About scootermclisle
Call me scooter. No, it isn't my real name, but I like the idea of having a secret name. Most of the people who have professional advice columns don't use their real names, so I don't see why I should either. I want to give the best advice possible, and I figure that the first way of becoming professional is to act professional. That isn't to say that I plan on growing up to be an advice columnist. Actually, I want to be a psychologist. But, this is as close as I'm going to get to that right about now. I'm also a very good writer, so I figure writing an advice column is a good way of getting my ideas out there. Please feel free to ask me any questions you like.
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E-mail: hairspray.link@hotmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: Ontario, Canada
Occupation: n/a
Member Since: September 28, 2007
Answers: 279
Last Update: June 8, 2010
Visitors: 12268
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17/f
(I've known this guy since I was 7) he is now 21.
When I was like 15 almost 16, him & I became best friends, and eventually had sexual relations (yes i know he's older & etc. I am very mature for my age because of everything I've been through, so dont judge me or give me sh** for it please, because you'll just be a broken record that I wont really listen to--sorry.)
Any ways, he has like no one there for him anymore except for me, and he's on drugs really bad; which I'm used to dealing with because my step dad used to be on them really bad.
(lets name him John)
John and I tell each other everything and anything, our whole friendship is based on honesty and just being real, even if the truth can hurt.
& John never really had any one there for him, like he has his grandparents but he cant really talk to them, and all his friends are moving away; so all he really has is me.
I want him to know that I don't like that he does drugs (except for weed, he knows that I dont care if he smokes weed), like he kindve already knows a little bit, but I want him to know I care for him and love him I don't want him to get hurt or end up killed over the drugs hes doing now.
He basically already knows I'm always here for him no matter, but how I do I tell him I care for him so much and tell him I dont like the drugs without pushing him away?
& I know I should just stay away from him because he's drugs, but deep down he is a really good and nice person, hes just made a lot of very bad decisions and ended up with the wrong crowd basically; & when it comes down to it I love him, even if he is all wrong & f*cked up, but we all are in some way, & you can't help who you love..
(keep in mind me & him have never dated, we're basically best freinds with benefits.)
& I apologize if this comes off as mean, I'm really not trying to be, I'm just stressed out from it all & I'm tired of people telling me how bad of a guy he is & stuff like that..
So I guess here's my question how do I tell him how I feel without pushing him away?
& sorry this is so confusing
REPLY TO YOUR FEEDBACK:
Honestly, he probably will end up dying as a result of his addictions. Even at the best rehab centers in the world, the success rate is only 15%. Most people do not beat addictions.
I know you are hurting right now, but there is nothing you can do to save him. It is a tragedy. I feel for you. And if you were right here in front of me, I would hug you. And then take you out to the movies :) You need to take care of yourself. Let him deal with his own problems.
You can't wait for him to change. No matter how badly you want him to beat out drugs, you can't make him stop. He has to find the strength within himself. You can't do it for him.
Let it go.
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His addiction should not be your primary concern. Hard as this may be for you to accept, you need to find somebody else to love. Believe me. I'm in a similar situation.
When I was fifteen (four years ago), I fell in love with a guy named Eric. We both loved each other, but we never really dated. Eric is now addicted to hard drugs, and constantly does things to hurt himself.
Over the years, it has been difficult to know how to handle the situation. At first, I begged him to stop. I wanted the best for him. I didn't like the stuff that he was doing, and I wanted to help him. He rejected that help and started seeing me less and less.
Eventually, I decided that since he wasn't listening to me, I should cut him out of my life entirely. I did this even though he is an amazing person. I did it because I wanted him to know that I did not accept his addiction. I wanted to take a stand against it. Doing this actually helped him, in a way. It got my message accross, and it showed him that I expected better of him. Moreover, it helped me. During those three years, I fell in love with somebody else, made new best friends, and re-built my life.
Now, three years after I started ignoring Eric, I have decided to talk to him again. This time I have a new attitude. Basicially, I have decided to place the responsibility of his addiction into his own hands. I have decided to live my life and let him deal with his.
Whenever the topic comes up, I let him know how I feel about his addiction. But, I do not act angry, push him away, etc. Instead, I talk as though we are on the same side, and to be honest, we are. I am on his team, and I want what's best for him. I don't get angry when he talks about drugs. Instead, I say things like "If you want to talk about the fact that you have a problem, I'm all ears. But if not, you know I don't want to hear about you doing drugs. Let's focus on something more positive." I remain positive with him at all times.
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IN CONCLUSION :
The best way that I know of to let someone know that you are against their addiction without pushing them away, is state your concerns respectfully and honestly. Don't lecture him. Don't get angry. That probably won't do any good. But don't pretend that you are OK with what he is doing.
In a nutshell, be matter of fact. And don't let yourself get all wrapped up in his problems. Live your own life, find new people to love.
I understand that right now he's the most important thing in the world to you. Believe me, I've been there. But it's really up to him to help himself. You can't do it for him. And there are other people in the world who would love to fall in love with you and become friends with you. Don't shut your eyes to them.
This guy that you love, he has a lot on his plate right now.
Let him take care of his problems.
Let it go.
Take care of yourself first.
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(Rating: 5)
My only concern is what if he doesn't help himself and ends up getting killed, whether he be killed by an overdose or a fight over the drugs... this is why I'm concerned mainly.
I feel he may never really realize he should stop using drugs, because he's never had anything in life to live for in the first place; he has people who love him and he doesn't really know that. I'm afraid he'll end up killing himself before he can help himself... if that makes any sense. & your advice was helpful though, thank you :)
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