Q: I used to feel I was a very strong minded person, now I realize everyones problems are the same, just they come out in different ways. You see, I was a confident person, maybe I still am, but my life just isn't going right. Anybody who looks at me sees my once was confidence. I walk with confidence, and my countenance is confident. I look more confident then I feel at times, though I usually feel confident, when I feel unconfident, I still look confident. I have a lot to be proud of, and I'm taught to not feel like dirt for anybody, or to let my sadness show. See, I'm 14, a cheerleader, I was the freshman homecoming princess- only 1 freshman girl got on court-me, and I'm pretty according to many. I get good grades, boys chase after me, my family history- like my ancient and recent bloodline is very accredited. I'm not famous or anything, but my bloodline is like being related to the queen of 1/4th of a developing country. My problem is that I'm loosing it. I'm loosing my friends because of a pursuasive bitch- my "Friends" know i wont get mad and start drama if they ditch me, but if they ditch her, she'll start somthing. They all hate me and sneak around about it in the most indirect obvious bitchy way, and the gossip is horrible. I'm gossiped about a lot, people say its just jealousy, now I don't know. Lots of my friends are changing for the worst, so we're separated, and the good ones, I loose contact with in ways I can't control. I live under strict rules because im the only girl in my nuclear family, and my extended family females, especially my age have obvious issues. I feel as if my issues are worse than all theirs, but hidden very well. Thats just the way I am. Though I am the skinniest girl in my family, I'm not skinny, I'm not overweight, but I have strech marks. My hair is ugly to me, my grades aren't good enough, I'm not allowed to date or go out with my friends ever, so they get mad,forget about me, and the boys who liked me turned on me, they harrass me verbally, and it hurts. It makes me want to avoid them, not go to school on certain days- which I can't do, and lowers my confidence. People think I'm stuck up, and I feel like I don't have friends, I dont know who my real friends are, and my parents just say "I told you so." My family causes me grief, and people don't get me like they used to. I feel disgustingly hairy and ugly, and I smell bad nomatter how much I bathe (daily, lather untill i turn white), deoderize and purfume myself. I'm booring and nobody wants to talk to me. My parents will never let me get help. People point out my flaws such as these, yet people who claim to like me say opposite. I don't even know what i think about myself, and I dread school all the time. I sit with only 1 girl at lunch half the time. I don't know what to do anymore-I usually know the answers. I'm not suicidal, a cutter, anerexic or bulemic, but bipolar disorder, and ocd aren't foreign in my family. Lots of my family seems to have a facade of high self esteem when they really dont, and i think depression runs in the family, along with excessive stupidity.When I was 6 through 10, family life was hard, and when was 10 and 13, life wasn't easy. Now, things are going wrong. I don't know what to do, and what can help me, without my family freaking out. Big things are expected of me. I used to be really religious, then it drifted away, I guess with good times, and now im not as on fire for God as I used to be, this worrys me, I hope the devil isnt trying to work his way into my life.If you can help in any way, thanks, but if you even took time to read this, thanks. Just your opinion on my situation is fine. My family isn't full of good listeners. Thanks again.

Rating: 5

bio

Info