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24/f, my boyfriend is 23/m.
Please don't think I'm ungrateful, it's just that I'm... not used to being treated well, or being appreciated.

I've been in two abusive relationships, one right after the other. My last ex liked to buy me things out of the blue, but somehow always held it against me (e.g. "I got you [blank] and you didn't [blank]! How could you be so ungrateful?"). The guy before him never gave me anything without getting or wanting something in return.

My current boyfriend is beyond wonderful. He somehow treats me like a princess and an equal; we don't play mind games with one another, and I really trust him, which is surprising, given my history. He loves to get me little things to make me smile. For instance, he picked up on me feeling kinda down one day, so he showed up after work with a stuffed animal, saying he thought I could use a fuzzy pick-me-up. I know, "why the heck would anyone complain about that?" But that's part of my confusion...
I feel so... strange about taking presents from him. He talks about all these things he wants to give me, and it's sweet, but it's not practical.

It also frustrates me a little, because while he's living with his parents, working part time, and able to spend his money however he likes, I'm living on my own; I have a cat to take care of, I'm working full time, have medical problems, and can barely pay my own bills. There's so much I want to do for him; so much I want to give him, but I can't. He understands perfectly, so far, but I guess I'm a little afraid he'll start holding it against me, or something.

I haven't mentioned any of this to him yet... I'm not really sure if I should, or how to do so.

What should I do about this? Should I even do/say anything? Or is it time for me to shut up and enjoy a healthy, happy relationship? Is this part of a healthy relationship? After my ridiculous past and boyfriends from hell, I'm not sure I know anymore.

Help a girl out? :)

You really need to talk to him about this. It's totally understandable for you to feel uncomfortable receiving gifts, especially since your exes only did it to have good deeds to lord over you when they wanted something. Just sit down with him and tell him a little about your exes and how they used gifts to guilt you into doing things, and how even though you know he's better than that, you can't leave the worry behind. From what you've said of him, it sounds like he would totally understand. And even if it confuses him a little, letting him know is hardly going to destroy your relationship.

I'm sure you can find a compromise between his habit of gifting you and your discomfort. Would it help if he gave you things with no monetary value, like a sweet letter or flowers he picked himself? That may sound dorky, but they're just examples.

Anyway, talk to him about it. Talking about things that bother you and flaws in the relationship are part of what makes a "healthy, happy relationship". Keeping quiet when you're unhappy/uncomfortable with something is one of the things that destroys good relationships. Maybe your exes didn't care to hear it, but you've clearly stated that those were not healthy relationships. It's probably really daunting to think about discussing this with him, but it is important, both to help you heal from your last relationships and to make sure he knows how you feel.

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(Rating: 5) You're right. We've even promised each other we'd speak up if something was wrong. Holding back, even with something as small as this, is no good. Thank you for your advice. :)
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