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February 18, 2007Answers:
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How do you know to trust somebody? Im seemingly losing all trust in people. My best friend seems to be hiding things from me, people around me are cheating, lying to one another, scheming. I just dont know who or what to people? Why are people so private yet so seemingly open. Or why are they two faced? And how do we know who to trust with our own secrets? I seem to be losing all control over my trust, its just not there in so many cases I don't really know what to do. So many people are telling me not to always be so naive? But what kind of relationship can you have with someone if you don't trust them? Please some one help me with this... What is trust and when should it be given if at all? Who can we truly trust?
Wow... You've just asked a pretty deep question, with all the hints of philosophy and pschology. Here is the best answer I can give you:
People are dishonest for a myriad of reasons. Some people lie to gain the attention of others. Some people lie to impress others, especially when they feel that who they really are isn't good enough. Some people lie to protect themselves... While others lie to protect someone else. Some people feel like they have to lie about some things, simply because the truth sounds too crazy, too unbelievable, or too harsh.
What all these people have in common, what we all have in common, is that... Most of the time, when we are dishonest, we're just not thinking very clearly. We're only thinking of how we could get hurt, and not of all the people that we might hurt with our untruths.
If you haven't realized any of this... Well, I think niave is the wrong word. I would call you innocent. And when I say 'innocent' I'm giving you a compliment. Chances are that if you are so shocked by the behavior of others, it is simply because you do not behave this way. Innocence isn't something to be ashamed of. You should be proud.
Not only that, you've made a valid point. Trust and honesty are fundamental to any healthy relationship... Whether the relationship in question is familial, friendly, romantic, or strictly business. In our personal lives, trust and honesty are important when we love someone that also loves us. It is important because these two qualities allow us to be open and vulnerable with each other. Without vulnerability, we can never really know a person or love them fully.
My advice is this... Start trying to trust the people you love, that you know love you. Realize as well that sometimes they may let you down or make a mistake. When that happens, forgive and try again. People screw up, it's our nature. But just because we tend to disappoint at times doesn't mean that we don't care.
As for everyone else... That's a bit harder. Realize that motive, insecurity, and fear play into the reasons that people lie. Don't judge, definitely forgive... And take small steps. What I mean by that is... Exercise some personal responsibility. Before you speak, think about what you are going to say and who you are going to say it to. Think about how important the information that you are about to divulge really is, whether or not you really care if it's ever repeated, and how well you know the person that you're looking at.
Learning who to trust and who not to trust is a life lesson. You'll spend you're whole life perfecting it... And even once you think you're almost there, you may make a mistake. That's okay. You'll get over it. You'll move on. In your lifetime, you'll encounter plenty of dishonest people...
But don't allow all that to make you fearful. Like I said, like you said, trust is important. No matter how hard it is, don't let fear or past hurts to hold you back. You really will be okay :)
(Rating: 5) thank you! this is a really good answer! you helped a lot!