I'm 18/f and a college freshman.
I dated this boy on and off throughout high school, and we were still great friends when our relationship ended this past summer. He had been in a really bad, near fatal car wreck last March, but he was recovering and doing more than the doctors ever said he could.
I found out last Thursday afternoon that he had committed suicide last Wednesday night (he had ODd on his pain pills and they found a near empty bottle of everclear next to his bed). I still don't believe it was suicide... I mean, that's what they're saying, but I know him so well and just can't bring myself to believe it... he must have just been in a lot of pain.. IDK.. I guess it was suicide... Anyway, I've been really incredibly angry that he would do that (suicide or not... all those pills and alcohol!) to me, his mom, and his cousin - the three people who loved him most - not to mention any other friends.
A few years ago, his half sister was killed from drinking and driving, and I can't seem to bring myself to think that he would leave his mom all alone...
Rather than making me sad, I'm just .. pissed off that he would do this - leave us all here to wonder why and to pick up the pieces all over again. I'm even more pissed that he's left me here to deal with his sisters death all by myself (her and I were BEST friends, and I blamed myself for her death)...
Anyway... am I crazy for being so angry with him?! I mean, of course I'm sad that he's gone, but my anger is overpowering every other feeling I have...
I don't know if I have the right thing to say but I did want to say that I am very very sorry for both of your losts.
I also want to say that I don't think it is uncommon to feel the way you do. That is very normal.
What might help is if you go to a counsulor and talk to them about it. Just getting it all off your chest and they know how to put stuff together. It helps just to talk sometimes.
I had a stepdad pass away, he was like my dad, and I still after 12yrs have to talk about it just to handle it.
Well, I hope this helps, I wish I could help more.
I wish you all the luck in the world. Time heals everything.
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Thank you, and I'm sorry about your step dad as well.
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