Member Since: February 25, 2009
Answers: 131
Last Update: April 8, 2009
Visitors: 8088
|
| |
19/f
I am 19 and my parents dont really allow me to do much. I feel like a child. My friends all make fun of me for being under such close watch and not being allowed to go places and do things like most 19 or 18 year old do, because i always have to ask my parents and hope that they will permit me to do something... I have no freedom. I've fairly recently gotten in trouble for trying to go out, because I said so, and I was like... its time to stop being controlled by my parents and get out and have some fun.
I had to deceive my parents so that i could do what i wanted to do. I couldn even leave the house without my mom looking out the door to see who was picking me up and to see if they were there yet...etc.... I didnt know my mom was going to follow me to the door, so that foiled my plan. I was going to walk up the road, but my mom was like "no, tell your friend to come pull up infront of the door". And then she saw that it was a male friend and not the female friend i told her it was. I got in a lot of trouble and got yelled at and lectured.. Now my parents say they dont trust me and i cant go anywhere or do anyyything. My friends say "you're 19, you can do what you want....etc."..
I want to know if it would be f***ed up or not if I were to just slip out the house and move one day and not tell my parents anything until I get there. I want to live with a certain guy, but, i mean, when i am ready to move in with him and when i'm sure thats what i want to do. And I will call my parents from my new residence, or better yet text them and be like "umm.... yeah.... i moved..."
They dont even want me meeting with this guy. They dont want me to meet with no guy or do anything. And I am so tired of my parents! I need to get away from them! I'm not going to even bother with introducing them to the guy, because they wont want me with him cuz he's 22 and i told my mom a little bit about him and she's like "you dont need to be with him. you dont need to be with anybody. You need to focus on school and focus on gettin yourself together first (work on myself in terms of anxiety problems etc.)" They just want to keep me as their boyfriend-less child for as long as they possibly can.
And I dont want to bother with telling them i plan on moving out. So do you think it would be messed up if i just moved out, and in with this guy, and just told them about it after the fact? Just so they know what happened to me.. and that way they cant do anything about it (link)
|
If you move out secretly, don't expect an open door and room to come back later. Your parents will feel hurt, unloved, unappreciated and betrayed. I can just hear their 'you've made your bed now lie in it' response. So consider the consequences closely before you make this move.
As for more freedom, I am sure they have thrown "my house, my rules" at you. It may be they will never give you freedom as long as you live at home. You will be stuck at age 16 in their mind, until you are self sufficient. Some parents are just like that. They keep the apron strings tied so tightly, their kids are scared to let go and grow up, or they act out and rebel just to gain some freedom.
But as tempting as it may be, DON'T DON'T DON'T move in with this guy to escape your parents. It isn't the way to start a relationship.
Right now your options are:
1. try and advance your options/freedom with your parents.
2. work on what is needed to become independent(anxiety issues, work, school).
3. Perhaps consider applying for and going to college somewhere out of town/state, so you are not right under your parents thumb.
4. Stay busy with activities (work/school/organizations) that keep you away from home the majority of your time.
I know it SUCKS to feel so trapped, but life will not be like this forever. But don't trap yourself into a relationship you aren't ready for, or poverty because you aren't financially able to move out successfully.
Make goals to get you where you want to be by a specific time (i.e. save xx amount of $$, work where I make xx amount of $$, so I can move out with a room mate/alone in 1 year.) Just working towards the future YOU choose will make you feel more empowered.
|
|
Rating: 5
|
I dont want to move out just to move out. i wanted to be with this guy, but i want to be sure that i want to live with him before i move in with him.
And as for the work thing... i have anxiety issues that pretty much stand in the way of me getting a job. And also, ny anxiety makes it difficult for me to do well in school. Alot of times its hard for me to attend classes. I've messes up three consecutive semesters because of anxiety-based issues. I know that my parents want me to finish school, but in my case school causes me a very high and un-normal amount of anxiety. the daily apprehensions and nervousness and uncomfortable-ness and such, i can not continue to do this. It's rrreally not good for me. So what do i do??? I cant work... i cant even go to school.... I dont know what i am going to do in my life... what am i going to do with myself........ What can i do if i cant work and i am being forced to go to school by my parents but i can not handle it like normal people because i am a special case (and a hopeless one) and i've seen a doctor and been prescribed meds and i've seen a therapist for 2 sessions and the first time it was just her asking me basic questions, and the second time she was asking my mom alot of questions and she spentalot of time talking about and suggesting that i had asperger's which i ddddefinitely do not, and she gave us a card for an asperger's specialist and i havent seen the therapist since then, and these therapy sessions cost money and my mom is tight on money........ ?....what do i do?.... =[
|
|