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Q: 20/M
My whole life I've been very sheltered. I have very few friends and I'm not that close to my family. I had 4 girlfriends before I was 18. The longest relationship I had lasted almost a year. I've been single for 2 years now.
I'm a virgin, even though I'm great at pleasuring girls sexually in all other ways.
I've been told a lot that I'm quite attractive, with an athletic body. My family is very wealthy, and I have plenty of money. I have a genius IQ and am going to a university (still living at home) and studying in cognitive neurochemistry and biotechnology. I have traveled the world, and have great social skills, and can make people laugh really easily. But I just don't have any close friends. The friends I do have are all nerdy guys who have never touched women.
I don't really have any friends at college. I tried online dating, but it made me kinda feel like a loser because I cant find a girl in real life to be with, plus meeting in person for the first time might be awkward. The women I go out with have all been emotionally abusive as well, which makes me even more reluctant to really try to get into a relationship because I feel like I'm just going to be treated like I'm worthless for the 10th time.
I just don't know how or where to meet people to be honest. Would you consider online dating to be kind of pathetic? I don't like parties, not that I know enough people to be invited to them. I'm too young to go to bars. And I'm not interested in any school or community clubs.
People always tell me "just go out and meet people go to parties and stuff lol", but I'm just not built that way. Is there something wrong with me? All the girlfriends I have had I met in high school or driving school. Now that I'm not around girls that often, I have no chance of getting a girlfriend, never mind a good one.
What do I do? The only time I really feel happy and satisfied is when I have been in relationships, even bad ones. I'm happy with myself, I just hate being so alone all the time.
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Oh, Hi! I am single and 19 ;)
Kidding, kidding. :)
All right. One thing I have learnt over the years is the importance of breaking out of your comfort zone, regularly. And realized that the fear and inner resistance becomes smaller and smaller, when you are regular at it.
I would suggest that you break out of your comfort zone as soon as possible. You will experience and learn new things, and it will bring to you happiness, confidence, and satisfaction, and something you so badly want, your girl.
Now, you think you are young to go to a bar.
You don't want to go to a
party.
You say no to community clubs.
Face it: You don't want to step out of your comfort zone.
Trust me, it will bring you no good. YOU have the power to change it, so do it! It will not only help you get over your social anxiety but it is crucial for your growth too.
1. Do you fear going to a pub? Then do it! Take that first step. No, my friend, 20 is not young. You are not 'young' but a young adult. The reason you dont wanna go there is because you fear being uncomfortable, and socially awkward. Find a friend who would accompany you, and just go! You might just meet a girl who would be interested in knowing you.
2. What would do you like to do? Reading? Music? Gym? Sports? Any hobby? If yes, then go join the online forum or club. But I suggest you join real clubs, because only then you will find people who have common interests FOR real. YES, you got to take small steps towards breaking out from that comfort zone, it is essential and the best way you will find that girl. Usually online dating doesn't work out and from experience I say, you find fake people and high chances that you will be mistaken about them. No, it is not pathetic, but it definitely is not the best way out.
3. So, you go to study at a university? why not interact with people more? High chances you will find your girl there itself! It will also help you gain more self esteem and inner satisfaction.
4. Why so insecure?
'The only time I really feel happy and satisfied is when I have been in relationships, even bad ones.'
You don't wanna go out to places 'looking for' a girl. This will make you feel low in terms of self esteem. Come on, you have to first feel secure about yourself and not be someone who 'needs' a girl.
You are attractive. Genius IQ. You are a wonderful person, so stop being insecure to that extent that you even like bad relationships.
I am single and happy. I don't 'need' someone for company. But I know when I find the right guy and feel good about it, I would go for it.
Essentially you NEED to step out of your comfort zone, unless you want your life to be stagnant and the same. For that change, GO OUT, try something unusual and overcome your fears.
Wish you the best. Hope it helped a bit. :)
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thanks a lot. I guess I'm gonna have to try sooner or later. why not sooner :)
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Info
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Gender: Female Occupation: Student Age: 19 Member Since: December 22, 2011 Answers: 21 Last Update: July 23, 2013 Visitors: 2155
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