about

Well, I'm Lori, i'm 17 and a Senior in high school. My friends are my life :)
I Love giving advice and i always be honest even if its brutal.
Feel free to ask me whatever :)
1.26.08

advice

*sorry if it's a little long but I really gotta break it down for the best answer* ok so my guy is wonderful... let me set some stuff up for you: if he has money and I need gas in my car he will let me gas up or take me to gas up. If I want to cook a fantastic meal he will get the groceries. He takes me out to dinner and we go to the movies and stuff like that. Like right now we moved cause he got a job in Iowa and he is paying the rent until I get a job (which he should, my mom taught me that any proper man would do that) He is generally a nice person and we have fun together. but there are some big things and some little things that are making it really hard for me to have a clear mind when it comes to staying with him. ok let's do the big stuff first...So sometimes he will like spaz out...like the other day he asked me to turn off the lights (cause he had to get up for work) but I was only going to cuddle with him for litterally like 2 mins and then I was going to cut it off...he asked me like 2 times and i was like sweetie I'm only going to be a minute and then I will turn it off...he like jumped up in this flailing way, pushing me out of the way and like yanked on the light cord and looked so heated. I know he has anger stuff he is working on letting go of. Ok here is another big thing, let's say this, we're in the car and he says can you turn the radio down and I say let me just finish this song and he may not want to wait that day for whatever reason and he asks me again and i say theres like' one minute left let me finish it, he'll maybe slam off the radio and look at me with this RAGE and I'm just like what the F**K? (like shock, like is this really happening)(and I am NOTHING LIKE THAT SO I DO NOT UNDERSTAND IT AT ALL!!!!) and then I'll say something like why are so you heated and he'll be like I'm fine, and I know he's not. Then maybe I'll change the topic and say could you roll the window up and he may respond with something like "Well, You should have worn a FUCKING SWEATER!!" And I'll just be like WOW what world am I in, cause this only happens like once a month and it's out of no where. Now we talk about that stuff and he is really working on it...here's a small thing, let's say we are supposed to share a medium drink...he will finish it all and not even stop to think oh kay hasn't had any yet...or he will defend other people over me and he doesn't even know them or know the whole story, or he will do something like today when i was sad about something he did (he didn't know what i was sad about) and he asked and i said it's girl stuff and he said you know what kay one day i am going to stop caring. Now that kind of stuff happens weekly. My thing is this, I am not the nag type...so i feel like I am already trying to work with him on the big spaz out stuff that I don't even want to bother him about things like why did you not save me some fries or why did you eat the entire sandwich except for 2 bites when you were supposed to split it with me? But that kind of stuff makes me a little sad and I just don't want to put a lot of pressure on him to be "perfect" cause that is what he is always saying "you know i'm not perfect and i'm really working on it and you should have seen me 2 years ago" and he is studying spiritual books so I know he has goals... but what do I do in the mean time to get through it? Do I just mention every little thing that bothers me? Sometimes i have felt like the only way to get through to him is to do it back but i am just so past that behavior and i feel like if i have to do that then I am not with the right person...but i feel in my heart that he is my soul mate, i just don't know how to keep it going. Sometimes I feel like I have to teach him how to be in a relationship, but he does SOOOO many things right! Like Important things. But he can be SOOOOO mean sometimes :( Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to seem like a victim, I don't feel like that...I feel like I have faith in what I feel he is and what he feels I am and that is each other's soul mate...cause i could leave but I really want to make it work and I know he does too, again he is really hahah he is really trying and that's what's so sad is to me it's like why in the world would you need to try so hard to be consistantly nice and considerate to someone? So I don't want to just be like Fuck you and leave after I get a job, I want to make this work for the long run...how do I deal with this? How do I pick my battles? How do I let stuff go? When does it go from letting him know when soemthing is wrong to nagging? Are my expectations too high? I don't feel like they are cause I treat him very well and he has like NOTHING to complain about...the worst he can come up with is when I am on my period I don't like to be touched and I am less patient with his BS and when he says something mean i get sad and those are literally the only 2 things about me that REALLY bother him. We have talked about it. What are you all doing out there to get through these types of things? and there's sooo many other things that I can't even get to covering with him, like more romance, because of this stuff...Thanks again and sorry for the length but I had to give some examples :)

ok. well, in my opinion, after 2 years if he's STILL doing these things and still claims to be "working on it" then it seems to me like he's either not trying to hard or he has something else like a serious problem going on..

i've been with my boyfriend for almost a year. around 6 months he started doing things that really hurt my feelings, like defending other people and making little jokes about me. i talked to him about it, he said he would work on it and for the most part it stopped. every so often he slips but he instantly realizes when he does and he apologizes.

as for when to choose your battles and not to nag. if its something that really hurts your feelings then he should know about it. but if its something that you just feel like saying something about then you should probably just let it go unless it has you worried.

my thinking about relationships is that whats meant to be will find its way. if you arent meant to be with this guy then something will happen to make you realize that you need to leave.

if your in a situation thats to the point where when he gets into a rage or whatever and it scares you or your scared for your safety or he hits you or anything then you deffinatley need to leave him.

my opinion is that you and him need to sit down and have a serious convorsation about everything, no yelling, no screaming. just talking. tell him exactly what you said in this question thing and tell him how it all makes you feel.. it'll all work out, dont worry :)

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(Rating: 5) Thank you, well I know that anger has been a problem all his life...it is really like one of those things where i think, man if this one thing didn't exist. i could stay with him forever...but you know what you said something really important... if it's meant to last it will and if not something will pull it apart. A woman told me that before, she said you will know, you wont even have to think about it. Thank you for your oppinion.
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