Kendra is a young woman working as a professional in Toronto. She's a cat lover, a bookworm and has always had a deeply rooted interest in people, love and what happens when the former attempts the later.
She's been in three long term relationships, lost her mother when she was 16 and has lived through her father's alcoholism and drug abuse. She's a college graduate in journalism and art, has a quirky personality and has acquired some realistic yet romantic beliefs about love and relationships.
She lives with her boyfriend. Life may not have always been good, but it is good now.
Gender: Female
Location: Ontario
Member Since: August 22, 2008
Answers: 207
Last Update: February 14, 2013
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Razhie
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so all my friends have already had sex, and me, well, i havent. im scared its gonna hurt and such. i have a very low pain tolerance. its beyond low. anyways, i feel like im uncomfortable with my body. im comfortable with it, i just dont know if im comfortable with anyone else seeing it. i really love my boyfriend and when its the right time, i wanna do it for the first time with him, but i wanna make sure im comfortable. is there anyway to do this? and is there any explanation for the way i feel? (link)
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Sex sometimes hurts the first time, but it's not a guarantee. The more gentle and attentive your partner is, the more likely the experience will be a good one. The more scared you are, the more tense you'll be, so the odds increase that it'll hurt due to your fear.
I'm going to suggest you practice breathing calmly while visualizing the act. Get comfortable with it and think very positive thoughts. Communicate to your boyfriend your concern about pain and your need for his patience and awareness: that if you want him to stop or go slower, you need him to pay attention to that and do as you say.
Spend time looking at yourself naked in the mirror and come up with five things about your body that you like. Lay down in the tub in the bathroom and take a pocket mirror and aim it down so you can see what your vagina looks like. Get used to it and tell yourself how attractive it'll be to your boyfriend when he finally gets to see it.
If you don't masturbate, you will want to start. Get familiar with what feels good to you so that you can communicate it to your boyfriend.
Girls often are uncomfortable because we have to see about 1,000 images a day of other women being sexy and we don't look like air-brushed creatures. We're lead to believe we're not good enough all the time. You're totally not alone.
What I've just described to you are tools to help you not just get ready for sex, but to truly make yourself ready to be a sensual person who knows her body and appreciates her awesome self.
You'll know when you're ready. Make sure you have condoms handy when the time does come. Best to plan ahead once you're aware your time has come, so that you won't get caught unprepared. No shame in being smart.
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