I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
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Last Update: November 5, 2009
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I've masturbated a lot and i can get off in like 5 minutes but when my GF tries to eat me out or finger me I can't ever do it without help(dildo, vibrator, etc). It kills me because she thinks its her but I think its me. I really dont know...
Did I masturbate too much and damage my clit? Or is it my fault? Or is it her fault? WTF (link)
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You're in the habit of getting off in your unique way, as quickly as possible. It can take time for you to mentally and physically readjust! There are delights to sex with yourself or with someone else, and differences as well.
You shouldn't expect your girlfriend to get you off as quickly as you do it yourself. Time, patience, and exploration are key here - as are good communication. Show or tell her what you like. Be willing and open to try new things, and realise that orgasms can take awhile to happen with a partner.
Regular orgasms are really good for your reproductive health system; you've not damaged your clit. Different things work for different people - if you sometimes need a little help when you're with your girlfriend, so be it. Make it a fun thing you can share with her.
Other things that could be affecting you are psychological ones - if things in your relationship aren't quite right, it can be really hard to have a good level of intimacy. If you need to have a chat with your girlfriend about anything, do so! Likewise, the worry and stress about not orgasming with her will make it even harder - again something to be gentle and patient with yourself about.
I wish you both the best.
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