Imperfectionist's advice column

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Q: Hey 18(almost 19/f) So I have been with my boyfriend just short of three years. I love him more than I have loved anyobe else in my life. I truly believe we have a long future together. However there's just one problem,sex. I lost my virginity to him when I was almost 17.(he was a virgin too) It was extremely awkward and just didnt go to plan. After that we tried a few more times but with the same result. I put it down to not being ready so we put it off for another while. We never really have sex just mess around but when we try its just painfully disappointing. It doesnt feel like anything to me?!No pain or pleasure I just feel a weird feeling in.my tummy. I can't orgasm from fingering either just from him rubbing my clit. I don't think I come either once or twice I think but usually not. Whats wrong with me?I am relaxed before sex and we do spend time on foreplay. Also when we try his oenis keeps like slipping out? Ive tried to be paitient because he is just as inexperienced as me but its soo frustrating. Also when he comes he just goes soft straight away and cant get hard again. is this normal?I have heard of people having sex multiple times a night but he says it doesnt work like that?can anyone help me im at the point where I think il just give up on sex and i dont want that! were strong enough not to let this effect us and we play around a lot but i want a decent sex life! any advice appreciated please only answer if you are experienced. Thank you

Okay, so there is alot to address on this such as orgasming for you in general. Are you into masturbation? If you have never tried it, try it. It's one of the most effect ways to see what you actually like specifically finger and positioning of the penis. I, myself, am not a big fan of it. But than again I really only recommend this for people trying to figure out what they like and how they like it. It's especially effect if you are able to get yourself to orgasm, which you may not if it's your first time masturbating and you're not really sure.
and even try oral. if you haven't. let him perform oral on you, maybe even have him mix a bit of oral and some fingering at the same time.
Also try some different positions. I recommend Kama Sutra. I mean everyone makes little jokes about it but believe me some of the positions in there are just well.. heavenly. and will send you down orgasm road.
The slipping out might mean he might be a little less packaged than others but good positioning can not make that a factor. or even the condoms are too lubey so try different kind of condoms and if you are using lube don't.
errr. and as for the going straight soft after... never had that issue with a guy before but it sounds like your guy just needs a break or something. and it's probably also a part of him being inexpierenced.
but anyway just keep practicing, as wierd as this sounds sex is just like an exercise.
Practice makes PERFECT.

Rating: 5

Thanks,Yeah I masturbate a lot and can make myself orgasm but it's only really from clitoral stimulation. And he never tries oral on me..Only did like once or twice..I get the feeling he probably doesn't like it which makes me feel really awkward like there's something wrong or whatever. He isn't small in that area at all he's like average size. (my previous boyfriend who I didn't have sex with was waay smaller) So idk. But good advice and i'l take it on board thanks again!

bio

Hi, thanks for coming to my column.

The name is Diamond but Dia is fine.

20, female, jersey girl at heart. mixed race taurus natured woman.

So...the reason I made this was during the start of my senior year of high school I had reached a point in my life where I didn't want to live anymore. I was tired of fighting and didn't see the reasons to fight. It was a random stranger that made me realize I would be stupid to take my life and to stop fighting.

So if you think I'm going to tell you life gets easier, I'm not. Let's face it, it doesn't get easier. Through pain you get stronger and learn to open your eyes to those things that give you strength to live.

Mine happen to be music, writing, dr. pepper, anime, the color black, the way rain sounds, and an amazing boyfriend. What gives you strength to live?