About AskAngel
I am a minister and spiritual councilor through ULC. I have always loved reading Dear Abby and Dear Dotty (before she left Weekly World News) and have always wanted to be an advice columnist. I have a passion for helping people and have been giving advice to people since I was a teen and am excited to finally have my own column. The advice I give is across the board and some subject may be a little taboo, but I go wherever my hearts leads me and to people I feel I can help. I hope you enjoy the column. Don't forget to follow me as the column updates regularly.
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Member Since: February 20, 2011
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Last Update: April 18, 2011
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Age: 20
Female
I need advice concerning my boyfriend. We've been together for nearly 5 years now. He has been depressed since he was a child, and he still remains depressed. He loves me very much and he treats me very well. Its not that I want to leave him because of any abuse. I want to leave him because I feel like he doesn't even want to live life. He plays video games all day everyday as a release from reality. Everytime we get in a fight he tells me, "if it weren't for you I'd be dead. I will kill myself because I make you so unhappy. I don't deserve you."
I care about him and I love him but I feel like there is so much more to life than I have. He wants me to marry him but I don't want to because I feel like I would always be longing for a better relationship. He doesn't work, or go to college so I feel like our future would be unsteady.
There is also someone else I've become very interested in. I can't get him off my mind. I feel like my thoughts are betraying to my boyfriend which creates my heavy conscious.
So what should I do? Thank you for your response. I feel irrevocably trapped.. I can't keep this up.
He is emotionally manipulating you and guilt tripping you into staying in a relationship that you are no longer happy in for his own personal gain.This is a form of abuse emotional abuse. Your boyfriend needs help that only a professional can give him. He has had this problem before you came and he will have this problem after you leave. By allowing him to continue this behavior you are basically telling him that what he is doing is ok which encourages him to continue the cycle of abuse.
The first step you will have to take is to accept that fact that you can't change him, you can only change yourself. Accept that this isn't the type of relationship you want for yourself or future children and the hardest part, that you are NOT responsible for what he chooses to do. When you decide to no longer take responsibility for his negative behavior, this will take a huge weight off of your shoulder. If he begins to act out and threatens to commit suicide, call 911 and leave at that.
Once you let go of the emotional aspect, you will be able to a clearer perception on what you need to do for yourself. You live with his mother and to be able to completley move on with your life without getting hooked back into the relationship, you will have to move out. This may take some time and some compromising on your part. If you have to move into a house that is less desirable, but not placing you in harm's way, then make the compromise. By going to school and working, you will have little time there anyway's while giving you an opportunity to save some money for another place to live. It's not going to be easy to make changes, however, it will be the first steps to a happier future for yourself and that is who your priority needs to be on right now. I wish you the best of luck.
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Thank you very much for the insight. :)
I'm so mentally weak it sounds like it would be so difficult to do that to him but Im going to consider it.
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