Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 89095
Main Categories:
Work/School Relationships
Families
Parenting
View All
|
| |
For weeks I have been iffy about even writing this.
I am young 18 and just got married in August. I am pregnant that is not why we got married but I think we rushed into it. We were planning the wedding already had my wedding dress before i found out I was Pregnant.
Sometimes I find myself regretting getting marred My reasons. I wanted to work days and go to school nights. It would be tough but id be able to better myself for me and my family he through a fit and didnt support me at all. told me either work or go to school but advises me to work because we need the money. Being pregnant I have my mood swings like most if we have an argument its all my fault he will yell at me and blame me then make me feel guilty by saying oh its always all my fault i forgot your so perfect. sometimes he makes im crap. If i feel nauses or sick at night or anything and he wants sex he pouts and acts like he is mad by not saying a workd until he gets it then goes to sleep. he goes hunting, fishing, baseball teams and tournaments etc. anything he wants and i dont argue about it i just let him.
I have asked a million times to look harder for a job. he works 2 days aweek at a sale barn doing something he likes i work full time on my swallon feet 40+ hours a week and come home exhausted and tired. its like he dont care he doesnt want to even try to look he put an app. in at burgerking one app.. in 5 weeks? we live at my dads. which i dont feel is save but dont have a choice. hes lazy
and to top it off he always wants to spend money. i used to get food stamps which just stopped but hed want a gallon of tea every 2 days. go out and buy food he wants all the time because hes to lazy to cook one thing or wait for it to get done. as soon as he gets paid he goes and spends most of the money on garbage food and gets mad when i tell him i dont want it id rather eat food i cook at home.
I love my husband to death trust me and want to work things out but i dont know what to do i talk to him about it and itslike it is in one ear and out the other. (link)
|
Hi Dear,
I am soooo sorry to hear about your troubles. You sound like a sensible girl, and even though you got married young, you are ready to make a committement to have a life and a family with your child and your husband. I know how it feels. I have been there. And you are doing the righ thing. Trouble is....you don't have a partner. Your husband is like having a teenage boy around. Wait until that baby is born. Then you'll understand who deserves your undivided attention, your hard work and your dedication AND sacrifice.
While you'll expect your adult husband to be willing to do all the same things you are willing to do to raise a happy, healthy well adjusted baby. You'll be sorely dissapointed. You'll feel like you have a young baby who needs you and depends on you, and a teenage son, who is selfish and angry. Because that is what I see coming down the road. He acts selfish now. You don't mention at all anything he does for you. YOUR PREGNANT!. You need rest, nutrition, and TLC. (tender loving care.) He is just worried about his own pleasures and needs. All of your complaints are valid. He is not going to change. You say you love him to death. Wait, you won't love him for long. Six months from now,you are going to hate him.
Believe it, you two will end up divorced. But that will not be the end of your life. You sound strong and sensible. That baby needs at least one good parent. Looks like that is you.
I know it is hard, but it is not impossible. I went through the same thing. Ended up haveing two kids with my "teenager of a husband". After the second one I got so depressed because I felt like now I have two babies to take care of and a big old teenage son (my husband) and I am the only one who is worried about where the money is coming from to pay the bills. I had to work, and work and work, two, three jobs sometimes. Just to make ends meet. While he couldn't be bothered. No job suited him. He couldn't work for less than I did. Every job he had, he quit. Or maybe got fired, but that is not what he told me. He always wanted me to feel sorry for him. I finally left him when the youngest child was 1 year old. It was the hardest thing I ever did. But it turned out to be the best. My boys are 23 and 19 now. They are sweet young men who have gone to college, and are very nice to their girlfriends. They are not selfish, they are smart and confident and they work hard. It can be done. It is not easy. But in the end it is all worth it.
And yes I have a life too. I am very happy and even went to college and got a degree. I will pray for you. Pray for you that you find the strenght to give your child the chances that you didn't get.
Good luck to you
Michele
|
|
Rating: 5
| |
thanks for you advice. i really love him and he promised hed look for a job he begged for one more chance. i think if he doesnt try and look ima ask him to move out. maybe if he sees he will lose me he will grow up.
|
|