So I have a tricky situation I will try to explain.
26/F
I am in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend is a great person but he does get insecure because I get a lot of attention from other men, including some "friends" that I've only ever seen as friends but that have crushes on me. Although he would never dare to ask me to cut off contact, I can tell he gets really down and sad when I hang out with these "friends" that always end up hitting on me because he is far away. Also, I personally feel uncomfortable putting myself in that kind of situation when my partner isn't there and a friend thinks its OK to flirt and try to get somewhere EVEN THOUGH THEY ALL KNOW I AM DATING SOMEONE.
So, I decided that for the guy friends that have shown me that they don't want to respect the fact that I'm in a relationship, I would take distance, at least for a time, to give myself peace of mind and my boyfriend too. However, I don't want to hurt the feelings of these friends so my question is:
How can I FIRMLY but POLITELY let them know that I do not want to see them because I am in a relationship and they cannot seem to respect that?
My dilemma is that none of them blatantly ask me out they just ask to hang out and then when we are in the social situation they will make advances. So I cant be honest and say its because they don't respect my relationship because they will take offence and deny it. These are more nuances and subtleties of flirting so they will deny the existence of it even though I can feel it.
For a more realistic example, one of these "friends" who I hung out with before and had tried to make advances, is always asking me to hang out and what my plans are and I'm always telling him I cant or I'm busy or mentioning my boyfriend. Nevertheless, he still writes and insists and asks me out he just doesn't seem to get the point. Just now he asked me what my plans for Friday night were and I want to FIRMLY and STRONGLY tell him I don't want to hang out with him so he gets the point but without being rude about it. How can I do this???
Thanks again for the help.
Say things like that you love your boyfriend very much and it makes you uncomfortable when other men make advances towards you. If you like the person as a friend, you can tell him, you're cool with being friends, but hanging out alone together is inappropriate and you will not do that to your boyfriend. Like you wouldn't like your boyfriend going out alone with another woman. You will not do that to him. Ask him, "You can respect that right? So please, stop asking. I like you as a friend and your advances make me uncomfortable." Also, talking about your boyfriend and how much you love him bla bla, so he hears it and reinforces the friend zone.
I think that is a lot nicer way of going about it, rather than just telling them you're not interested in them what-so-ever.
You could put on a ring and say its a promise ring or whatever to solidify the relationship in the eyes of others and discourage advances. When any guys try to make advances towards you, point at the ring.
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I actually DO have a ring he gave it to me before he left and it does help a lot for unwarranted attention. Thanks for the tips.
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