I feel more pathetic and useless than I can tell you and I feel like the only thing I'm talented at is screwing up. I'm almost 25 years old and I live with my parents, I dropped out of college, I suck at my career, I screw up SO many things that I try including school, relationships, jobs, ect.. I suck as a person, a friend, a girlfriend, a sister, and sometimes a daughter and I don't feel pretty, skinny, smart, responsible, or talented enough for most people. I am going to do my best to get another job so that I can buy a car. I haven't had a car in two years because I'm too stupid and too much of a loser to have the money for one. I have had a terrible year because of scares with my health and the health of some loved ones. Everything has turned out fine, but a couple weeks ago, I had one stessful day after another and when I thought it was over, I was there when someone I love was injured and that night, I had an anxiety attack. I thought I was having a heart attack. I don't have the money for a counselor, so I tried online counseling, but the only counselor who bothered to email me back told me that I have a twisted way of looking at life and didn't help me. What can I do to get help?
Dear WORTHY,
I can completely relate to the way you feel. I’m 22, still a freshman in a junior college struggling to make it through, still at home with my mom and dad, my aunt and dad had major spinal surgeries and are both addicted to pain meds. My parents business is failing, and my boyfriend of two years dumped because he said I am too insecure and jealous and he just didn’t love me. I’ve been lied to beaten and abused in many different ways, and I hurt when my family hurts. Within three years I lost my grandpa, and both grandmothers, and even had animals pass away. Everything seemed to be falling apart around me and I felt depressed for a long time. The reason I’m telling you all of this is because I want you to know that you are not alone. Everyone at some point in time feels like a failure. Whether they show it or not humans are humans, we all feel lost, scared, sad, angry, and every other feeling out there. If you can’t afford a counselor the best thing you could do is help yourself. I had to learn that no one was going to pick me up and dust me off and kiss all my “boo-boos” away. Start by just taking a very deep breath. When you wake up in the morning try to tell yourself one thing you are thankful for. Even if you are thankful for just breathing, say it to yourself. If you are thankful for the ability to see mountains where you live, the ocean, an animal, or even just see grass. Thankful for the ability to hear, whether it be to hear music that gives you a nice feeling or the sound of birds or just hearing the wind blow, find the tiniest little thing you can think of and just say “hey I’m glad I can experience that.” You may not feel like a good daughter, sister, friend or whatever but if you’d like to change that maybe just go to just one of those people and give them a hug and say “thank you for being in my life.” Look at yourself in the mirror and find ONE nice thing about yourself, even if you don’t mean it at first, say it anyway. Even if it’s just saying “I like my eyelashes.” Be kind to yourself, its okay to hurt, cry, and feel scared, angry, or frustrated. If you start to feel angry, let yourself feel it, don’t beat yourself up even more saying “I shouldn’t be feeling angry I’m so (insert negative thing here).” Give yourself a break. You’re only human and no matter what you look like or what you’ve done in the past or where you feel you are at in the present, you are beautiful and worthy of a happy life. You just have to believe that, sweetie. No one can do it for you, you could be given the nicest advice in the world, but you control the decisions you make. I know it’s hard, but I promised you are not alone. Never lose hope, maybe try to research different religions and see if that helps, whether it is Christianity, Buddhism, Paganism, Judaism, which ever. Go for a walk, a swim, or a bike ride. Volunteer at an old folk’s home and visit elderly who don’t have anyone come to visit them. Adopt a soldier and send some of the soldiers in Afghanistan letters and care packages that some of those men and women don’t get over there. Go visit St. Jude’s and donate some stuffed animals to the kids or something. Just do things to explore what makes you happy, you don’t need money to do a lot of those things. I’ve learned that even when we don’t think it, someone out there does care about us. I don’t know you and I care about you. I want you to have a happy life; I don’t need to “know” you to want that for you. I hope this doesn’t make you angry or feel worse. Just know someone cares.
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Hello, I'm sorry it took so long to get back to you, but it's taken some time just to put my feelings about your great advice into words. Thank you so very much for your wonderful advice and I'm so lucky that you saw this question and answered it for me. I don't know of anybody who could have done a better job. I appreciate you letting me know that I'm not alone, but I am extremely sorry for the problems you've had in your life. I pray that everything works out because you deserve it so much. Your a very big hearted person for caring about people the way you do and I can tell your very intelligent and talented at knowing exactly what to say. Your advice for me to wake up in the morning and name something that I am grateful for is wonderful and I do have things that I feel I take for granted and need to take time to appreciate them. God has really blessed me with some wonderful things in my life, including amazing people who I love very much, and I will certainly be sure to acknowledge that every day from now on. I will remember how grateful I am for you too everyday. I really can't express how much your advice means to me and I just hope that anyone else in my situation will have someone as great as you to help them. God bless you.
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