about

advice

my boyfriend and i have been going out for a year and a half. but i havent seen him for the past month even thought we go to the same school he just ditches plans. we fought and nearly broke up but for the last week i just stay home all day and cry i have no idea why and i usually go out everyday with him or friends or shopping. i just really need to see him. anything i can do to cheer me up? he wont hangout with me

Okay... When you fought, were you the one dumping him, or was he trying to dump you?

I ask because... If he's been distant, but he hasn't tried to break up with you, there's a good chance that he's been upset about something lately, and whatever that is it doesn't involve you. Here's an example... After dating a guy for a few months, and thinking everything was going great, all of the sudden he became non-responsive and started avoiding me. Like, if I tried to make plans to see him... First he wouldn't respond to my texts, then he wouldn't answer his phone, and when I did finally get in touch with him he'd come up with some lame excuse not to see me.

I confronted him about this a couple of times. The first time, he blew it off like it wasn't serious... The second time he insisted nothing was wrong with our relationship, but the odd behavior continued.

I seriously thought about breaking up with him. Then his mom tells me that he tends to get depressed after his kids leave to go back to their mom when school starts. So... I came to this conclusion...

I decided that I would just back off and let him make all the moves. And... If he wanted to break up with me, I wasn't going to do him any favors by trying to beat him to the punch.

Ends up... My boyfriend is just one of those guys that likes to solve all his problems on his own. That includes upset feelings that occur when he doesn't have control of a situation. He can't talk to me about it, because if he does then he doesn't feel independent anymore. And what if I threw out some super helpful advice that totally solved his problem? That would be worse. Because then I fixed his problem when HE wanted to do it all by himself. Solving problems requires time alone to think... And on top of that, since he cares about my feelings, and knows that I care about his... He's always a bit afraid that if he's depressed, then I'll be depressed too.

After a few weeks, he felt better and started acting like himself again. Maybe this is what's going on with your guy?

I don't know him, so I can't tell you for sure. Think about it. Try to give him some breathing room. Let him make the moves. If he continues to ditch you though, that may be a sign that it's time to walk away.

After all... You're fabulous. Why date a moron that doesn't recognize that?!

[view]

(Rating: 5) wow yes that seems just like him thank you soo much
<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker