour. I got the vibe where it was all about him and he doesn't respect women. AM I wrong? He sounds like a player to me and just wants to get in my pants. I have set days where I can meet up with him and I feel like he dismisses anything I offer. I just met this guy lol he doesn't sound like a good guy to me. What are your thoughts? Where on earth can I meet serious classy guys? It's very rough out there and it isn't fun meeting guy after guy who doesn't respect women. (link)
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You are right to be annoyed that he's texting you late at night as has been asked to stop. A reasonable person would apologize and not do it again and or ask what a cut-off time would be for future if they were interested in you. Getting defensive about it isn't a normal reaction. This and the other incidents or red flags keep nagging at you because you know that he's mister wrong but need to affirm that your gut is spot on.
If someone genuinely likes you and aims to be with you as a partner they don't act like this guy. No matter what he's doing in his life if he is interested in you he will get back to you not days from when you texted but quite promptly and will always be courteous and nice not defensive. They wouldn't want you to see them as anything other than nice or a good choice and not this bad behavior or sudden display of anger to a reasoanble request.
Guys and girls for that matter make time for someone who is important to them no matter what. I think what has happened here and no fault of yours is that he's NOT interested and is using volleyball or whatever else excuse rather than saying the truth. It's the same thing about not contacting you or doing it out of the blue if at all.
He's not the right person and it's not your fault. Something better will come and a person who genuinely treats you right. That's so very important and what you deserve and will have. I think you have to really value who you are as well as other people which you do and someone will notice.
One of the biggest errors people make with dating is to not notice that the perfect partner may already be in their life or under their nose hoping that you will notice them. Don't exclude people like that as potential partners or anyone who may not look like your desired type. Always put a vibe out there that you're welcome to everyone who treats you well.
One thing you might want to try is to take a drama or improv class when COVID-19 allows. It doesn't have to be an expensive course either even parks & rec. Second City I heard is now doing it all online but with classmates and teacher who can see you.
You could become friends with these people because drama and improv force you to lose your inhabitions and insecurities real fast and work with people you wouldn't ordinarily think of befriending or have ability to approach if shy. You'll find people who share your interests and think like you that could blossom into something later but also make you a better communicator, improve your body language and help you make better connections. It breaks down barriers we place up and anxiety.
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Rating: 5
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Thank you- I have been trying to find more things to do during the virus and have been looking into drama at a nearby church.
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