I'm Em.
I'm a 20 year old English/History student living in Sydney.
I dig art, music and books.
I'll take questions on relationships, friendships, high school, uni, or whatever else.
I try to give the best advice I can, usually drawing on my own personal experience. But I'm not perfect, and sometimes when I look back on some of my advice it's far from it (especially when I was 15 and writing LiKe THiS). It's just advice, though. It's not an answer or a solution, it's simply a potentially helpful perspective. And that's all I can offer you.
Photo:
Yayoi Kusama
"Infinity Mirror Room"
Performance art.
Mirrors, soft sculptures.
Castellane Gallery, New York.
1965.
Gender: Female
Location: Sydney, Australia.
Member Since: January 11, 2007
Answers: 391
Last Update: May 22, 2014
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I was with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we've been through alot and I put up with so much. He is 3 weeks clean from pills and pot. We've done a long distance relationship for the past year and I love him so it didnt bug me so much. Now that I'm home for summer, I was hoping we would just enjoy our time either together but I'm realizing he's no good for me and none of my friends or family like him because I'm so sad and unsure all the time. He would constantly break up with me and then come back saying how much he loved me and blah blah blah.He would break up with me cause he didnt think he was good enough for me at the moment and he used to say how he really wanted to find me in the future cause he wants to marry me. But enough is enough and as the days go by that I dont hear from him, I realize I'm not one of his priorities and if he really wanted a relationship he would try harder to make it work. I know I cant be with him but im so sad :( I just want him to come back, but weve been off and on for so long that I know it will just go right back to this. The thing is he has no idea we are done, like he slept over on saturday and then we talked briefly through text amd then he ignored me and I haven't talked to him since. I really want him to miss me amd really hope he realizes how good I was,to him :( any advice on how I can make him miss me and not jyst move on quickly? I really would love for him to not get with anyone amd come back to me in like 3 months and appreciate me more. Do you guys think this will happen? My friends say if I walk away and pretend I'm fine, he'll try to get me back like hes done before. (link)
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When you're with someone, they should feel like they have something so amazing. They should feel like they need to earn your love and having you around. Not with gifts or anything like that, but with attention, affection, kindness, selflessness, and effort. You are so right when you said if he really wanted a relationship he would try harder to make it work. If a guy feels like he's not good enough for you, he should work so damn hard to feel like he is because he should know that what he has is so worth the time and effort.
Every breakup is hard, every single one. Sometimes a certain breakup is harder than another. I'm not sure if this is what you feel, but when I was with boyfriends that had problems (drugs, family, abuse...), I felt like I was really special and important to him because I was something good in all of that darkness. Being with someone who had a deeply rooted problem made me work harder in the relationship and it made me feel like the relationship was so much deeper and more complex than any that I'd had before, because before I never would have gone through all of this for someone else. And when that person did something to hurt me, or threw me out of their life so easily, or was selfishly hurting me without understanding or caring, it felt like daggers. And I'm ashamed to say that I did stick around even when they were hurting me, and I did try everything to get them back.
It's so strange how someone who can make you feel so sad and can be so hurtful to you can make you want them so much. But please don't go back to him. Don't let him stay over, don't reply to him, cut off all communication with him. It's hard, and it will get harder. You'll want him to want you, you'll want him to beg for you to take him back, but he won't be different. If he moves on quickly, let him. It will hurt horribly, but you'll find someone so much better for you that will make you forget about him completely. As I said, it will be hard, and it will get harder as the weeks go by without communication, but eventually that empty, dark, painful feeling will start to go away. And in time, you'll find a new happiness.
You're so wonderful, and you deserve someone better than that.
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Rating: 5
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Honestly the best advice ive gotten yet because it helps to know someone else has felt this pain, I finally heard from him shortly after I posted this and ended it. Still havent heard from him since so I doubt he'll be back this time:( anyways I guess its for the best. Thank you so much
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