Hi, I call myself Ignatz after Dan Herriman's character in the old "Krazy Kat" comic strip. I'm 44, father of 3, husband to one, crazy about music and books and food and movies and history and martial arts. I've had some wild and crazy times in my life, and I figure I might as well put in some of my perspective.
I promise not to talk down to anyone or make fun,and I promise not to BS anyone. If you're old enough to ask a frank question, you're old enough to get a frank answer. Oh, and if you ask me a question directly, please be patient. I'll get back to you as soon as I can. My life's a bit hectic. :-)
Gender: Male
Location: St. Louis, MO
Occupation: Professional dad
Age: 44
Member Since: October 29, 2007
Answers: 328
Last Update: January 23, 2015
Visitors: 35626
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My husband is in the military and after 13 years he is separating due to medical reasons. He wants to move back to our hometown to be near both of our families, primarily his mother and aunt. Well, I am hesitate. I didn't have the best childhood due to both of my parents being alcoholics. They both still drink heavily and can get violent and emotional when doing so. My oldest brother still lives in the area and drinks excessively as well. To top it off, my sister-in-law and her husband live about an hour away and love to drink and party and are somewhat open swingers. Their sexually active 15 year old daughter is free to do as she pleases and their 12 year old son is often left on his own. While I respect my husband for wanting to be near his mother and his disabled aunt, I am having a hard time dealing with the fact of being near the rest of our family. While it would be nice to be near family, this is not the situation I have envisioned. I don't want our children thinking drinking excessively and having multiple partners is okay. Should I accept the fact we are moving back and deal with the situation as it comes or continue trying to talk my husband into moving somewhere else? (link)
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From what you're telling me, you've got a pretty toxic situation. Have you talked with your husband about your concerns?
It would be one thing if your husband were the sole support for his mother and aunt. How much does his sister do for them? Is she completely unreliable, or can she be counted on to step in when they need something? Do his mother and aunt have a support structure (friends, neighbors, etc.)? Is it essential to their well-being that your family move to where they are?
Ultimately, your kids should be the primary concern. If you don't want them around violent alcoholics and irresponsible polyamorists, then either don't move there at all or else cut out those members of the family. You are entirely justified in denying them access to your home and your kids. The fact that they are related to you does not give them the right to make you or your kids feel unsafe.
Hope this helps.
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Rating: 5
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I can't thank you enough. Sometimes when someone asks you a question about your question, it helps you clarify things which is what happened here. Thanks again!
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