I am a father of three, girl, boy, girl, all are now over 18. I have been married for 29 years as of 6-30-07, so yes, if you do the math I was married at 18, just after graduating high school. I am very aware of the pit falls of doing so, but we made it through the really tough times. I came to this site, because of my daughter, she also uses the site.
I am an author and have written three books, only one under this name, but it is not how I make my living. I am in business, working full time and I have a seasonal business in ponds, selling Koi, goldfish, water plants and supplies. I help people to plan and build ponds, as well as, maintenance if they need it.
I am not here for the ratings and could careless what you rate me. I will tell you things I know, I will tell you what you don't want to hear, but most of all, I will tell you things from my perspective. I have experienced a lot in my life, I have not lived with my head in the sand and I'm a realist, you want someone to blow smoke up your as*, don't read my writings, (I don't do fairy tales).
I am not so foolish as to think I am always right, I can only tell you what I know and give you something to think about. It is up to you to find out if I'm right or not.
Life is complicated, because people are complicated and one answer does not necessarily fit all, but that doesn't mean you should not consider what I say as a possibility.
Feel free to write me personally if you wish, there is only so much you can say in such a restrictive environment as this site is, it doesn't allow for proper conversation.
Thank you for coming to my column and giving me the chance to help.
E-mail: gibber@cableone.net
Gender: Male
Location: Minnesota
Age: 53
Member Since: May 14, 2008
Answers: 285
Last Update: March 27, 2013
Visitors: 26937
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First of all, I noticed that you seem to be giving really good advice to people, so I thought I'd ask you.
I'm 15F by the way.
I changed schools at the beginning of the year. I made new friends, and I was going out with a guy called David for about a month.
I dumped him for some stupid reasons but we still stayed really close.
My friends tell me that he still likes me, and I'm starting to like him again.
We're going to a festival together this summer, and I also spend lunch and break with David.
Now I'm wondering whether I should tell him how I feel, or should I just leave it?
He did ask me a month ago whether I think that me and him would ever get back together, and I told him I wasn't sure.
I just feel really confused and I can't talk to my friends about this (That's a long story of it's own)
Any advice?
Thanks. (link)
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Thank you dear one for writing me and trusting me, after all, that is what you are doing. You are opening up to me in hopes that I will not ridicule and crush you. This is what it is in all relationships. Let me tell you a quick little story.
I live in Minnesota, have almost my whole life. Back when my wife and I were dating, we had a winter storm that left a part of the road she lived on very icy. The ice was covering a hill and it was not uncommon for this to happen.
The only way to get up this hill was to get a good running start, so I did. I got to the top only to find it was pure ice all the way to the turn I wanted and beyond, so I couldn't stop. I ended up backwards in a ditch just beyond my turn.
My yet to be wife was with me, along with my best friend. The two of us got out and I instructed her to get behind the wheel. I told her to wait till I said, then step on the gas. A fellow motorist who had witnessed this, stopped to help, we got behind the car and I yelled for her to step on it and we started pushing. It slowly started going up the minor slope and after about 45 seconds of pushing, it was back on the road.
I quickly stepped to the window of the car, it was open and I noticed that the car was in park, so I asked, "Didn't you put it in drive." She looked up at me kind of under her brow and said sheepishly, "You didn't tell me to do that".
We had pushed that car up the ditch with it in park. I got in the car and laughed, not making a joke out of it, not yelling at her like some would, or telling her how stupid she was, I laughed.
Now here is a simple thing, a simple incident, one that has a multiple number of reactions I could have had and I chose to laugh.
Not too long ago my wife said, for the first time in about 32 years, that she has always appreciated the fact that I don't make her feel stupid when she does, or says something stupid. I allow her to be herself and sometimes we are just stupid and sometimes we want to act stupid, it is the child in us all. Fact is, I love her for her child, her occasional bouts of stupidity and silliness, as well as, letting go. These are the spontaneous parts of life you miss by taking life to serious.
As a young person, you are suppose to be finding out what it is you like about another person and what you don't like. This is a long process and sometimes you don't realize it until 32 years later. I would bet your "stupid thing" was more related to your wanting to slow things down, then what it was actually about. You can not hurry perfection, you want a perfect relationship, take the time to make it. Don't hurry to the "next level", get there together. Solid relationships are built on friendships, not love. Love comes easy, it's suppose to, that is why Jesus said to love thy neighbor. It is liking people that is hard and it is what should be making you want to spend time together, not some Hollywood idea of romance. Yes, it is that simple.
Relationship's at your age are suppose to be about learning, learning who you are, learning who they are, finding out if you can stand being with them for a life time. Don't settle, don't compromise, find the one that is right for you, he's out there, you may be looking at him, you might not, be sure you're not committing to the wrong guy, you might miss the right one.
Live with these thoughts for a while, share some with your friend. Tell him you don't have esp, and you don't know what your future might bring, but you would like to find out. Be yourself and let him be his self, encourage him to be and don't complicate things by having sex with him, that is a hornets nest of it's own. If he likes you enough to come along for the ride, great, if he doesn't, then you find someone who is.
Only my best thoughts ride with you dear one, feel free to write to me about anything you wish, now go and conquer life.
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Rating: 5
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Thank you so much! I really appreciate you for answering this.
The main thing is that with him, I can tell him anything, I can be relaxed, be completely myself and I'm always happy.
He is the person that will make me laugh even when I'm in a really bad mood. He's always there for me. And we would defenetly not consider a sexual relationship yet :)
So once again, thank you so much. You have defenetly put the situation out there for me from a different point of view.
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