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I truly feel for you and the struggle you are going through. Please know that a lot of people are probably in the same boat as you but a lot have surely successfully overcome it as well.
I actually think you did the right think by coming to this site in that you started on a series of steps to get you to the point you want to reach. For example, you say you get nervous when you want to tell someone. Well guess what, you already did! You told me and anyone else on this site willing to listen. That's progress.
Maybe a few conversations on here or perhaps support forums online can lead you to a next step in confiding in a parent, sibling or friend. After that, and what you will ultimately want to do, is reach out to a therapist or mental health professional. There is no shame in it and they really can help.
Good luck.
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