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Hello,
I'm 26 years old and I'm ready to have a baby. I have a master's degree in education and I have a great job. I'm financially stable right now. I own a house. I have the space, time, and resources to have a baby. I got my period when I was 9 years old. I don't know how long I'll be fertile enough to get pregnant. I'm ready to be a mom. But, I have some issues with relationships right now.
First of all, I have some issues with sex, overall. For the most part, I find sex to be very painful. It's not something I enjoy. I have been diagnosed with a condition called vaginismus, which means that my vagina pretty much rejects sex. It closes up when a penis is trying to enter. I find the idea of oral sex repulsive. I don't understand why anyone would want to stick someone else's genitals in their mouth. I don't mean to sound insulting to other people, as I know that pretty much everyone does it. But, I'm just trying to point out how disgusting I find it!
To be honest, I don't think anyone would want to marry me with these issues. Who would want to marry a girl who doesn't want to give them a blow job? I've thought about this for a while, and while I'm ready to give up the dream of getting married, I'm not ready to give up becoming a mom. It's what I've always wanted. But, without a partner to make babies with, I'm left with the option of adoption or a donor.
I am adopted. I'm very okay with adopting a child. But, it's extremely difficult, and as a single parent, it is even more difficult to adopt. It's actually nearly impossible. A lot of people think it's easy, but they are actually very misinformed. First of all, it costs a lot of money. My parents nearly paid $40,000 in legal fees to adopt me as an infant. As a single parent, that too would be a lot to pay in legal fees! Not to mention that single adopters are at the bottom of the waiting list. But, as an adoptee, I could relate to the child in ways that maybe other people could not. However, with the donor, I have some fears. I know that donors can father a maximum of 20 children or something like that. That's quite a bit of children. It seems like that would be traumatic for someone to know that they have 20 siblings out there and not know who they are. I know my biological family, so I don't have the issue of being afraid to marry someone I'm related to or something like that. It's a little different being adopted because even if you don't know who your siblings are, most people wouldn't assume they have 20.
My question is this. Have any of you used a donor? What is your experience like? How would you describe your child's feelings towards it?
Any information is helpful.
Thank you! Best!
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Never say never. While the condition manifests itself as physical in nature there is conflicting opinion medically that it may also be psychological too. There is a connection with people who have been sexually assaulted, experienced trauma, abuse in childhood or otherwise and even domestic violence.
Also, if you have always anticipated pain prior to the diagnosis with penetration I have read that plays a factor. But as you know there can be other reasons. I have read in Psychology Today that finding a therapist and working through any issues or approach to sexuality could help the condition.
I'm positive and know if it were me that no matter this problem that most guys would be with you because they loved you and not count a physical issue that you can't help against you.
There is a lot of ways to enjoy intimacy without vaginal intercourse with your partner. I'm not sure where you got the idea that oral sex is vile. It may not sound real appealing but if a person bathes and practices proper hygene your/his genitals are no less clean that other body parts.
Its okay if you have no desire to do this ever but by the same token if you are the recipient it may in fact be a release for you and way to experience sex in a positive way that will not cause pain. It's nothing to be fearful or disgusted about regardless decision but it's one way you could be sexual with a partner.
As for giving I can understand how you feel and it's okay if you want to do this and totally normal if not. There are condoms flavored or without spermicide on them that are available in novelty stores that may or may not change your stance.
Apart from adoption there is of course surrogacy. I would talk to your doctor about always wanting to be a parent but unable to have intercourse and ask him/her about options and ideas on how to make this a reality despite the obstacle. I would go from there as believe me there's many women and alot of patients of their's dealing with same issue. You might learn something helpful I hope.
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Rating: 5
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U apologize for the delayed response! Thank you so much for answering my question in a non-judgemental way. I really appreciate the time you took to read and answer. Your advice was very helpful!
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