I am too old and out of shape to beat around the bush so I'll give it to you straight. If you want sugarcoating go to the candy store, you won't find it here. Sometimes a little good old fashioned honesty is just what the doctor ordered!
Gender: Female
Location: PA
Member Since: August 19, 2012
Answers: 317
Last Update: June 14, 2018
Visitors: 18576
Main Categories:
Love Life
Abusive Relationships
Home Decorating
View All
|
| |
A long time ago I was hurt very badly by someone who cheated on me. It took me a decade to recover from this and unfortunately it involved substance abuse (some illegal, some not) and a near death experience as a result. I also had to get tested for various STDs which was also very unpleasant and stressful.
I have moved on, and have found myself with a new man who I am very happy with. We live quite far apart which means that currently we only see each other at weekends and this doesn't allow our relationship to grow. A few weeks ago we discussed it and decided to move in together. During this discussion, one of the (many) reasons he gave for living together was that we only get to have physical relations on the weekends which is frustrating for both of us, and if it continued the way it is he would have to start to consider local options.
This has had a HORRIBLE effect on me. On the one hand I know we are solid as we both want to progress and moving in together is a massive step in the right direction. On the other hand, now all I can think about is that he is considering cheating on me, or has entertained the idea. So every time he mentions another woman he is spending time with (he sees a fair number of women on their own as part of his studies) my alarm bells start ringing. I hate that this has made me so stressed and I don't want to turn into "that" girlfriend who is always worried about who her man is seeing. Until that comment was made I was very confident and happy with our relationship and now I am just an insecure, emotional wreck!
What do I do? I don't want to lose him but I feel like my jealousy will drive him away if I don't get it under control. In my heart I know he won't do anything stupid (and if he does he will respect me enough to break it off before too much damage is caused) but I can't stop obsessing about it. I definitely don't want him to stop seeing these other women because this is something I need to change, not him.
I have spoken to him about it and he knows why I am stressing. He is being patient but I don't want this to become a bigger problem and would like to sort it out ASAP. Any thoughts? (link)
| |
Yeah I have a thought alright and you are not going to like hearing it! This man is using emotional blackmail to get you do what he wants which is to give him a place to live and more sex! By giving him what he wants out of fear you have now established a pattern that he knows will work in any situation. I know you love him but this is NOT going to end well! Again I hate to be blunt, but this man does NOT care for you. Honey, someone who really loves you would never threaten you with cheating! No dear really, it's NOT you it's HIM! Please take my advice,and drop him like a lead balloon! Yes it will hurt for a while but I promise it will save you a thousand times more pain in the long run. It will also teach him the lesson he deserves for ever attempting to treat a woman that way. He may think he is God's gift but that boy is nothing but an empty box!
|
|
Rating: 4
| |
Thank you for this perspective; it is my automatic response and one I am fighting against at the moment! But I take your comments on board x
|
|