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Q: 19/m
I want to become a better person. Someone that isn't so hard on themselves, people always tell me that I am very hard on myself. I think I am too, well lately I have been agreeing with what others told me. During high school I was always down in the dumps, I would have some days I would be happy but most days I was neutral that would lead to being down. Now that I started college (3 weeks in) I have been feeling a bit better but I still feel down during the day. I try to cheer myself up but I don't know how.
I want to become a better person. I want to become a role model, someone that is always happy, well not necessarily always happy but someone is more happy than I am now. I was feel negative. I feel out of place with other people, like I don't fit in. I am always quiet around people in groups, I'm the person never really included in the group, the kid that you see walking behind a group of people. If that makes sense. I wanna just become a better person. I want to change my life and become just a new person. I don't really know how to become someone that is positive, and can make the best out of a situation. I always am in situations that I get down about. Like currently I have a health issue that has not been able to go away for a few years. The doctors don't seem to be able to help me with it but it doesn't really hinder me in any ways except my self esteem and what I think of myself. The health issue is similar to Angular Chilitis except it isn't that because none of the medicines i have been prescribed help it so I think the doctors are not treating it right but that is another issue... I just want to be able to look in the mirror and say I am a good person, look at any situation in my life and still be positive, hence the health issue example, I know I should be super happy I can still participate in all day activities because my health is good besides that, hopefully makes sense.
Also I want to be a better person because I hate thinking about what other people have done to me, and I can't get over it. Example would be my recent ex girlfriend. She got back with me but she played me as a rebound waiting for her ex. I know I shouldn't be hung up about what she did to me but it bothers me. Some days I want to just text her telling her bad stuff but I know it isn't right so I don't do it. I juust want to be able to climb over the barrier of what people have done to me, no matter what they did. She isn't the first girl to have done something like that and I know time takes it away but I want to start to put things into my own hands.
Sorry for the wall text, especially if this makes no sense. I don't know how to put what I feel/think into words for you guys to help me, I did my best though.
any help would be appreciated. thank you :)
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When I was in high school, it was a nightmare for me, college did brig better times. That being the case, along with other specific aspects of your situation, I can assure you that I can relate.
For some of us, for any number of possible reasons, we do tend to be hard on ourselves. This can be especially problematic when we internalize our feelings and when it hinders us from connecting with others.
I think there is something we need to distinguish first here, you're struggles in no way suggest that you are a bad person and thus it's not so much that you are looking to be a better person but to experience life much richly and fully.
It's not possible for any person to always be happy. But, it is possible to not let sadness linger and to in some cases turn it into a positive in some way or another.
My suggestions, based on personal experiences quite similar to those you describe, would be the following steps:
1. Having moved into college is a transitional time in your life. Take that opportunity to make a personal transition into the person you want to be.
2. Seek out a professional therapist or counselor. They are out there for a reason after all, to help people like you.
3. Study up on the idea of cognitive distortions. A great source that I recommend is the book "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns.
4. Join offline groups, like perhaps through Meetup.com or online forums to meet people going through a similar situation. Trust me, there are a lot of them.
5. You may want to even practice meditation or self hypnosis. They might sound a bit silly but if these things didn't have benefits, people wouldn't have kept doing them for thousands of years.
Above all, try to remind yourself that you are a person, just like anyone else, and deserving of respect, even from yourself.
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Thank you I will try this out and let you know how it goes!
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Info
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Member Since: September 29, 2013 Answers: 200 Last Update: December 6, 2015 Visitors: 9850
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