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Hi! My name is Kayla.. I'm 21. Through out life, I've had quite a bit of rocky roads and difficult dilemmas. They sucked at the time, but now I've become a call for help.

I do it because I enjoy it.

If you send question in my inbox, you'll be answered FIRST.

advice

I have this guy. I fell in love with him the first day i meet him. I was dating his cousin then but coudlnt get him off my mind. we have only been dating a week now. but see he has a rough past couple kids. he dont know about you. you know? well he had a daughter. never meet her or anything because the mother wouldnt let him see her. his daughter was two got killed in a car accident yesterday and was killed by a drunk driver. we are "taking a break" i was raped a few weeks ago and a car accident a few days ago.. our break started after his cousin was lieing to him about me because he found out we were dating and didnt like it then he found out about his daughter. it hit all at once. well this morning we meet up and it was akward i gave him a hug and i started crying. i cryed the whole way home. his uncle told me he cried to. i had also wrote him a note telling him about why i liked him and how i feel him love with him the day i meet him. and how i would always be here for him no matter what. he cried to. i went with him tonight just driving dirt roads. and had a good time. i keep asking him whhat he was thinking about he told me he was thinking about something he and i had done a few nights ago and i got upset because i didnt expect him to say that. we didnt really talk after that he got mad because i chewed a piece of gum (im allergic to gum) but i need to chew it to relax me. i spit it out before my throat closes. any ways i really love him and i just dont know how to help him through this. and i dont want to lose him.

Hey there!

First, and by far more importantly.. I know that it's your decision to report a rape, but I highly suggest that you do. I've heard it from many friends, and even my mother.. and they all regret keeping it to themselves. But it's a shame that happened to you.. and I am so sorry.

Next..

Four years ago, my uncle died. Not only was it tragic for my mom, his children and wife.. but the majority of the pain I saw, was in the eyes of his mother. Nobody should ever have to bury their own child. Ever. Unfortunately, it happens everyday, and there's not much we can do to prevent it. It was hard watching my grandmother.. crying every single day and night. And to this day, I could swear that she doesn't hurt a bit less then the day she got the phone call.

Point being, there is never a right about of time to give him about his situation. He is bearing the hardest kind of pain there is right now. And although it may be hard for you to understand completely, listening to him right now it's the best thing you can do. Even if you don't have much to say back. And even if you did, words can't cure his loss.

Allow yourself to be the shoulder he needs. Pick up when he calls, offer your hand when he needs it. These are things we do for the people we love. But he's going to need time. He's going to be scared. Not only has he just lost his daughter, but he's probably worried about losing the friendship with his cousin as well.

Give him his break.. but remind him of your comfort. Tell him that you'll give him the space he needs, but that you love him, and want to be there for him. It may take a while, but if he realizes how much you care for him by doing this, you may find that your reward is exactly what you want.

Good luck.

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(Rating: 5) Thank you for your advice. He is doing a little better. but i think hes just shoving it aside and not finding a way to deal with it. but i went and found him a few cars to work on while im gone visiting family (he cant go because he has to work) but that helps him out alot
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