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alright i really need your help...my friend was on and off with this guy for about 2 years.towards the end of their relationship she fell pregnant and decided to keep the baby. so once she gave birth to her baby boy the father visited the baby once in like 3 weeks.he doesnt have a job and isnt looking for one,he doesnt have a car to drive and has all these pending tickets from the police that he hasnt paid and cant afford to pay.all he does is drink and smoke dope.
anyway in the end after like a month of not seeing his son because he didnt have transport to get to her house they decided that once the baby was 6 weeks old (i think) she would take him to his father's place every sunday for aday.my friend soon regreted this because the father doesnt take care of the boy,he smokes around the baby and doesnt wash his hands after hes been smoking doesnt pay for baby's food and dipers etc like the mum doesnt think hes capable to be a good father figure for the son. she txted him today and told him that shes going to stop taking the baby to him( she didnt want her son growing up like his father) so now the father is txting her back saying that if he doesnt see the boy hes going to kill himself. the mum told me that he always talks like that when they argue(always says hell kill himself)just for attention. she asked me for advice and i told her to ignore the txt and not to txt back. she listen to me and didnt but then he txtd her again and said hes going to do it and wrote her a letter for her to read after hes killed himself.she txtd me and asked me what to do.i told her that if shes sure that she doesnt wnat her baby seeing the father then not to txt back because if she does the father will just try talk her into letin him see the baby etc. she put me in an awkward position and asked me if i was sure it was the right thing to do and i told her its what id do.now im just really scared he might kill himself.i dont want to get blammed for anything.what should i do?should she let him see the baby even though he doesnt have a job doesnt pay for anything because thats abit useless i rkon.what should i say to my friend??i dont wnat to be too late.would he actually kill himself??omg help!!!just anything tell me plz!!1

While it was good-hearted for your friend to want to make sure her baby has a relationship with the father, if she contiinues with the pattern the baby will grow up to be dissappointed. It really seems like it's the right thing to do, but in the long run this guy is going to be so used to her bending over backwards that when she can't anymore he will say it's all her fault that he isn't a capable father.
It sounds like she will always let him see the child as long as he proves capable, but I do think she needs to keep the baby away for a while until this guy can get his mind screwed on straight. It seems like he is only thinking of the baby as a way to manipulate her. How mature and responsible can he be if he is threatening to commit suicide?
One thing she is going to learn the hard way is that you cannot control what the other parent does; you can't make him see the child, or love the child, nothing-it all ends up in huge dissappointment, and no man is able to manipulate you like the father of your kids. She needs to have the mind-set that she is raising this child on her own, and any extra's that come from the father are nice, but not needed. I do think she should go to court for child support, but she may not be ready for that, yet.
What kind of a relationship does she have with this boys parents? Maybe if they are responsible people she could set up some sort of visitation with them. This way, the father is supervised, and the child will have some regularity with the paternal family. Maybe he has a mature brother or sister, someone who she can trust.
She needs to save those texts, because she may need to prove he is unstable.
You need to tell your friend that if she allows him to call the shots by playing upon her it will only get worse, and the child will get hurt.
Nobody can say whether he will actually kill himself, or not, but if he does, it will have nothing to do with her not letting him see his child, and everything to do with his own emotional issues.

I read your added info, and I'm sorry to hear all of this is happening. This is supposed to be such a beautiful time for your friend and now it's turning into a big nightmare. It is good she has people like you so she can vent, and get support. It sounds like your friend is very young, and she might need to bring this matter to some sort of authority because it sounds like the father's family is not reasonable. They could do things like call DSS, or other threatening things. I don't know how she gets along with his parents, but if they are normal, she should turn to them. Number one priority is for your friend to protect herself and her child. I do hope you are able to convince her to at least ignore any communication from his sister until she can treat her with the respect she deserves. It is so easy to get caught up in all the drama, and it will only get worse and worse. There is no need for her to defend herself, and that's what is happening, she is being put on the defensive. As her friend, you can continue to remind her of the positive. In actuality, the family should be on their knees thanking her for taking it so easy on him. Many woman would have been to court for not only child support, but also to make sure he had no contact with the baby. Just keep reminding her of how good hearted she has been.

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(Rating: 5) thank you that was most helpful..he tried to kill himself last night,iv put some updates up on the question..this has gone waaay too far
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