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November 23, 2007Answers:
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This is pretty long if I go in detail so I will try to sum it up for you. I am 21 years old and my boyfriend is 22. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and a half now. We rarely fight and if we do they are for legitimate reasons. But one thing that has bugged me since we started dating was his lack of showing me he loves me. I am not materialistic and I don't expect to be bought things all the time and wined and dined. But I do expect him to show some love on days like my birthday or Valentines Day, and our One Year Anniversary. My birthday we had been dating four months and he got me nothing and even threw a tantrum saying he was tired when we went out to celebrate my 21st when it was only 11 PM and we had been out for one hour. So we left and went home, which deep down upset me because it was MY birthday! Then Valentines Day came around and he told me 3 days before it that we shouldn't get eachother anything because he thinks Valentine's Day is overrated. Our one year anniversary we did absolutely nothing! He said he was broke and we would do something another time, but it has been 3 months since that and everytime I bring it up nicely he just blows it off and says sometime we will. I have been in several long relationships before him lasting 2 to 3 years each and all of those have been the same way. I always see other guys in relationships with their girlfriends taking cute pictures, celebrating anniversaries, and being taken out or even having their men cook for them on their birthdays. I don't want to be whiny and sound materialistic, but I feel like when I cook for him EVERYDAY and do his laundry, clean up his messes, and always do something special for him even on days that aren't his birthday or a holiday, that I should get something back in return! It's VERY frustrating and it is started to make me pull away from him. I don't want to TELL him what I want because then it doesn't feel special, but even if I hint towards it he just blows it off and acts like it is not important. Is he just not the right type of guy for me? Why are most guys like this? And what is the difference between the guy I am with and the other guys that really actually do sweet things for the girls they love?
Hey there,
It sounds as if your guy really doesn't care about you. If he has you do his chores and pick up after him without him giving you any real respect, then he is basically a child that wants you as his mother, not his girlfriend. I am surprised that he had a tantrum on your birthday. The least he could of done was say "Happy Birthday" and spend a few hours with you. Also, any guy who says Valentines Day is overrated and doesn't take in consideration that you care about these things, isn't worth your time. It sounds as if you just meet the wrong guys.. and believe me, there are waay more wrong guys than right in this world.
Him blowing you off is another big sign that he doesn't care about you or what you do for him. A guy who loves you will: make time for you, do little things to show he cares, and there will be equal participation on both sides. You definately are right that with all the effort you put in, he should give back. You are being used. He just keeps you around for service, not love. I don't blame you for wanting to pull away; any guy who doesn't care about you/treat you right is not worth your time.
Most guys are like this, for they have been raised to not really give a crap about other peoples business or their friends taught them to be this way. The difference between the guy you are with and other guys that do sweet things, is that they have a loving heart, they appreciate women, they are confident in themselves (so they don't put down others to make themselves feel better), and they really care about their life (they put an effort into making it better). You are with the wrong guy right now. Your real love will do wonderful things for you and not question why he did it. You shouldn't let in just any guy because you feel lonely; you have to know that he will act, feel, and treat you the way you treat him. Someone who makes you laugh, spends quality time with you, and has you feeling good inside... that will be your perfect guy
(Rating: 5) Thanks for the advice. I will defintely take it in consideration. I think alot of the reasons he is this way is because he didn't have a very good family relationship with his dad and his mom was always in and out of bad relationships his whole life. So that doesn't help. I have known him a long time and he has changed for the better as the years I have been his friend and now dating him, but there are things I want too. And I feel left out of my needs. I will talk to him, but if he can't listen to what I want I will have to do what I need to do.