hoji's advice column

askhoji

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: I've never had a real best friend untill now, I've been best friends with my friend Tiffany for about 3 years and we're like sister's. For some reason I get jeloues and depressed because she hangs out with other people and doesn't invite me. But when I do that she gets mad that I ditched her or whatever.
I had a group a friends a few years ago, and they pushed me away because of what I was going threw, Now I guess I feel like she's going to do that to me. It's always in the back of my mind whenever she hangs out with other people. I can't help it either. I shut down sometimes because I get so sad about it, scared almost. What should I do? I told her how I felt already and she said she understands but she doesn't know what to do about it. There isn't much she can do though, I mean this is my fault right?

Start being more positive and become your own best friend first, this is REALLY big.

Try leading a more active lifestyle and do thing that interest you... broaden your horizons.

Meet more people and chose friends out of these. It will be easier with a active lifestyle and being able to talk about interesting topics and people like positive attitudes that lifts them out of their own depressions.

I could have your whole situation wrong but I can only identify with you from my own experience.

I went through a simular situation, after which I also clinged to one friend and also felt neglected whenever he would go do something else with other people. Thats not healthy, it's needy.

Get to know yourself, accept your strong and weak points, take responsability for your life then one by one work on the points you don't like and would like to change.

I have only truly been able to become my own best friend in the last three or so years, and now I am able to much better handle rejection of all sorts.

The sad part is that I'm 31 now, that means that where other people have been able to grow socially, make more and more real friends by sifting through all the people they have met, at the same time developing a social sense, I have not, and am only now learning those lessons.

Where that may come across as very negative statement, I try not compare myself with other people anymore, I do try compare myself to myself a year back, thats always very positive, and I don't beat myself up about things in my life (too much).
The point is that the sooner you start working on yourself the sooner you will see results and have a longer happier life.

It is hard work, and every step I have taken has proven worth the trouble... there are set-backs, no doubt. I'm not going to jump on my soap box and tell you, I am there. I'll just tell you what I have found to help me so far.

Do yourself a favour and google those first 3 points I made, read up on it for yourself. The first two points go hand in hand, the third point kinda flows out of them.

My Best to you.