Member Since: November 3, 2015
Answers: 80
Last Update: February 16, 2018
Visitors: 3832
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I'm 18/f.
My ex broke up with me exactly a year and 5 months ago, (wow) August 30th, 2014 and I think i'm pretty much still yearning for him although i don't want a relationship with him. It's just sexual and I know its a bad idea but it's all I wanted. Now i just want to lose my virginity to eliminate that 10% of want i still have for him. But there is a problem with this.
The friend that I have in mind has had sex with at least 8 other girls. There is a girl who lives close to where his father lives that he goes to see (pretty rarely actually), and he just received a blowjob for the first time from another friend of mine about 2 weeks ago that he used to have a crush on (but that might end anyway, she said to me that she is "already bored" lol). At the same time he and I might become friends with benefits. Even though if I start to have sex with him I would be the most frequent (and most exciting) one, that's 3 girls he's going to be having sexual contact with at least occasionally, and that's a possible STD or STI I might get. I don't want that complication, but I really don't think i can afford to wait any longer, I might go crazy.
I'm still thinking about sex with my ex and its driving me crazy. I can't just look for someone else because no one will match what I'm looking for, then on top of that I want to be sexually compatible with the guy. That will take too much effort.
I don't want to want my ex at all. I don't want to want anything to do with him but a part of me still doesn't know what dignity is. So I want to kill that part of me. I know that my friend and I are sexually compatible enough, and he likes my body and I like his body but we would never date each other (he has even told me he makes a horrible boyfriend, and i know exactly what he's talking about), SO IT'S PERFECT because I don't want any of my relationships to start off as just sex anyway. It would just be a mistake.
This friend was the one that I went to on the occasions when I was missing my ex really bad. He's a good listener, and I appreciate that, this is how i know he is totally worthy of having a girl like ME lose her virginity to him. He has been so patient and kind to me. I'm even starting to fantasize about him. This is a huge, really big sign because for the whole time I had feelings for my ex, I had dreams and fantasized about him and only him (we're talking, over 2 years of me being completely sexually focused on him, yes including the 4 months of me just admiring him and the 2 months of actual talking) and I'm finally done. Now I'm just waiting until I start having dreams about my friend for more encouragement that I'm really done. I'm excited and scared and preoccupied with birth control and I need to talk to him about getting tested, etc. Being a virgin is so annoying...
So, my question is: Would this be a mistake? I am 100% sure I'm ready to lose my virginity, but I'm not sure if this will solve my problem. It's really a priority in my life. I don't want to be in love with my first love forever, like they say. Not even a little bit. No, thank you
Thank you for reading and being in my brain for a little bit. I appreciate it and I hope you have a great day because they all are :) (link)
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I'm not quite sure if this is the best solution.
Only you can answer this but let me see if I can help in some way.
If you have feelings for your ex... It's not garunteed that sleeping with someone else will erase those feelings. It's going to preoccupy your mind some so it may help with some of your daily thoughts and feelings but if you don't deal with them having sex with someone else is going to be a temporary distraction.
I understand that you are eager to move on but the only way to move on is to deal with these feelings. If you need to scream , cry, shred photos feel free. If you need to obsess in your mind do that too. Things will get easier and time will help heal.
It's also quite possible you will always have something there which is totally normal.
Once you love someone it takes a long time for it to go away.
Back to this friend ... while he may be a good friend and he may seem worthy of your virginity , you never really know until it's done. Sex makes people act weird sometimes and especially if it's with a friend it may be even more strange. It may seem like the right thing but when it's all said and done it could ruin a friendship.
So here are some things to think about before making your decision.
Is it worth it if you still end up having feelings for your ex?
Is it worth it if you ruin a friendship?
If you are ok with the possibilities then you have your answer .
If you are not then you should wait until you start having feelings for someone else.
It's a better connection that way and you want your first time to be memorable in a good way if you can help it.
Good luck with your decision!
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